A Gallant Tale

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A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 27 December 2013, 16:58

I've been wanting to create a thread like this for awhile now. Just to note down things going on in my life, gain some outside perspectives, and reflect at where I was in my life.

Previously, I had been quite active on the forum but I had a four month lack of activity. This is because I entered the military. Now don't kid yourselves thinking that his was done to serve my country. It was simply to pay my way out of college. Though the journey of basic training was one that molded me into a new person without a doubt. In particular I've gained an array of new life experiences. Two of which were the reasons for my writing this.

The first of these is strength of the heart. As my main platoon drill sergeant said on the very first day of basic training "You can make it through my basic training as long as you have alot of heart". It was heart that got me through weeks of rigorous mental and physical training. I gained this strength though not simply by alone but with the aid of some great platoon members. However where I found myself drawing upon as my linchpin was my then at the time boyfriend and that alone was motivation to push forward. Within nine weeks that new found strength of the heart allowed me graduate and escape the hell that was basic combat training.

The second of the life experiences I've had contradicts the first. I experienced my first loss of love. To myself this is entirely brand new. Before I had come to basic training I had met a guy, we had talked for quite some time, decided to go out, and then got together exclusively. Throughout the basic training process he wrote me letters and I wrote him back. I thought everything was fine and dandy but alas I was mistaken. In my absence my partner moved on and he decided it would be fitting to not tell me in the middle of basic training. When he told me this I was lost as to what to say and for awhile I couldn't even grasp a retort. I did not feel anger but simply disappointment. This person was the first who I had given it all for and planned to make major life changes to be with. After the dust settled it appears that we both have gone our separate ways. My mind though keeps wondering back to him and all the good I have experienced with him. Perhaps it'll just take time and someone new to patch up this wound in my heart that I feel daily?

I must say writing that down helped me feel better. I suppose I'll conclude my first entry as such. I'll make sure to make future entries not quite so heavy on the emotional side.
Last edited by Blaz on 28 December 2013, 18:12, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Sherri » 28 December 2013, 16:22

Make future entries whatever you want them to be :keke:. This is your blog. Say what you need to say!

On the flip side, it looks like we're kind of in the same place with the relationship stuff. Good luck with it :hug:.
The path to Heaven runs through miles of clouded Hell ~

"Deeds such as these do not go unnoticed by the universe. They echo in all who hear them. That is why I am here."


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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 1 January 2014, 18:32

"A sound soul dwells in a sound mind and a sound body."


It's this balance that I've always seemed to strive towards. Though in the past I've had more ease with obtaining physical success and maintaining a strong mental health. However it's become apparent that I neglect the soul. It's only been in the last year that I've tried to gain relationships that last. Not only in terms of having a lasting partner but also to strengthen my relationships with my family and friends. For the longest time I was the type of individual that believed that I could achieve everything on my own. However like my previous entry I learned that having somebody backing you and knowing that others believe in you grants one an incredible will to push forward. That's the new strength that I want and firmly believe will take me to new levels of success in life.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 30 January 2014, 00:43

"Often times in memory, we have the tendency to overly romanticize the people we care about"-Hatori Sohma


Well I completed all of my military training and now I'm back with my family. There's a few things have changed within me. I no longer feel myself returning to my ex. I've met a few wonderful guys but there also comes a new path for me. Never in my life have things lined up like this. I have options as far as dating and so I've been juggling the choice to date or to just remain single. I want to explore my options but I feel like I'll hurt these guys. Stranger even is I have yet to have sex with any of these men. I actually go out on dates! However I feel like puppy. As soon as one guy eases off from the attention he gives me I go running off to the next guy that gives me attention. Maybe this me rebounding? Either way I'm proud to say that I think the wound in my heart is patching up.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 8 February 2014, 19:13

"Don't Think about the ones you have lost. You can't get back what you have lost. What is it that you still have?"-Jinbei


Most often we think about what we have lost. However today hit me that while we all experience loss that loss is never permanent but rather is reborn in the shape of new love. This wound of mine is being filled with new love interests. I am feeling more and more revitalized.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Catatonic » 1 August 2014, 09:14

Blaz wrote:... having somebody backing you and knowing that others believe in you grants one an incredible will to push forward. That's the new strength that I want and firmly believe will take me to new levels of success in life.

