My relationship with my dad helps

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My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby guyreal01 » 10 October 2021, 02:17

I am a 16 year old young boy I came out of the closet with my father at 14 and since then everything changed a year ago I discovered that my father is bisexual something that at first was a shock for me but I got over it and thought that this somehow It would unite us more because he could understand how I felt. Since he found out that I am gay he was more open with me and we have talked about all my relationship with him he was distant in the past although he played the role of his father. My 16th birthday was in January and since then my father began to talk about sexual issues with me, we currently live in Spain and sometimes I go to visit my grandmother in the USA and the Caribbean, but this day it has been a lot of thought, my father told me that he wanted Seeing me sucking a cock that would be something nice for him that really has me a little puzzled, I don't even know what to think or say, he told me that he wants to see me fuck a man, something I don't understand because he is my father. I don't dare tell anyone and unfortunately my mother died in an accident several years ago. someone who can guide me
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 10 October 2021, 07:31

What do you want to do? How do you feel about what he has said?

Not gonna lie, some people might get judgey but a few people here won't.

Ultimately, regardless of your response, my advice is likely to boil down to, only do what you feel comfortable with, never feel obligated to do anything you don't want to, even to maintain a relationship with your father. If however it's something your open to, be aware it is quite unconventional. It's likely to be more complicated than your average sexual/interpersonal situation. Be sure you're ready for that kind of thing.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby guyreal01 » 11 October 2021, 18:35

I feel a little strange with this lately I only think about this issue because I did not expect it from him I am afraid to talk about it with my friends because I do not think this is common. Sometimes while I'm alone in my room I feel sexually motivated to do it but then I feel fear is something that has me from one side to the other I will not lie about what I feel but I do not know what would be the right thing or where this would lead me
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 19:25

Long reply, but such a question deserves proper consideration.

Truth is, this really depends on who you are as a person and who your dad is.

If you are the sort of person who can be okay, in yourself, with sleeping with a close relative, then alot of major issues stop being issues.

I have slept with several of my cousins, I think nothing of it. It doesn't bother me and I've related my experiences to friends. Some of whom, were genuinely shocked and found it weird. Their reactions didn't bother me. But I can safely sat, that one or two, never quite looked at me the same way again.

Now take those reactions and multiply them several fold and that is how people will regard a sexual relationship between you and your dad. You aren't going to want to be sharing it, if you do get involved. That alone comes with some issues. As you have fewer avenues, to seek advice or talk about things, if it gets complicated or goes badly in some fashion.

Then there is the question, of how you deal with it emotionally and psychologically. Do you think you are upto the task of engaging in such relations with your dad and not getting so turned around in your head, about what it means, that you end up coming out of it, with some serious emotional baggage? Some people could do what your dads suggests and not be much affected. Many would find it difficult to reconcile their experiences with both their own world view and the perceptions of wider society.

All of that, ignores the complexity of emotions that may result from sexualising your relationship with your dad. What if you or he, develop feelings? How do you contend with that and do you have limits and rules around that? Maybe it's not an issue, if its just a case of sharing partners together.

Also, you need to consider if you really want to do anything your dad suggest, because YOU want to and not because you feel compelled to. Only you can answer that and I would encourage you to answer that question, first of all, before any other consideration.

You say your not sure about alot of things and for that reason...

I think given your uncertainty, your best bet is to avoid sexualising your relationship with your dad at the moment.

Such a thing is going to be complex and would require alot of secrecy, to avoid running foul of social taboos and conventions. Which means alot of stress for something you aren't sure about. It also require alot of emotional maturity to handle properly, aswell as a certain security within yourself.

Then there is the risk of developing a dysfunctional relationship between yourself and your father, if you aren't sure about what your doing and how to go about it in a healthy way. Many would say there is no healthy way. I'm less inclined to make such proscriptive statements.

That you are aroused by idea, might suggest you are open to the idea, but I'm sometimes aroused at the idea of being raped, but I know for a fact I would hate the reality.

That said, if you are tempted and you think you can manage it, I would suggest you give serious thought to what manner of sexual relationship you are willing to engage with, where your no go lines are, how you will handle things if they go over those lines and make sure you are in a position to walk away from that situation if you so choose. Being financially dependant on your dad, while sharing sexual experiences with him, you no longer enjoy, is going to be a really really horrible situation to be in!

To the social aspect:

I will add, that while social convention dictates that any kind of sharing of sexual experience between father and son, is unnatural or bad, there have been no shortage of cultures in history, in which males of a family might engage in sex with partners together, either as a right of passage or as a means of bonding.

