Crush on bartender

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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby Brasileiro » 27 January 2019, 17:19

PopTart wrote:
Brasileiro wrote:
Well, ymmv, in the bars and clubs I've been to, they pour the drinks from the same bottle and drink it there and then and not everyone who buys a drink for someone, is doing so as a pick up line, I've been in a bar with a partner or friend, talking with the staff (because you know, friendly people do that) and offer them a drink aswell, some say no, while others are easy going people who are happy to enjoy themselves while they work. ;)

But that is what I mean. It does not work as a pick up during worktime. And yes some drink alcohol at the job, I do not say it does not happen.
It is just not the best way to try to get a date or even just to get to know him. You never know if he is just taking your money or actually likes you.
A good bartender tends to the needs of clients in listening to them and flirts to make them feel good. They also remember a lot of stuff from regulars, so they might ask you for follow ups on stories, like "how is your mom now?" That is not because they want to know, but because they know it is important to you and it makes you come back because they are so nice, sociable and understanding... It comes with the jobtraining. You have to keep that in mind.
The best way to get to know them is outside work.

The times I got to know bartenders better as in having sex with them an/or doing a bit of dating, was when I was asked to come home with them or when I offered them a drink and a bite after work in another place (usually the hotel I was staying).
Or simply bluntly asked them if they would like to go on a date with me.
It is not that hard to just express what you want from them!

If one is too scared to be direct, one could also ask a friend to aks the bartender what he thinks of you and if there is a chance to date.
Last edited by Brasileiro on 28 January 2019, 09:19, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby PopTart » 27 January 2019, 18:12

Brasileiro wrote:
PopTart wrote:
Brasileiro wrote:
Well, ymmv, in the bars and clubs I've been to, they pour the drinks from the same bottle and drink it there and then and not everyone who buys a drink for someone, is doing so as a pick up line, I've been in a bar with a partner or friend, talking with the staff (because you know, friendly people do that) and offer them a drink aswell, some say no, while others are easy going people who are happy to enjoy themselves while they work. ;)

But that is what I mean. It does not work as a pick up during worktime. And yes some drink alcohol at the job, I do not say it does not happen.
It is just not the best way to try to get a date or even just to get to know him. You never know if he is just taking your money or actually likes you.
A good bartender tends to the needs of clients in listening to them and flirts to make them feel good. They also remember a lot of stuff from regulars, so they might ask you for follow ups on stories, like "how is your mom now?" That is not because they want to know, but because they know it is important to you and it makes you come back because they are so nice, sociable and understanding... It comes with the jobtraining. You have to keep that in mind.
The best way to get to know them is outside work.

The times I got to know bartenders better as in having sex with them an/or doing a bit of dating, was when I was asked to come home with them or when I offered them a drink and a bite after work in another place (usually the hotel I was staying).
Or simply bluntly asked them if they would like to go on a date with me.
It is not that hard to just express what you want from them!

If one is to scared to be direct, one could also ask a friend to aks the bartender what he thinks of you and if there is a chance to date.

I think i see our misunderstanding here :P

I was commenting specifically about Eryx's comment, that the guy is working, thus buying him a drink, is a bad idea, I was just adding, that bar staff here in the uk, can and will accept a drink from someone (brits like to drink :P and working behind the bar, is perhaps, one of the only places one can get away with drinking on the job, if one is discrete and moderate in their drinking :thumbsup: )

In the context of the overarching thread, do I think it's a good idea as a means of expressing interest in said barman? No, I doubt it's the best way although, I guess it is, a way.

I'd probably say that a number on piece of paper is better than offering to buy them a drink, if the intent is to hit on someone. I kinda hate the whole, "buy you drink" method of hitting on people anyway, it has never really sat well with me, yet I'm happy to buy someone a drink if for any other purpose, weird I know.