This is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've read all year.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 5 August 2014, 22:30

"I see. So this is it. It lies here within this palm. The heart."-Ulquiorra Cifer


It's been awhile since I've done one of these. I suppose this will be a nice little catch up.

These last few months have been quite hectic. I enrolled back into school, enrolled in the officer program, switched units, gotten a new job, and gained a partner. I've burned the bridge with my old partner although I'd lie if I said my mind doesn't wonder back to him. I've been with this new guy for about 4 months and things are great. He's everything I've wanted but I just can't seem to be satisfied. It feels as if there exists some fear within my heart to let somebody in again. The notion of being hurt once more is terrifying and idea of being single is appealing. However when we spend time together it's great. Maybe it's just a matter of time before everything eases out and my fears are put at ease. Time continues to patch up old wounds.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 30 August 2014, 01:06

"Meetings are sudden but through them we change and move forward. Farewells are also sudden, but you can't linger on the moment."-Master Norb


Well the past two weeks have been very rocky.

First moved into my new apartment to start school (which was this week). Then immediate my then partner and I split up. It's strange I had been wanting to leave this guy for over a month and honestly it felt like it was just a friends with benefit. However I felt pain knowing that I'd probably not talk to him.....atleast for a few months. However it wasn't an overwhelming feeling of sadness but emptiness that I felt.

One thing I had realized was that when I start dating a guy I tend to let my other friendships get rusty. Thus in order to keep myself from thinking about my break up I started reconnecting with old friends and talking with lots of people. These people and I have bonds that will last longer than any guy. I also got some sound love advice and was able to make my peace.

Onto this week! I started my third year of university! I got a taste of my ROTC classes and the PT as well. It's gonna be a busy semester but I think this is for the best. I can take the time to really focus and work on improving myself.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 24 June 2015, 22:45

"Don't worry. When people break their old selves they embark a journey to find their new selves."-Gintoki Sakata


It's been a few months since I've posted anything on here. I suppose the boredom of being back at my parent's house for summer brings me back. Since my last post many events have transpired.

I finished my third year of college and I realized in the spring that I hated my choice of major. I decided to change my major which is sadly gonna keep me college for another two more years (minimum). However I was happy with how I preformed academically both semesters and am glad I've found a college that I don't want to transfer from after attending for only a year.

In my military career I was promoted to my E4 rank and have been enjoying my time in service. Which will be 2 years next month and only 4 more to go. Additionally, I've been bounding really well with my unit and have learned so much.

In my personal life it's been a strange mishmash of good and bad. At this new school I've made many new friends and met alot of guys. However what I find now is that I don't want to date. Sex has become something that isn't as exciting as well. Some moments I'll be lonely and contemplate previous relationships but at other times all I thing about is enjoying not being with someone. When guys have started talking to me I do want something but then I seem to shoot myself in the foot and try to push them away. Part of me attributes this to my previous relationship and the aftermath that's been messy. Overall romantically I am a bundle of contractions.

My family life for the most part is good. The only issue that has been a nuisance is my mother and father seem to have a family feud with my cousin and her husband. Which I have remained neutral because I honestly could care less and I love my cousin's children. It is awkward though when I am over at my cousin's and the little ones ask me why their aunt has visited them in ages.

With summer here I've been able to just relax and not have to worry about school. My days are just consisting of playing on my ps4 (Dragonball Xenoverse & Minecraft), watching netflix, anime online, listening to music, and hitting the gym. I don't complain mostly because once school starts I know I won't get as much down time.

Lately, I've been thinking of coming out. I do fear what will occur but the feeling to be free is outgrowing my fear. I believe sooner rather than later I will come out. Alongside this I've slowly started to realize that my life is heading in a different direction than my old friends lives are. It's painful but I realize that I am losing them but I think it's just another chapter in my life that's closing and a new one beginning.
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Catatonic » 27 January 2016, 09:50

Where are you?
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 19 April 2016, 14:41

Catatonic wrote:Where are you?

