How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that?

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How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that?

Unread postby dicksonllee » 27 December 2018, 05:51

I know this might be old and you guys have probably told the story over and over again, but any of you wanted to share your story please post it here. :3

I'll start with mine:
Although I dated a few girls back when I was young (purely platonic), I always did find some guys attractive and wanted to get to know them. And I had sex with my best friend's godfather when I was 13 (he was my neighbor and I went to his house to play online games with his pc almost everyday) but I wasn't sure about my sexuality and I never thought about it, because I thought liking girls or boys is the same thing. I didn't even knew those sexuality terms back then and I didn't knew having sex at 13 is wrong (please don't judge me). Yup the sex education in Malaysia was that bad, not to mention I grew up in the capital city of Malaysia.

Fast forward, I moved to a small village when I was 15 due to my parent's divorce. I became friend with a guy in high school and we started dating. It kinda just happened and I did not have any struggle to come out or anything because everyone knew each other and most of them knows that we're dating but they have no problem with it at all. Both of us are just another high school couple and there's no drama of any sort.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby dicksonllee » 27 December 2018, 06:01

Wait... This was supposed to be in the relationship section :gaping:
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby MichaelH » 29 December 2018, 00:14

I had little hints before, but one day when I was twelve it hit me hard. I was doing yardwork at my grandparents' house and went in for refreshments, and my grandfather had left the bathroom door open. The emotions I experienced were overwhelming; it was 1970's and I hear complaints about the sexual revolution now, but it wasn't happening in middle schools then. Shoot, from the news reports of teen suicides it isn't happening now, in almost 2019.

Of course I denied it later, tried to cure myself with extra diligent christianity later, but in 1978 I was living in California. I was 20 and Proposition 6 was on the ballot that year to make it illegal for "homosexuals" to be teaching in public schools. The preacher gave a sermon approving the move, and I decided it was time for me to leave. That was also the year Harvey Milk got killed in San Francisco. That pushed me over the edge, and I had my first gay relationship soon afterward.

For the first time since adolescence I felt halfway normal instead of totally abnormal.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Brenden » 29 December 2018, 20:21

All through school I had emotional feelings for girls, but I felt so awkward about them, and looking back I’d now say I had crush-friendships with a couple guys. I was bullied for supposedly being gay in school, despite the crushes on girls, which confused me and made me repress my sexuality. For a long time, despite looking at a lot of gay porn, I deluded myself about my sexuality. Then one evening rather than searching for more gay porn I decided to search for a gay forum and found GayTeenForum.org. After joining the community I felt much more accepting of myself and determined I’m bisexual (4 on the Kinsey Scale).
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Crisis_Jay » 29 December 2018, 22:38

I saw a guy wearing speedos in a movie when I was 12 and had absolutely no doubt. I wanted to see that sort of thing constantly afterwards. This was before everyone had internet access so it wasn't as easy as it is today.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 30 December 2018, 03:14

Brenden wrote:All through school I had emotional feelings for girls, but I felt so awkward about them, and looking back I’d now say I had crush-friendships with a couple guys. I was bullied for supposedly being gay in school, despite the crushes on girls, which confused me and made me repress my sexuality. For a long time, despite looking at a lot of gay porn, I deluded myself about my sexuality. Then one evening rather than searching for more gay porn I decided to search for a gay forum and found GayTeenForum.org. After joining the community I felt much more accepting of myself and determined I’m bisexual (4 on the Kinsey Scale).

Queeeeeeer! *taunts and bullies*

I just remembered how much of a dick i was to this one blonde gay kid who was a huge flamer. I would ask him why he wanted to be a girl. In hindsight I probably could’ve gotten him to give me head. Who knows, though. We were in middle school. lol
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Derek » 30 December 2018, 03:23

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:All through school I had emotional feelings for girls, but I felt so awkward about them, and looking back I’d now say I had crush-friendships with a couple guys. I was bullied for supposedly being gay in school, despite the crushes on girls, which confused me and made me repress my sexuality. For a long time, despite looking at a lot of gay porn, I deluded myself about my sexuality. Then one evening rather than searching for more gay porn I decided to search for a gay forum and found GayTeenForum.org. After joining the community I felt much more accepting of myself and determined I’m bisexual (4 on the Kinsey Scale).