Direct sexual interaction between father and son, is less prevelant in history. That said, the impetus for avoiding close relations sexual intercourse (inbreeding) doesn't exist for same sex relationships. And the stigma seems to stem from a general rejection of m/m sexual pairings and for imbalanced power dynamics leading to potential abuse.

Don't rush into this kind of thing. Be safe and be happy.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 19:33

Sorry if my reply was a little difficult to follow, it's a complex issue and I'm tired.

Feel free to ask about any of my points, if anything wasn't clear.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby guyreal01 » 11 October 2021, 19:37

Thank you, I could talk to you privately
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 19:47

As a new forum member, I'm not sure you can send PM's yet. But give it a try and I will reply when I can.

Or you can continue to post here, your identity is anonymous. The forum has strict rules about doxing.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby Peter123777 » 11 October 2021, 20:00

guyreal01 wrote:I am a 16 year old young boy I came out of the closet with my father at 14 and since then everything changed a year ago I discovered that my father is bisexual something that at first was a shock for me but I got over it and thought that this somehow It would unite us more because he could understand how I felt. Since he found out that I am gay he was more open with me and we have talked about all my relationship with him he was distant in the past although he played the role of his father. My 16th birthday was in January and since then my father began to talk about sexual issues with me, we currently live in Spain and sometimes I go to visit my grandmother in the USA and the Caribbean, but this day it has been a lot of thought, my father told me that he wanted Seeing me sucking a cock that would be something nice for him that really has me a little puzzled, I don't even know what to think or say, he told me that he wants to see me fuck a man, something I don't understand because he is my father. I don't dare tell anyone and unfortunately my mother died in an accident several years ago. someone who can guide me



This is kinda disturbing that your father told you so. You're pretty young and anyway that's weird, even if you were 19 years old or older. I think you shouldn't involve your father in your sexual life, for sure not directly, i.e., having sexual relationships with others in front of him and for sure not with him directly. You can share with him sexual experiences if that's something you're up to, but definitely not having sexual relationships in front of him. It can bring the relationship between you and your father to a very disturbed and distorted realms and I highly recommend to avoid it completely.

To be honest it's sounds like your father is a bit of a pervert. I would never ask or suggest anything like that to my son (or daughter). I would say to him that I want to keep my sexual life in privacy and not cause a disturbance in the relationship with him because of sexual matters and honestly, I would be careful of him after he said to you those things, which are again sounds kinda disturbing.

Watch over yourself, you are the most important and no one can take care of you except of yourself. If your dad insists on you performing sexual acts in front of him, I would turn to the police or child service or something. It's hard to admit that your dad is a pervert, but if he is (what could be a possibility) you must stay away from him and do what's need to be done to protect yourself.

To sum up and for "practical application" I would stop talking with him about sexual matters altogether and to the very least, not accept his propositions. Hope that's help.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby guyreal01 » 11 October 2021, 20:11

I understand what you are telling me and I agree on many points of your opinion but I must be honest with you I do not feel obliged to do anything with my father what I am is mentally worried that I do not want to damage my relationship with him. I think that if my relationship with him can be destroyed by that but I also think that this could unite us more. I have a mental duality, he is the most sexual man I have ever known. He wants to see me fuck another man but I think if he wants to fuck with me later. I don't want to be too explicit but there are things that my mind cannot avoid when thinking about him. I do not know if this will pass me over time, currently I try to be in my room but every time we interact in the house he talks to me he looks at me in a passionate way and that excites me a lot but then I run to my room
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby guyreal01 » 11 October 2021, 20:22

I don't know if because of my age my father is manipulating me unconsciously but I am honest with my reactions and feelings maybe I don't have that much sexual experience or anything like that sometimes I think that maybe my mother's death has it so only that it focuses on my for that
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 20:23

guyreal01 wrote:I understand what you are telling me and I agree on many points of your opinion but I must be honest with you I do not feel obliged to do anything with my father what I am is mentally worried that I do not want to damage my relationship with him. I think that if my relationship with him can be destroyed by that but I also think that this could unite us more. I have a mental duality, he is the most sexual man I have ever known. He wants to see me fuck another man but I think if he wants to fuck with me later. I don't want to be too explicit but there are things that my mind cannot avoid when thinking about him. I do not know if this will pass me over time, currently I try to be in my room but every time we interact in the house he talks to me he looks at me in a passionate way and that excites me a lot but then I run to my room
So you live at home? Then I would re-emphasise that you think carefully before commiting to any decision. It's not like you can easily just walk away if things go very badly.