"I'm sorry I got lost on the path of life"-Kakashi Hatake

It really has been quick minute since I've written up one of these entries. I suppose I'm overdue. So lets discuss the previous semester and this current one. Last semester was quite hectic and I actually ended up failing my first over class. :gaping: However I'll take the full responsibility as I somehow managed to fall asleep through my alarm and completely miss my final. :squint: So during this semester I've been whipping myself into academic shape and overall I'm happy with college. Although my current looming issue is obtaining an internship overseas for the summer of 17. Even that looks positive as I may have an internship in Germany lined up! :thumbsup:

Outside of academia I'm up for my next rank (sergeant) but I've been contemplating about declining it rather accepting it. As with all things I like the military but often I despise the bureaucracy (hurry up and wait) and constant backstabbing by the government of their own soldiers. Alongside this comes the fact that I strongly desire to move outside of the state(s) once college/contract is over. I feel as if by accepting my NCO (noncomissioned officer) rank I'll be pulled in permanently into a military career.

Other noteworthy things include my family obtaining a new house, the unfortunate passing away of my grandmother, my own 24th birthday, and getting into powerlifting. My romantic life has been rather dull. Plenty of dates and hookups for no one seems to reel me in. However I don't fret over this much as the thought of leaving makes it difficult for me to want to anchor myself to this region.

Respecfully, Blaz
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 29 July 2017, 21:45

People have many different ways of thinking. Even if you make a mistake, if you realize it was a mistake, You can always fix it. Then if you turn around, you will see the future. This must be realized by oneself.
- Vash the Stampede


Wow it's been over a year since I've posted here. Are these things even OK to post in anymore? I started reading through my previous entries and found it quite reflective.

My apologies if is isn't but I suppose here is a life update since April of 2016.

Academically, I have just one semester of my undergrad left. I was able to get my overseas internship. In which I was in Germany (Leipzig for the Deutschlanders) assisting an ecologist with her research. I was also supposed to go to Finland for the Reindeer migration but alas weather was not permitting me so. I was in Germany for 8 weeks and it was an amazing time that I'll never forget. It was my first time overseas on my own. Not only that but I coordinated the internship, my travel, my housing, my transportation, and I gained such a great understanding of what I want to do with my life as far as career aspirations go. I despised the thought of grad school but honestly it'll be great to set myself up for the future. However, since I did research more on plant ecology I am attempting to obtain a zoological internship for the spring (fingers crossed). Before I jump into any graduate programs.

Military life is as it has always been. A pain in my rear but just two more years until I have finished my service. The rumor mill is that there is a deployment in my future. Which I would not be against as the one we were briefed on would be interesting and that deployment check would come in handy to pay for graduate school. The most interesting thing that has arisen is the hot mess with transgenders being allowed to serve. For me it's not a personal issue its a medical issue. Just like diabetics, hiv +, and flat footed people aren't allowed to serve if the logistics and safety of both the individual and the unit are compromised then I don't support it.

My love life is perhaps the weakest it's been in years. I just don't care about guys, relationships, or anything about that. Maybe it's just the guys in the area. Maybe it's the lack of past success. I just would prefer to get a puppy than get a boyfriend. This past summer my best friend passed away so that might have had something to do with my emotional state of distance.

So yea that's about it. Forums don't really get my attention like they used to. I have gotten into Instagram more than anything but here's a few pictures. The first is the Monument to Battle in Leipzig and the second is the Victory Column in Berlin. Sorry I couldn't figure out how to set them up straight.

Respectfully,

Blaz
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Blaz » 27 September 2018, 01:04

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”-Albus Dumbledore

Another year has come! I must say I enjoy finding these and updating. Although it seems to be that the original section is no longer present. (Do message me moderators if you guys don't wish for this type of thread to be maintained)

Updates*
Graduated from college in December! Since then I've embraced a full time military position and I do enjoy it but long term goals are to return to college for a masters or doctors (both perhaps). For now I enjoy the peace of not having to deal with studying, homework, quizzes, and exams.

I've moved on and am living on my own currently. ALTHOUGH my my Pemwelsh Corgi puppy keeps me wonderful company! (see pictures below)

Life is good for the most part. It's a strange transition from college to working life and making friends not just at the college environment with all ages. Romantically, I am enjoying the single life but have something of an interest. Although I can't tell if it's both of us keeping each other at arm's length or our schedules. Hopefully, it'll become something.

Respectfully,

Blaz
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Re: A Gallant Tale

Unread postby Catatonic » 3 July 2019, 01:13

Blaz wrote:I'm up for my next rank (sergeant) but I've been contemplating about declining it rather accepting it.

Deny, deny and counter-accuse.
(I hope you declined it, sorry for the delay. The war caught up. Miss you.)
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