Queeeeeeer! *taunts and bullies*

I just remembered how much of a dick i was to this one blonde gay kid who was a huge flamer. I would ask him why he wanted to be a girl. In hindsight I probably could’ve gotten him to give me head. Who knows, though. We were in middle school. lol

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Interestingly, I once got in a fight with a flamingly gay kid in the 7th grade. He grabbed my arm and tried to spin me around like he was Mario and I punched him and got detention.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Brenden » 30 December 2018, 12:23

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:All through school I had emotional feelings for girls, but I felt so awkward about them, and looking back I’d now say I had crush-friendships with a couple guys. I was bullied for supposedly being gay in school, despite the crushes on girls, which confused me and made me repress my sexuality. For a long time, despite looking at a lot of gay porn, I deluded myself about my sexuality. Then one evening rather than searching for more gay porn I decided to search for a gay forum and found GayTeenForum.org. After joining the community I felt much more accepting of myself and determined I’m bisexual (4 on the Kinsey Scale).

Queeeeeeer! *taunts and bullies*

I just remembered how much of a dick i was to this one blonde gay kid who was a huge flamer. I would ask him why he wanted to be a girl. In hindsight I probably could’ve gotten him to give me head. Who knows, though. We were in middle school. lol

The strangest thing is that once I tried to ask a girl I liked out in middle school… and then was subsequently bullied for being gay by a group of guys who heard about it. :crazy:
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 30 December 2018, 17:12

Derek wrote:Image

:lol: I stumbled onto that on tumblr a couple months ago. That place is such a rich repository of insight.

Derek wrote:Interestingly, I once got in a fight with a flamingly gay kid in the 7th grade. He grabbed my arm and tried to spin me around like he was Mario and I punched him and got detention.

Was he hot?

Brenden wrote:The strangest thing is that once I tried to ask a girl I liked out in middle school… and then was subsequently bullied for being gay by a group of guys who heard about it. :crazy:

Reminds me of this:

Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 December 2018, 18:19

How did I know: Actually that was simple for me. Right from the start when I became sexually aware it was definitely for guys and not girls.

How well did I accept being gay: That's what a lot of people assume incorrectly about me. I pretty much 100% accepted it right from the get go. I very purposefully chose to act straight. My family was horribly prejudiced not to mention homofobic. Same could be said for all around me when/where I grew up. At some point I guess acting straight became second nature. One thing lead to another. Married. Kids. Thank God for the divorce. Now I'm mostly out (still in process) and feel so much better about that. Living with that lie took a toll on me I was not aware of. So I guess this is my second acceptance of it in ways.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Crisis_Jay » 30 December 2018, 19:45

mxguy01 wrote:How did I know: Actually that was simple for me. Right from the start when I became sexually aware it was definitely for guys and not girls.

How well did I accept being gay: That's what a lot of people assume incorrectly about me. I pretty much 100% accepted it right from the get go. I very purposefully chose to act straight. My family was horribly prejudiced not to mention homofobic. Same could be said for all around me when/where I grew up. At some point I guess acting straight became second nature. One thing lead to another. Married. Kids. Thank God for the divorce. Now I'm mostly out (still in process) and feel so much better about that. Living with that lie took a toll on me I was not aware of. So I guess this is my second acceptance of it in ways.

Would you consider yourself bisexual if you were able to have sex with a woman? I really don't think I could get aroused enough by one to have sex. Maybe with Viagra but have no intention on trying.

Much of my family is also very homophobic, especially my mother and step father. My mother used to watch the Ellen Degeneres sitcom regularly then immediately stopped when she came out and called her a "faggot" who ruined her career (but look she still has a successful talk show). She'd refer to the one gay guy at her job as an "AIDS victim". Step father was/is similar. I don't know how people reach that level of hatred without actually being wronged by someone.

Regardless of their views I had no choice but to accept myself because I knew it wouldn't change. I went through a brief phase of trying to "pray it away" early on that of course led nowhere.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby mxguy01 » 30 December 2018, 20:38

Nope. Definitely not Bi. Now that I'm out and can be with a guy, I have no "need" that a female can fulfill. Pretty much ever time having sex with a female I would imagine being with a guy to climax. Simply I am not sexually attracted to females.

