Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

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Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby str8m8 » 27 March 2022, 21:49

Hi all.

I am straight guy thinking about getting a gay pride (6 colour flag) tattoo. Is this appropriate? How do the LGBTQ+ community feel about a straight guy having this?

My brother is gay and I have friends from the LGBTQ+ community but I don't want to ask them because I'd like to surprise them, assuming they will appreciate it.

A big motivation for me is my kids. They are at an age when they are working out their own sexuality. One of them has expressed to me since the age of 11 that she likes girls and I think another of them is not heterosexual but not ready to express this yet (sigh). I have voiced my support for whatever sexual orientation and gender identification they may have. I am a strong advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. I'd also like to show support and love to my kid's friends who may themselves be LGBTQ+.

I am thinking of getting a small gay pride (6 colour flag) tattoo as a sign of how truly I mean what I say. I also like the idea of being a straight guy wearing my support for the LGBTQ+ community on my sleave, so to speak.

Is this appropriate? I know there is a gay pride ally tattoo so that's an option. I love the simple 6 colour flag more though! I am thinking about getting the equality symbol (=) next to the pride flag.

What do y'all think? Any feedback welcomed :heart:

TIA.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby CodyC » 27 March 2022, 23:16

I think it would be fine, I would very much appreciate any of my friends or family that got a pride flag tat. Some people might not like you having it, but it you feel that your friends and brother wouldn't have a problem with it great, anyone who doesn't like it can stuff it!

Love! [heart]
Love! :heart:
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby Derek » 27 March 2022, 23:21

I say go for it, but also be prepared for everyone who sees it to assume you're gay.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby str8m8 » 27 March 2022, 23:48

Thanks for the replies. They are encouraging.

Yes, I wondered if it would lead to people thinking I am gay. I assumed it would in some situations. I couldn't care less if people assume I am gay. So long as I don't offend/annoy the gay community, who I'm trying to support. I'm just a privileged person who supports equal rights for minority groups and wants his kids to feel accepted for who they are.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby rogonandi » 28 March 2022, 03:25

You could have the tattoo say “Ally.” :)
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby pozzie » 28 March 2022, 06:12

It certainly would be a conversation starter and while I can't promise there won't be someone who either gets angry or takes offense, that's just the nature of the world. As a gay man, I see nothing wrong with the idea, especially given the reasons behind it.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 28 March 2022, 14:01

If you want to communicate something to your kids, communicate it to them directly. Seems kinda stupid to do so in a way that is tying you to something you’ll be justifying and explaining, for better or worse, for the rest of your life.

Seems like self-indulgent, virtue signalling toss to me. Maybe just get the pride Apple Watch band, a t-shirt, something that does exactly the same job without being a decision that’s quite so difficult and expensive to roll back.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby str8m8 » 28 March 2022, 21:56

Thanks again for the replies. I definitely don't intend to virtue-signal... I've never been accused of doing that, lol. The tattoo would be in a semi-discreet location, the back of my bicep, so only be shown when wearing a short arm t-shirt or no shirt. I have quite a few tattoos so it would be a small part of the overall artwork that is my body.

I agree that communicating directly with our kids is essential, so yeah, it's an ongoing conversation at our house!

I'm now thinking of getting an upside down 'V' (i.e., a stylised 'A' like '^') in the rainbow colours. This would be less obvious/in your face but a little 'nod' to anyone in the know, or people will just think I'm into colourful mountains, hehe. Would this be better or worse, i.e., better because LGBTQ+ people will understand my message but not feel that I am pretending to experience your struggle / worse because of the whole 'I support you but I'm not gay myself' message? I can't work out if the ally flag is appreciated or despised...

It's definitely going to be a conversation starter. Sounds like I'll make as many enemies as I do friends. That'd be a shame.

I've got a bit of time before I get the tattoo to decide. Your thoughts are very helpful. Thanks to all!
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby pozzie » 28 March 2022, 23:44

Okay, I'll confess: I don't have strong feelings one way or the other about either suggested tattoos. End of day, it's your body, do with it that which brings you joy.

Have you asked your tattoo artist if they have any thoughts/ideas on this tattoo?
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby str8m8 » 29 March 2022, 00:50

No, I haven't pozzie. I'm getting a big tattoo and a couple of other smaller ones at the same time so we have just spoken about designs and not meanings at this stage. That's a good idea though! My session with him is in June. I'll talk to him again before then and do as you suggest :)
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby PopTart » 29 March 2022, 16:49

str8m8 wrote:I'm now thinking of getting an upside down 'V' (i.e., a stylised 'A' like '^') in the rainbow colours. This would be less obvious/in your face but a little 'nod' to anyone in the know, or people will just think I'm into colourful mountains, hehe. Would this be better or worse, i.e., better because LGBTQ+ people will understand my message but not feel that I am pretending to experience your struggle/ worse because of the whole 'I support you but I'm not gay myself' message? I can't work out if the ally flag is appreciated or despised...