I would have to say the best option I can think of, is to simply ask the guy if he'd like to grab dinner sometime, or if he was interested in meeting outside of work, the worst that could happen is that he politely refuses, then again, he might say yes! :awesome:

So I guess we're of the same mind on that front, though, perhaps, not on the "bar persons drinking on the job" front or the "reasons we can enjoy nudity front" ;)
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby mxguy01 » 27 January 2019, 18:46

Brasileiro wrote:
PopTart wrote:People buy bar staff drinks here all the time. They often have no problem taking people up on the offer, not always, but often :P

And they often have their own special bottle with some liquor label but contains alcohol free stuff or water. Or they take one sip and throw the rest away if you are not looking. If not, they have poor workstandards.
It is wasting your money.
Also very weak pick up tactic for someone who works with drinks. Like buying candy for someone at the counter of a candystore...
It does not have the same meaning or impact as it will have for another client.


LoL. Pro Motocross racers are sponsored by those shit drinks pretty heavily. I found out later that they all dump the crap and fill the can with water so that they can hold it up and drink for the camera. Makes sense so I figure pretty much all athletes who are sponsored by them do the same.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby Eryx » 27 January 2019, 23:57

Brazilians like to drink too, but even bartenders will stay away from alcohol just because it's not common for people to indulge while working here, regardless of the setting. Plus most people commute by car and the penalties for having any alcohol in your blood are very high. You pay a hefty fine and your license gets suspended for a year. So people only drink when it's time to drink.

Theoretically, at least. There probably are some bartenders out there who will accept a drink. Not the norm though. Personally I still think OP should just be upfront with his crush.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby Brasileiro » 28 January 2019, 09:40

One could ask if it is okay to take a selfie with him and afterwards ask if he would like you to send it to him. That way you automatically have his number and he knows who belongs to your number.
There is a chance he has no interest in having a photo with a random client, but if he does like you, he might be just as happy with that pic as you.
Also, in a bar setting it is not really invasive or weird to want a selfie with people who work there.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 28 January 2019, 21:07

AGH I have gone back to the bar three times in the last week and kept missing my loved one. Come to find out he's on vacation. He was supposed to be working last night though. But he wasn't there. Hope he's OK!

Also, my feelings for him sure do seem to run deep. I mean, I don't really know him at all. But there's just this indescribable draw I have to him. I feel like he's another hurting human being and needs comforting. But maybe I'm just projecting. However, this crush is WAY more strong than other ones I've had in the past.

I am caught between thinking I need to "play it cool" and just be a familiar customer for a while -- and actually just asking him if he wants to go out!

Thanks all for just letting me vent!
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 29 January 2019, 04:22

Brasileiro wrote:One could ask if it is okay to take a selfie with him and afterwards ask if he would like you to send it to him. That way you automatically have his number and he knows who belongs to your number.
There is a chance he has no interest in having a photo with a random client, but if he does like you, he might be just as happy with that pic as you.
Also, in a bar setting it is not really invasive or weird to want a selfie with people who work there.


Thank you, Brasileiro, for that suggestion! That could work!
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 29 January 2019, 04:27

Brasileiro wrote:
PopTart wrote:
Brasileiro wrote:
Well, ymmv, in the bars and clubs I've been to, they pour the drinks from the same bottle and drink it there and then and not everyone who buys a drink for someone, is doing so as a pick up line, I've been in a bar with a partner or friend, talking with the staff (because you know, friendly people do that) and offer them a drink aswell, some say no, while others are easy going people who are happy to enjoy themselves while they work. ;)

But that is what I mean. It does not work as a pick up during worktime. And yes some drink alcohol at the job, I do not say it does not happen.
It is just not the best way to try to get a date or even just to get to know him. You never know if he is just taking your money or actually likes you.
A good bartender tends to the needs of clients in listening to them and flirts to make them feel good. They also remember a lot of stuff from regulars, so they might ask you for follow ups on stories, like "how is your mom now?" That is not because they want to know, but because they know it is important to you and it makes you come back because they are so nice, sociable and understanding... It comes with the jobtraining. You have to keep that in mind.
[b]The best way to get to know them is outside work.