Could I have sex and climax with a female. Well I guess if that's all I'd had available I'd make use of it. I guess in that I have not changed. I'd definitely have an image of being with a guy when in time of need. LoL

My parents/family believed gays, or rather faggots, deserved AIDS and "it serves them right" to die such a death. Weird that they were not really horrible people but their prejudice ran deep. More due to "the time and the place" I think. They softened in their later years but I never forgot their true feelings.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 30 December 2018, 20:48

I feel like that’s true for most prejudicial people. Most prejudice comes not from monolithically evil people but otherwise well-intentioned, run-of-the-mill folks, like any family relatives of ours, who have grips and shitty attitudes of groups of people they have a hard time empathizing with. Part of it is laziness. It’s easy to generalize and draw bullshit conclusions from impressions based on negative anecdotes and stereotypes.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Crisis_Jay » 30 December 2018, 21:34

mxguy01 wrote:Nope. Definitely not Bi. Now that I'm out and can be with a guy, I have no "need" that a female can fulfill. Pretty much ever time having sex with a female I would imagine being with a guy to climax. Simply I am not sexually attracted to females.

Could I have sex and climax with a female. Well I guess if that's all I'd had available I'd make use of it. I guess in that I have not changed. I'd definitely have an image of being with a guy when in time of need. LoL

My parents/family believed gays, or rather faggots, deserved AIDS and "it serves them right" to die such a death. Weird that they were not really horrible people but their prejudice ran deep. More due to "the time and the place" I think. They softened in their later years but I never forgot their true feelings.

I guess the prejudice comes from a combination of being inherited, ignorance, and what they see in the media. When I think of how deep my mother's homophobia runs I have to think it has to do with me. I'm certain she knows (I accidentally left "material" in the bathroom once, weekend getaways with a guy, lack of girlfriends, etc.) but is in denial. She wants grandchildren but unfortunately won't be getting them from me, so I think she's angry about that. And "OMG what will people think if I have a gay son?". She's one of those types. Appearances seem to be more important to her than people in her life, and I inherited a degree of those insecurities.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 31 December 2018, 02:33

Just never had any attraction toward girls. I knew very early, before school age, although I didn't have a name for "being all different" as in "oops, wrong planet" and I thought about couples, they all were wrong - it should be the men getting married to men and women get married to women. That was my own logic. But then, religion and everyone told otherwise, and life reality was the other way around. So I had to be wrong. I lived in fears, because of the stories that were told. Those of people caught gay in other villages or suspected that, and how their parents had beaten them to death and things. I was terribly afraid of people finding out about this difference, so I would always, always watch my behaviour and conceal my thoughts, better breathing locked away, pretty well. And I tried to suppress every wee thing about gay related emotions. I thought as a teen, if I never let it come to light, maybe, just maybe then I can survive. I had to bury this far inside. About like with the tomb of the witch king of Angmar, just trice as deep, since he got out...
Yet all the suppression of it never changed the core - all the religious bullshit and being raised by Catholics and beaten up for other difference, and almost be driven to despair and suicide because of this kind of treatment - I told before. Dunno, if I told the whole ugly story, though.

It could not change a thing at my innermost feelings and knowledge. If I have to marry, once I'll be a grown-up, I thought at an age like 5 already, this can only be to another man. Of those, romantically I fancied dreams all along, deeply hidden within. I never dared as much as to look at another guy, and I had that self hate time, where I looked at myself through the eyes of my homophobic and religious surroundings. So I did not feel all right, psycho-manipulated by, what I call the "god- introjection" or directive I was raised into. In my teens and twens so, I came pretty close to a self destructive mindset for a while.

If it wasn't for rather intelligent people I met in Canada talking me out of it all ( I had looked up doctors for specific brain surgery and the idea to OP the gay to silence ) I probably would have killed myself.
So I owe to Canada, it's not just my favourite Country because it's great. :bowdown: :heart:

So no, at first it was rather hard to accept it - my natural and scientific approach told me, it's just a variation of nature and personality, and the psycho-introjected religious bullshit, as well as the opinion of most people I had met until then, told me, it's a mistake nature (god) made, urging me to take up the duty of correcting this. (Possibly by suicide, as religious folks tell you over, that you're shit and worthless, dangerous, invalid to life and possessed with demons for just other unwanted differences, too)
I lived in severe fears of being discovered all along.