Please don't take this the wrong way, I commend your open mindedness and trying to instill in your kids a similar attitude, but jeez. Our struggle? seriously? We aren't all tortured victims of oppression having to endure great hardships. Most gay people today in the west, will live pretty normal lives. Their greatest struggle will be no different from anyone else's. Sure, there are places in which regressive attitudes are prevalent, but most places outside the US, are very tolerant and have robust laws that protect gay people.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby René » 29 March 2022, 17:10

PopTart wrote:
str8m8 wrote:I'm now thinking of getting an upside down 'V' (i.e., a stylised 'A' like '^') in the rainbow colours. This would be less obvious/in your face but a little 'nod' to anyone in the know, or people will just think I'm into colourful mountains, hehe. Would this be better or worse, i.e., better because LGBTQ+ people will understand my message but not feel that I am pretending to experience your struggle/ worse because of the whole 'I support you but I'm not gay myself' message? I can't work out if the ally flag is appreciated or despised...

Please don't take this the wrong way, I commend your open mindedness and trying to instill in your kids a similar attitude, but jeez. Our struggle? seriously? We aren't all tortured victims of oppression having to endure great hardships. Most gay people today in the west, will live pretty normal lives. Their greatest struggle will be no different from anyone else's. Sure, there are places in which regressive attitudes are prevalent, but most places outside the US, are very tolerant and have robust laws that protect gay people.

True, I can't say I've ever really faced discrimination of any kind. Same-sex marriage was legalised where I lived when I was 12. I've been in relationships since I was 15, which have always been fully accepted by everyone around me. It's never been a struggle. To be honest, I've always seen being gay as more of a plus. I see more upsides than downsides, and I don't think my life would be anywhere near as interesting if I were straight. :)
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby PopTart » 29 March 2022, 17:44

René wrote:
PopTart wrote:
str8m8 wrote:I'm now thinking of getting an upside down 'V' (i.e., a stylised 'A' like '^') in the rainbow colours. This would be less obvious/in your face but a little 'nod' to anyone in the know, or people will just think I'm into colourful mountains, hehe. Would this be better or worse, i.e., better because LGBTQ+ people will understand my message but not feel that I am pretending to experience your struggle/ worse because of the whole 'I support you but I'm not gay myself' message? I can't work out if the ally flag is appreciated or despised...

Please don't take this the wrong way, I commend your open mindedness and trying to instill in your kids a similar attitude, but jeez. Our struggle? seriously? We aren't all tortured victims of oppression having to endure great hardships. Most gay people today in the west, will live pretty normal lives. Their greatest struggle will be no different from anyone else's. Sure, there are places in which regressive attitudes are prevalent, but most places outside the US, are very tolerant and have robust laws that protect gay people.

True, I can't say I've ever really faced discrimination of any kind. Same-sex marriage was legalised where I lived when I was 12. I've been in relationships since I was 15, which have always been fully accepted by everyone around me. It's never been a struggle. To be honest, I've always seen being gay as more of a plus. I see more upsides than downsides, and I don't think my life would be anywhere near as interesting if I were straight. :)

Sadly, I have experienced some homophobia in recent years. But only from a certain community. I won't go into detail, it tends to cause upset and argument. But suffice to say, UK laws are brilliant on gay rights and individual rights in general and most European countries are the same.

I experienced some homophobia in school (90's) but honestly, kids are the worst. They will bully someone else for wearing the wrong brand of shoes or having the wrong phone. Being gay was just another difference that made for easy pickings back then. Now it's more a badge of honour and is often championed in schools by students and teachers alike. In work settings, I can safely say, my employers are very careful to be seen as active pro-gay. It's actually a tad too much at times. It's gone the whole other way in setting me apart for something I had no real choice in. Im just like everyone else.

Like you, I don't feel being gay is a struggle, it has actually opened a door or two for me and saved my neck once or twice, professionally speaking. It's helped me socially more than it's ever hindered me.

It's never been a struggle.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby pozzie » 29 March 2022, 21:04

Wish I could say the same about not having had to struggle, but I am older than most posters in this thread and have weathered many storms related to my orientation.

I don't think either PopTart or BrendenRené (edit: I got confused) mean to discount such personal narratives, they are showing how much better things have gotten for much of the community and in certain countries. That said, if trans people are to be part of the community and struggle, then there is clearly still work left to do.
Last edited by pozzie on 29 March 2022, 22:50, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby PopTart » 29 March 2022, 21:20

pozzie wrote:Wish I could say the same about not having had to struggle, but I am older than most posters in this thread and have weathered many storms related to my orientation.