Are you sexually active? Have you had those kinds of relationships with other people already? Why I ask: sometimes it's best to start uncomplicated and small. What your dad proposes, is neither of those things. Perhaps you might benefit from having your own experiences first. Then revisit this situation.

That said, I get the impression you want to say you are attracted to your dad, but don't want to say so quite so openly.

I don't think you need to feel ashamed of that, if it's the case.

Would you say that is so?
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 20:26

guyreal01 wrote:I don't know if because of my age my father is manipulating me unconsciously but I am honest with my reactions and feelings maybe I don't have that much sexual experience or anything like that sometimes I think that maybe my mother's death has it so only that it focuses on my for that

If you don't know if your thoughts and feelings are your own or if they are being influenxed by someone else, then I would have to say that is a warning sign, that you aren't in the right kind of place to engage in this sort of thing and that is fine and well.

Again, I have to say, you don't sound sure and whether it's your dad or some boy from down the street, if you aren't feeling sure, follow you gut and don't jump into anything.
Last edited by PopTart on 11 October 2021, 20:29, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby pozzie » 11 October 2021, 20:27

Obviously the age of consent is younger in the UK than the US, so even talking about this subject in the states is beyond taboo and we've had lots of high profile (less in terms of targets but with plenty of publicity) arrests related to child sex trafficking and porn, so the topic presents some risks.

Mostly I want to suggest, even if completely legal where it might happen, such a sexualized parent-child relationship sets up a possible weird power dynamic. People can be notoriously jealous of their sexual partners and it might be more difficult to date one's peers.

Would we be as willing to accept such a statement if it was said by a father to a daughter?
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 20:32

pozboro wrote:Obviously the age of consent is younger in the UK than the US, so even talking about this subject in the states is beyond taboo and we've had lots of high profile (less in terms of targets but with plenty of publicity) arrests related to child sex trafficking and porn, so the topic presents some risks.

Mostly I want to suggest, even if completely legal where it might happen, such a sexualized parent-child relationship sets up a possible weird power dynamic. People can be notoriously jealous of their sexual partners and it might be more difficult to date one's peers.

Would we be as willing to accept such a statement if it was said by a father to a daughter?
indeed the age of consent is 16 in the UK. I guess it varies by state in US?

The issue regarding the power dynamic is definately real and one worth considering. Especially when the OP is reliant on his dad for a home and being provided for. Risky.

I most definately wouldn't support it if it were a father/daughter, mother/son pairing, due to the risks revolving around inbreeding. Which might not present for a generation or two, but the impact to lives beyond the participants own, is undeniable and therefore, is rightly prohibited.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 20:34

OP: I think, perhaps, you just want to hear, that it's okay to have been aroused by your dads attention. That it doesn't make you freakish or weird or in anyway bad. Which it doesn't. It's okay to react the way you have and not have to follow through with anything.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby Jack C » 11 October 2021, 20:39

Generally it takes a long time for one to fully become aware of their sexual orientation. At the age of 14, you already decided you were gay, so it's safe to assume you've been sexually active with boys and girls? for a couple of years before that. This part alone is a ridiculously confusing subject on its own. Even adults struggle with this. Did you talk to anyone about this besides your dad? Did anybody (local) question or even challenge that decision at all?
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby guyreal01 » 11 October 2021, 20:50

it's the first time that i talk about this i have never talked to anyone about this until now
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby PopTart » 11 October 2021, 21:12

Looking at people's reactions here, I think should inform you as to about as well as doing so elsewhere is likely to go down. Infact, I'd say this is a pretty good reception to the subject. And people here are pretty liberal and open minded!

We can all have an opinion on the morality of your issue, people will bring their bias. For some people the idea of knowing your sexuality at such a young age, is inconceivable, similarly, the thought of finding the same gender attractive, is inconceivable, just as the thought of having sex with a cousin, a brother or a father, is also.

Some will be concerned and some will be offended and outraged.

How you feel about it all, is what matters and whether you fully understand all the implications, possible outcomes and risks involved in this situation.

Your own safety and long term happiness should be forefront in your mind and all our opinions and thoughts should play second fiddle to those two concerns.

Pay attention to the concerns people raise and don't treat them lightly as they may be important in understanding what might be a consequence of any decision you make. Understanding those consequences will ensure that you are best armed to make the choices that are right for you.
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Re: My relationship with my dad helps

Unread postby pozzie » 11 October 2021, 23:34

PopTart wrote:indeed the age of consent is 16 in the UK. I guess it varies by state in US?


yes, it still does and varies between 16 and 18 - not sure if there are exceptions allowed for underaged persons to have parental consent to marriage
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