About a potential partner

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About a potential partner

Unread postby Haleyborti » 19 November 2021, 03:06

Hello, new to the forum. I created this account to ask about this specific topic.

I'm a man with no defined sexuality, in my life Ive been attracted to both men and women. Despite this I don't define myself as bisexual: people are people, and sometimes I like them.

It's very weird for me to be infatuated. Right now I have a crush on a boy and my situation with him is very confusing. Thats why i'm reaching for advice.

I met this boy when i was 16, he was 10 at the time. We were part of a scout group, and i was working with him bc at the time his troop was lacking scout leaders to support the Scoutmaster.
Basically i took care of the kids, where he was one of them.

The relationship at that time was very normal and appropiate. From all the kids in the troop, he was the closest to me. I stayed there for a year and then i moved on, without keeping any contact.

This year (currently I'm 26 and he is 20), we Made contact again bc we play the same videogame.

We started to talk regularly, on my side always in a friendly way, with friendly intentions.

The thing is that he started to flirt with me, I didnt get it at first, I thought he was only joking.

One day he was chatting with me on ig about a girl, the conversation went somewhat like this:

Him: "hey, i'm dating a girl that is like me but female versión. If you were to go on a date with her, what would You do?"

Me: "well if she is your female versión, You probably know better than me"

The conversation went on, and finally he said:

"Fuck it, it was just an excuse to talk to you".

At that moment i got grabbed by a very intense feeling. I understood that he was flirting with me, and i really liked it.

I replied: "well then take me out instead"

He said that he would have liked it, but that he couldnt in the short term (bc he was busy)

Since then Ive had a crush on him, and he's been talking to me everyday. (This was 2 months ago).

During this conversations Ive asked him out at least 5 times, and he's always declined.

At this point i'm suffering, Even if i'm cold he talks to me. Once i decided to not reply anymore bc i couldnt bare the rejection. He went 3 days straight talking to me, sending memes and pictures of himself without me replying. Finally i replied BC i wanted to talk to him. I wanna be with him.

Yesterday he asked me if i wanted to have breakfast with him some day, i said "what about tomorrow?", he agreed, but didnt come... He said that he fell asleep and had to do things in the afternoon, then apologized and said he owed me one.

At this point idk if he likes me or not, and if he does idk if it is as a friend or as a romántic interest.

We are both supposed to be straight, and officialy we've never been with other men (idk if he has done a single thing with other guys).

Ido what to do, i really like him. I'm down Even to officialy date him, and present him to My family and Friends as a boyfriend, despite all the problems that could arise from that (we both were raised catholic).

What do You think? Any advice?
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Re: About a potential partner

Unread postby pozzie » 19 November 2021, 03:54

Welcome to the Forum!

Not sure I've got much to offer you. I remember feeling similarly to how you describe, but I can't say the result was "happily ever after" or whatever would be the gamer's equivalent.

The now much older-than-you me suggests pulling back on the romantic feelings though I get how hard that can be to do. Work on the friendship first and foremost. IDK, you're something of an authority figure in his life (or at least were); it's hard to say what's going on in his head and what he wants. The level-headed part of me says to pull back and take it as easy as you possibly can, but be cautious. I'm just not convinced anything will come from what you've shared other than your online friendship (and flirting). If that's the case, keeping your emotions in check would be a good thing.

The one thing today's me wishes I could tell/convince the 20s me: relax and enjoy what's before you without stressing about what it might or will never be. Does that make any sense?

Either way, good luck to you!
Last edited by pozzie on 19 November 2021, 21:11, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: About a potential partner

Unread postby Haleyborti » 19 November 2021, 12:35

It does, thank You. Ive considered pulling back and i'm actually trying. It's so hard tho!
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Re: About a potential partner

Unread postby asianduck888 » 19 November 2021, 13:51

i think he is just playing with you. you know boys sometimes teasing other boys if they are best friend. is there any sexual conversation or anything that hinting that he or you interest in guy. one of my best friend once sleep on my lap near to my crotch or sit in front of me like i was hugging him from back. and nah its just friendship thingy
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Re: About a potential partner

Unread postby Haleyborti » 19 November 2021, 14:17

asianduck888 wrote:i think he is just playing with you. you know boys sometimes teasing other boys if they are best friend. is there any sexual conversation or anything that hinting that he or you interest in guy. one of my best friend once sleep on my lap near to my crotch or sit in front of me like i was hugging him from back. and nah its just friendship thingy


Ive thought about this. I think it's kinda cruel. It's too much to be ONLY teasing.
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Re: About a potential partner

Unread postby pozzie » 19 November 2021, 21:19

Haleyborti wrote:
asianduck888 wrote:i think he is just playing with you. you know boys sometimes teasing other boys if they are best friend. is there any sexual conversation or anything that hinting that he or you interest in guy. one of my best friend once sleep on my lap near to my crotch or sit in front of me like i was hugging him from back. and nah its just friendship thingy


Ive thought about this. I think it's kinda cruel. It's too much to be ONLY teasing.


Yeah, it is more than 'kinda' cruel if that's the motivation. I thought about this when I posted earlier in this thread, but decided against speculation. At the same time, he might also kinda want to do something about it and not know how, or be fighting internalized homophobia, or not really get that you're interested, or is afraid someone will find out ... see, there are lots of possibilities.

When I've been in situations with guys who for all intents and purposes appeared 'straight' to me but seemed way more interested than I'd expect, I usually try to get a sense about how they feel about gay issues. More often than not I get something that falls into, "no interest to me, but hey whatever other dudes want to do is okay".
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Re: About a potential partner

Unread postby Haleyborti » 20 November 2021, 06:35

pozboro wrote:
Haleyborti wrote:
asianduck888 wrote:i think he is just playing with you. you know boys sometimes teasing other boys if they are best friend. is there any sexual conversation or anything that hinting that he or you interest in guy. one of my best friend once sleep on my lap near to my crotch or sit in front of me like i was hugging him from back. and nah its just friendship thingy


Ive thought about this. I think it's kinda cruel. It's too much to be ONLY teasing.


Yeah, it is more than 'kinda' cruel if that's the motivation. I thought about this when I posted earlier in this thread, but decided against speculation. At the same time, he might also kinda want to do something about it and not know how, or be fighting internalized homophobia, or not really get that you're interested, or is afraid someone will find out ... see, there are lots of possibilities.

When I've been in situations with guys who for all intents and purposes appeared 'straight' to me but seemed way more interested than I'd expect, I usually try to get a sense about how they feel about gay issues. More often than not I get something that falls into, "no interest to me, but hey whatever other dudes want to do is okay".



I want to believe that he is interested in me, and doestn go further bc he is strugling with internalized homophobia.

During our games he sometimes says things like "travesti!" Or "vegan" as insults. Literally like: "fuck You vegan".

At the same time i understand that a relationship between us Will probably be problematic: we come from catholic families and i was his scout leader.

As My first replier said, he might still see me somewhat as an authority figure, maybe at least as a guiding figure.

It might be for the better if i stopped insisting and just enjoyed a friendship with him.

The problem is that I find him magical. There is a song by the magnétic fields calles "when My boy walks down the street" that describes quite accurately how i feel about him.

Of course, ratiinally speaking, theres is definetily tons of people that I could get in a relationship with that could give me the same feeling and impresión. But i know him, and i like him.

It's a very hard situation i must Say.
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