The times I got to know bartenders better as in having sex with them an/or doing a bit of dating, was when I was asked to come home with them or when I offered them a drink and a bite after work in another place (usually the hotel I was staying).
Or simply bluntly asked them if they would like to go on a date with me.
It is not that hard to just express what you want from them!

If one is too scared to be direct, one could also ask a friend to aks the bartender what he thinks of you and if there is a chance to date.[/b]


Brasileiro, thank you for this advice!
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 29 January 2019, 04:31

I want to again thank everyone for this very enlightening dialog regarding my situation. As a very inexperienced gay man (I feel like I'm in Kindergarten, compared to those of you who have your Masters degree in Gay Relationships), I really appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

It seems the consensus is to be direct with my crush. I am building up my courage to simply ask him out for a beer and/or bite.

I will let you know what happens!

Again, my deepest thanks for your support.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby Brasileiro » 29 January 2019, 21:16

Goodluck.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 29 January 2019, 21:45

Thank you, Brasileiro!
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 31 January 2019, 18:35

I am building up my courage to ask my crush out. But my question now is, if he turns me down, does that make it awkward to return to the bar afterwards? Or is it just like, "hey no problem, whatever" -- and then i can still sit at his bar and be friends?
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby mxguy01 » 31 January 2019, 18:42

BlueBoy19 wrote:I am building up my courage to ask my crush out. But my question now is, if he turns me down, does that make it awkward to return to the bar afterwards? Or is it just like, "hey no problem, whatever" -- and then i can still sit at his bar and be friends?


That depends upon you. IMO, no harm, no foul for just simply asking for a date given the circumstances you describe. Chances are he's faced being asked out at work before. The real answer will be in how you deal with it if he is not interested.

I say go for it. Just be chill about it in either result.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 31 January 2019, 18:45

Thanks, mxguy01! That's kinda what I was thinking but appreciate you concurring. I have been gearing myself up to be prepared for declination, so I believe I can remain chill. Thanks again.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby mxguy01 » 31 January 2019, 18:50

Oh, and whatever you do, don't ask him out for a (alcoholic) drink. Remember he's a bartender and no one likes their job that much. Those that do are typically worthless.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 31 January 2019, 19:48

Uh oh! That was one of my ideas -- getting a drink somewhere. Oops. Guess I won't do that then. Thanks again, mxguy01!
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby mxguy01 » 31 January 2019, 20:29

Glad I mentioned that one now. Imagine him a professional truck driver. He has his normal 8 hour run driving. You say, hey lets hop in the car and go for a nice long drive. I'd club you over the head before I went on that date. XD

Things will go better if you can find some common interest beyond just your lust for him. Seriously try to find out something about him. Maybe he's into sports of some sort that perhaps you also have an interest - just and example. Then you are much better positioned to form some kind of connection with him. Goal should be simple - don't scare him away and secure a second date.

It only takes a single to get to 1st base. Dismiss the thought of going for the home run because that is usually when you end up swinging at nothing but air.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 31 January 2019, 21:38

Thanks, mxguy01. Yeah, I would be elated at first base. Home Run is not even on my radar yet. I will try to chat him up some more and find out an interest outside the bar. Hmm, maybe I need a couple more scouting trips to do research before I actually ask him out.
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby Brasileiro » 31 January 2019, 21:51

You can always ask if he wants to grab a bite with you. Everybody needs to eat...
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Re: Crush on bartender

Unread postby mxguy01 » 31 January 2019, 22:09

BlueBoy19 wrote:Thanks, mxguy01. Yeah, I would be elated at first base. Home Run is not even on my radar yet. I will try to chat him up some more and find out an interest outside the bar. Hmm, maybe I need a couple more scouting trips to do research before I actually ask him out.


That's the idea! OMG, I get to use this one again -
Luck is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity
!!!
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