I don't think either PopTart or Brenden mean to discount such personal narratives, they are showing how much better things have gotten for much of the community and in certain countries. That said, if trans people are to be part of the community and struggle, then there is clearly still work left to do.
Yeah, you live on the states though. You guys have always been behind of civil rights and individual liberties. Generally speaking. There are exceptions ofcourse.

But on balance. I'd stand by that statement.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby pozzie » 29 March 2022, 21:33

PopTart wrote:
pozzie wrote:Wish I could say the same about not having had to struggle, but I am older than most posters in this thread and have weathered many storms related to my orientation.

I don't think either PopTart or Brenden mean to discount such personal narratives, they are showing how much better things have gotten for much of the community and in certain countries. That said, if trans people are to be part of the community and struggle, then there is clearly still work left to do.
Yeah, you live on the states though. You guys have always been behind of civil rights and individual liberties. Generally speaking. There are exceptions ofcourse.

But on balance. I'd stand by that statement.


Well, I've also live in South Africa and Japan. Neither place did I feel particularly safe to be out. My experience with Mexico was pretty mixed. All three had/have vibrant gay communities, but they were mostly underground or "private". Tokyo didn't even have a Pride parade until 1994 - I was there then, but didn't know anything about it.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby str8m8 » 29 March 2022, 21:58

Apologies if my observation of a struggle is wrong. I'm a bit older and from a town in a rural area. When I was growing up it would have been incredibly difficult to identify as LGBTQ+. Not only kids but parents, teachers etc. were cruel. I did ballet for years and was harrassed daily with the favourite line being, 'what are you, a homo?' as though that was the most offensive thing... (I don't mean to conflate my small experiences of harassment with cases of genuine discrimination.) I recall no one in the town who felt safe to outwardly identify as LGBTQ+. This has changed a lot but discrimination still exists, especially in the attitudes of older people.

My own kid had an argument with her teacher last year (at a school we have since removed her from!) because the teacher refused to call my daughter's friend by the correct pronoun. I may be wrong to say it but it looks like the kids here still have to struggle to be allowed to be themselves.

It's awesome if you don't feel like you have faced a struggle. I guess it depends where you live. NZ, where I'm from, promotes itself as liberal but we have a long way to go still.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby PopTart » 29 March 2022, 23:12

pozzie wrote:
PopTart wrote:
pozzie wrote:Wish I could say the same about not having had to struggle, but I am older than most posters in this thread and have weathered many storms related to my orientation.

I don't think either PopTart or Brenden mean to discount such personal narratives, they are showing how much better things have gotten for much of the community and in certain countries. That said, if trans people are to be part of the community and struggle, then there is clearly still work left to do.
Yeah, you live on the states though. You guys have always been behind of civil rights and individual liberties. Generally speaking. There are exceptions ofcourse.

But on balance. I'd stand by that statement.


Well, I've also live in South Africa and Japan. Neither place did I feel particularly safe to be out. My experience with Mexico was pretty mixed. All three had/have vibrant gay communities, but they were mostly underground or "private". Tokyo didn't even have a Pride parade until 1994 - I was there then, but didn't know anything about it.
Your surprised that SA wasn't more tolerant? :lol:

Sorry, I'm not mocking you, but like the states, SA has known sharp social divides. Not surprisingly it creates tribalistic, us and them thinking that can be hard to break.

Can't speak to Mexico. Maybe Pooler can chime in there having familial roots there (assuming)

Japan, Japan is such a repressive society in general. Japan is the land where more women watch male/male romance anime, than gay men do, because men traditionally show more care and affection towards other men, than they do towards women.

I ain't even touching the can of worms that is "teacher refuses to use pronouns of choice"
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby Derek » 29 March 2022, 23:49

PopTart wrote:Japan, Japan is such a repressive society in general. Japan is the land where more women watch male/male romance anime, than gay men do, because men traditionally show more care and affection towards other men, than they do towards women.

Is that why yaoi is a thing? I'm not sure, I think plenty of non-Japanese women like yaoi too. In middle school I was friends with a girl who drew her own.
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Re: Gay pride tattoo for straight guy?

Unread postby pozzie » 30 March 2022, 00:26

My only purpose in bringing up the other countries of which I feel a connection was to say I've experienced more than the country of my birth. Additionally, each of the places I've called home has been unique. I would also say that the different parts of the US I've lived in have also had differences in treatment of LGBTQ people.

And lest we forget, I recall that there was a fair amount of vitriol in France when they extended marriage to same gender couples.
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