Attraction to straight guys

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Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby RobertBlack » 24 March 2019, 14:02

Im 20 years old, I came out a year ago. Ive tried dating many times, I've met countless gay people, but they all behave in a similar way; they talk with their hands, their voice is high pitched, they usually require a lot of attention. The thing is I feel zero attraction to that kind of behavior. I've found myself attracted to straight guys. Not necessarily guys who are very masculine, but guys who are acting less like the latter behavior. Guys who will go out to eat with you and then you can go get a drink together. Less guys who HAVE to say every second how gay they are and how they are proud to be gay and how gay is okay, etc, etc.
I understand I will never be with a straight guy, I also understand I should not label people, but so far every gay guy I met behave almost exactly the same way and I met many guys.
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby Eryx » 24 March 2019, 23:38

Well, the reality is most gay guys blend in completely, maybe you're so concerned with the stereotype that you can't look the right way. You're not attracted to straight guys, you're attracted to masculine behavior, which is fine, and there are plenty of gay guys like that. And I mean, you're in Israel, I wouldn't think it to be so hard to find someone more "discreet" (God I hate that term).
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 29 March 2019, 10:07

To put it bluntly that's really your problem.

I do understand not being attracted to like obnoxiously campy guys, who you can tell are gay from a mile away, who really do throw it in your face. I'm not into that myself.

However there are enough adequately masculine gay men. I do think MOST gay men, even the most masculine ones, are probably going to have some gay quirks here and there even if they do (like Eryx said) generally blend well, however it's not like gay men who are just relatively "normal" men are a rarity, they're everywhere. If they might have little subtle idiosyncracies though sorry that's something you just have to accept, or be single.

I like a little bit of it actually, I don't relate to extremely blokeish straight men whose entire personalities are football and beer.

Also in Israel? I don't know for sure as I haven't lived there, but I decided to take a gander using the "travel" feature on Grindr once just out of boredom. Seriously, literally almost EVERY GUY I saw there looked like he worked out, was generally masculine-looking, and was attractive to me. I don't know if maybe there was some catfishing going on but not all of them could have been catfish. It was unbelievable. The overall calibre of men there (at least in terms of looks anyway) puts local men near me to absolute shame.
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby uncut7in » 26 May 2019, 14:32

I have met very few gay guys who would meet your description, in fact most would be indistinguishable from straight guys. Gay guys are different because of how they feel and what they do in bed, not how they look.
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby Kiwijack » 3 December 2019, 07:51

I can appreciate an attractive straight guy, but usually it doesn’t go beyond that for me, once I know he is straight.
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 3 December 2019, 09:19

I still like to think in the way like Eryx wrote it, although I have not met anyone gay in RL who I found attractive and them showing interest in return. I have not met many gay men of who I would have found out, whether they are or not. I completely lack what they call a gaydar, too.

I get about the same the other way around all the time. Whenever I grow fond of some dude, they turn out to be straight, not even a wee tendency toward bi.
Usually I learn in the process of getting to know them better, getting introduced to their girl friend, fiancée, wife, whole family or him talking about the very female features he's looking for in a future girl friend.

I have come across camp straight guys though. The camp behaviour also would be something I'm not attracted to, but I guess it would be a certain percentage of gays that are camp by nature, and a plus percentage that adapt to act camp-ish, because they grow up thinking they have to act it, or be a little camp in order to be recognised as gays. Might have to do with all the media representative image spread over gays for centuries, not sure. Well, that's a theory. Yet I would guess the most gays are just people like everyone, in all their facets and personality variations possible.

Dunno about your country. It always says in the Spartacus gay guide, the major cities would be a tip for gays. One would think the people that write these things must have browsed more than just the camp scene.
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 4 December 2019, 22:43

Kiwijack wrote:I can appreciate an attractive straight guy, but usually it doesn’t go beyond that for me, once I know he is straight.


Welcome to the normal crowd. :blargh:
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby mxguy01 » 4 December 2019, 22:49

RobertBlack wrote:... countless gay people, but they all behave in a similar way; they talk with their hands, their voice is high pitched, they usually require a lot of attention...


While some may act that way they are the minority. Just like they are the minority for straight guys. If ever a post needs a reply of "don't be an idiot" over said issue it's this one. What you are describing is pretty much fem behavior and saying "they all" is clearly a horrible mis-perception on anyone's part.
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Re: Attraction to straight guys

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 10 December 2019, 07:03

RobertBlack wrote:... countless gay people, but they all behave in a similar way; they talk with their hands, their voice is high pitched, they usually require a lot of attention...


I know that deaf people talk with their hands, but I don't follow you about hearing gay guys talking with their hands...

As to the other stuff, I have a different take. People like to fit in with their friends, so if you get to a "gay" enclave such as in a big city, you probably observe people acting like their friends.

Note, centuries ago when I was your age, I made my first entry into the gay world. I ended up with a crowd that I just couldn't blend in with. For them it wasn't so much high pitched voices nor attention as it was an emphasis on going to bars, getting tipsey, and then having parties where they would get stoned, and chew on psychedelic mushrooms.

I'm sorry, but that just isn't me. Having dealt with people who have mental issues, I never understood why someone wanted to distort their minds deliberately. There are so many more interesting things to do in the world around you than to be hooked on what I consider simply chemical masturbation.

I stood my ground and refused to adapt to their ways. Thus it didn't take long for me to become a misfit. Unfortunately, when I was that age, typical of some young people I didn't have the greatest self-esteem. So when the guy I was seeing from that group (nice looking guy by the way) told me he didn't like me nor my goody-two-shoes ways. He went on to day that I shouldn't come around anymore as I was an embarrassment to his friends. I felt so inferior. It wasn't for a while after that when I realized if I told the truth to myself, I didn't like any of them either. I didn't "hate them, but honestly they were SO dull and pretentious.

Years later the guy I was seeing ran into me and apologized for the way he treated me way back when. That was very big of him to apologize, and I very much appreciated it. Still I know it was right to go our separate ways, He died of AIDS a few years later, and I wonder if part of that was due to the fact that with his emphasis on drug use, it may have caused him to let down his guard on safe sex practices...

Anyway from my centuries of experience, I find that gay men are as varied as any other group of humans. Just know as I mentioned that the more you run into groups of gays the more likely they may adapt to each other and those similarities they have socially developed may not be to your liking. You simply either have to find that niche that you have more in common with, or find gay guys who don't tend to socialize with any particular group of other gay guys. IF you are in a more urban area look up gay groups where you can meet some who have interests similar to yours. For instance, many larger metro areas have gay running groups, gay singing groups, gay-friendly churches, etc.

Remember too that being 20 years old is SO young, so don't get discouraged if it takes you a while to meet other guys who you can be friends with (or more if that is what you want) . Note that a few friends who you enjoy their company and can rely on them is much more important than a horde of gay acquaintances that you don't have anything in common with.

I myself am probably not a good example in my current ways. I have a wonderful partner of 16+ years,. While we interact with his family (mine are all basically 6 feet under, or thousands of miles away) , we don't really interact with other gays. We are just fine this way, but I suppose if one of us dies the remaining man would have a harder time (or at least I would) dealing with just str8 people.

I should add one important lesson that was really hard for me to accept because I did have low self-esteem when I was young, is that no REAL friend should ever ask you to change your nature just to be acceptable to others. A real friend accepts your nature as it is.

Best of luck, and remember you have YEARS a head of you. So take your time and only settle for what YOU want in other men.
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