Gay and Aging

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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby katzgar » 10 October 2021, 16:53

I am 71 aqnd figured out that I am not straight just 2 years ago. I am in the process of figuring myself out. I suspect I am gray ACE but may well have internalized homophobia pushing me off sex with a man...somewhat. at my age I may well never know for sure. The gay culture in New Orleans is very insular and cliquesh which is close to me.

There were 25,000 new cases of HIV in 2019 in the US and I find that stat pretty damn scary.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby ThatNomad » 10 October 2021, 16:59

katzgar wrote:I am 71 aqnd figured out that I am not straight just 2 years ago. I am in the process of figuring myself out. I suspect I am gray ACE but may well have internalized homophobia pushing me off sex with a man...somewhat. at my age I may well never know for sure. The gay culture in New Orleans is very insular and cliquesh which is close to me.

There were 25,000 new cases of HIV in 2019 in the US and I find that stat pretty damn scary.


Hate to break this to you, but in large cities period that's pretty much the norm in the Gay culture. Hell, even in some smaller cities it's like that. A lot of gay men tend to be Mean Girls more often than not. That's why I prefer online communication and getting to know people on a small scale and I avoid large gatherings in person. It's a lot easier to read a person's true intentions in a more intimate setting, and online you can see their views pretty much on full display.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby katzgar » 10 October 2021, 17:01

Yeah I guess I'm actually figuring that out. Even when I was playing straight I never cared much for bars. And going into a gay bar during a pandemic is a bar of dysfunction I won't go below.

Part of my situation is I M Ace and ace have very few places in this world to meet each other.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby ThatNomad » 10 October 2021, 17:10

Yeah, I can see that being a pretty big truth. Most people don't even understand asexuality, and most of them aren't open to doing so. Sad really.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby katzgar » 10 October 2021, 17:11

It seems like gays and bars only have the next hookup on their mind and really are devoid of any interest in other people around them
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby ThatNomad » 10 October 2021, 17:16

I think the entire culture around gay bars in particular is toxic. I wish there were a lot more places like gay bookstores, or gay coffee shops, where people could meet for more intellectual reasons. Bars really have, in my experience, been super focused on sex. I'm not even asexual and it bugs the crap out of me, I can't imagine how it must be for someone who is.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby katzgar » 10 October 2021, 17:46

I joined PFLAG some months ago in an effort to be around a better class of people. The president of the New Orleans chapter was bemoaning the fact he hasn't had sex in 10 months. I had to explain to him what asexual meant. There is an outfit that posts tours on YouTube called barefoot tours. The guy in New Orleans is gay and I messengered back and forth with him on doing a gay video which he did I asked him to include some asexual content and he said he couldn't find any in New Orleans.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby ThatNomad » 10 October 2021, 18:20

I highly doubt there aren't any, BUT keep in mind it is a relatively new concept for a lot of people, even those who are asexual are only just learning to come out about it. Perhaps he really has never met any that were open.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby katzgar » 10 October 2021, 18:55

I didn't mean to imply that there weren't any I meant to imply that he couldn't find any
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby ThatNomad » 10 October 2021, 19:04

katzgar wrote:I didn't mean to imply that there weren't any I meant to imply that he couldn't find any


I'm well aware of what you meant. I was commenting on what he claimed, not what you said. His claim that he "can't find any" is likely due to either a lack of effort on his part, or a lack of openness on the part of those in his area that are asexual. Much like bi people, and people of color in the LGBTQ community, there's a lot of stigma regarding asexuals at this point in time. They may just not want to let it be known.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby katzgar » 10 October 2021, 22:30

agreed
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby LeeLong73 » 14 October 2021, 19:15

I'm 48, and from 18 to about 40 I was always dating and having sex with men, most were exclusively much older than myself. I have Just always been attracted to older men.

As I've gotten older i do sometimes mix it up and will be with men in their 20's to 30s, but still, a man in his late 50s and up, does it for me. LoL..
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby dseag2 » 16 October 2021, 04:25

I'm 63 and I feel great. My husband and I have been together for 30 years. He is 55. I go to the gym 5 days a week just to keep up my strength and muscle tone. I am so glad we met during the "club" era. I see so many young gay guys who can't find love in today's environment and truly feel bad for them. There are gorgeous guys on Youtube that can't seem to find love. I'm so glad I grew up prior to Social Media.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby pozboro » 16 October 2021, 04:47

I would assume Miami is a particularly comfortable locale for the gay and gray set -- too bad it's surrounded by the rest of the state.

I've often wondered if life wasn't easier before social media - while I'm not sure it was easier to find "true love" or a "soul mate", it just was a whole lot easier to meet people. Have said it elsewhere, it's just way too easy to hit next when checking out an online profile. I think back on all the interesting men I met and got to know a bit about - sure, some were just quickies, but sometimes a night spent together was more than sex. The steps are pretty similar - checking each other out, a bit of chit-chat, wanna go somewhere else? get something to eat? etc, but the fact you're both there, in that moment, made things different. I want to say easier though am not sure that's the best word. Online, once basic interest is established, we still have figure out availability, travel, etc. Proximity is undeniably easier.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby dseag2 » 18 October 2021, 04:22

I know that most of the members on here are half my age, but I'm actually very happy to be an older gay man because my husband and I met at a bar (ancient concept) 30 years ago and have been together ever since. I now see Youtube videos of gorgeous gay men who are lonely and can't find love and it is tragic. I'm glad we met before the age of Social Media. And I no longer have anything to prove in terms of physical attractiveness so there is no pressure. I just need to stay fit and healthy so I can enjoy my best life. There are advantages to being older and gay. No regrets here.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby dseag2 » 18 October 2021, 04:28

pozboro wrote:I would assume Miami is a particularly comfortable locale for the gay and gray set -- too bad it's surrounded by the rest of the state.

I've often wondered if life wasn't easier before social media - while I'm not sure it was easier to find "true love" or a "soul mate", it just was a whole lot easier to meet people. Have said it elsewhere, it's just way too easy to hit next when checking out an online profile. I think back on all the interesting men I met and got to know a bit about - sure, some were just quickies, but sometimes a night spent together was more than sex. The steps are pretty similar - checking each other out, a bit of chit-chat, wanna go somewhere else? get something to eat? etc, but the fact you're both there, in that moment, made things different. I want to say easier though am not sure that's the best word. Online, once basic interest is established, we still have figure out availability, travel, etc. Proximity is undeniably easier.


Funny, my husband and I met in a club in Miami (Charlies) 30 years ago. We left in 2006. It is no longer the gay scene it used to be. Miami Beach used to be very gay but now it has been taken over by the Hip Hop crowd. Many gay men have moved to Fort Lauderdale. And yes, it was so much easier to meet people then.
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Re: Gay and Aging

Unread postby mollyparsum » 18 October 2021, 16:30

yea
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