Okay, in the end, my logic reasoning won the challenge of hermeneutics - I got rid of the god-delusion. Need no god fantasm to explain the universe ( as I found, the Copenhagen interpretation to be more close anyhow ) and certainly not, to whom I might have possibly ever developed love, if I ever had been a valid candidate. So today I think, it's okay. It's just the lonely part that isn't always that easy on it.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby mxguy01 » 31 December 2018, 06:21

Crisis_Jay wrote:
mxguy01 wrote:Nope. Definitely not Bi. Now that I'm out and can be with a guy, I have no "need" that a female can fulfill. Pretty much ever time having sex with a female I would imagine being with a guy to climax. Simply I am not sexually attracted to females.

Could I have sex and climax with a female. Well I guess if that's all I'd had available I'd make use of it. I guess in that I have not changed. I'd definitely have an image of being with a guy when in time of need. LoL

My parents/family believed gays, or rather faggots, deserved AIDS and "it serves them right" to die such a death. Weird that they were not really horrible people but their prejudice ran deep. More due to "the time and the place" I think. They softened in their later years but I never forgot their true feelings.

I guess the prejudice comes from a combination of being inherited, ignorance, and what they see in the media. When I think of how deep my mother's homophobia runs I have to think it has to do with me. I'm certain she knows (I accidentally left "material" in the bathroom once, weekend getaways with a guy, lack of girlfriends, etc.) but is in denial. She wants grandchildren but unfortunately won't be getting them from me, so I think she's angry about that. And "OMG what will people think if I have a gay son?". She's one of those types. Appearances seem to be more important to her than people in her life, and I inherited a degree of those insecurities.


I use to wonder if my parents and brothers suspected. I did not date at all as a teen to young 20 something. Right there normal parents should have sat down with that kid to have a talk about things being ok... Perhaps that's exactly why I never got that talk. But many parents don't have such conversations with their kids. In our/my case we had those conversations with our kids.

Admittedly I did not tell them about me being gay and hence did not challenge them there. But they were also bitterly prejudiced against blacks. That one I "dealt" with them on. I basically won the truce. Essentially they knew to hold that crap while I was present. I made one rather unpleasant scene with one of my brothers blatantly making him look foolish over it; he was not very bright so an easy target. It was a Thanksgiving get together and he decided to try to push my buttons. By that point most of my family knew to leave it alone including my Dad so that incident was the very last occurrence in my presence. If only I was willing to stand up for myself.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Crisis_Jay » 31 December 2018, 15:53

Mine are also prejudice against blacks, but only show it in private of course. They're the typical type of what I imagine when I think of Trump supporters (they fucking love him and get angry as hell if you talk trash about him). They put on a public facade of being ok with everyone, but on the inside they're bigoted and intolerant and I really don't think that will ever change no matter how many black acquaintances they have.

My great grandmother was a school teacher back in the 20s and 30s. I remember her telling me how much better things were before integration and that it should have never happened, and whites and blacks don't even belong in the same town. I was kind of shocked by some of the things she said being she seemed to be a sweet, quiet little old church lady most of the time, never missing a service. So I know where my mother and grandfather got it from. When that sort of thing is ingrained in you from birth I imagine it stays with you forever. I don't believe some people have the mental capacity nor are willing to analyze their thoughts and try to understand the world around them and change their views.
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby Aunty Eva » 1 January 2019, 01:40

I've always known I was "different" I wasn't a normal boy but I wasn't one of the girls either. I had an obsession with boobs, but also loved watching the boys playing football (soccer for my USA Bros) even though I hate the sport.

It wasn't until around 14 that I heard the term bisexual and investigated it in more detail on the dial up internet and encyclopedia. I found it was a fit for me but not perfect. I came out to my Nan and asked her to keep it between us. Which she did up until she. At which point I felt my only confidant had gone. I had hidden it from everyone else as my father is a massive c#*t and homophobic and racist.

I tried to commit suicide at 27 because I felt I was hiding half of myself and couldn't ever be happy as I was trying to cover up my life. It fortunately failed and I woke up. At which point, I decided to live my life for who I am. So I came out. From then on I've done everything I can to promote and encourage bisexuality and other LGBTQ people to be themselves. This took me down many roads and brought me into the wonderful world of Drag. Where Eva Jenna-Talia, Aunty Eva, the bisexual beast herself travels the country spreading love acceptance and a passion for life to all that will listen.

So to answer your question... Always
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Re: How did you know that you're gay? And how well did you accept that

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 1 January 2019, 02:05

I just want you all to know that I probably would have bullied half of you in middle school and given you swirlies but take solace in the fact that I’d nut in you later in life. Well, the lookers. The rest of you would probably get a handshake. Happy New Years!
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