How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

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How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby cougar4327 » 23 September 2019, 17:45

Having had negative feelings and attitude toward gays for years. I now have guilt feelings toward having gay sex. After having gay sex, I determine not to have it again, but after a short time I crave having gay sex. How do I deal with these guilt feelings? It is near impossible for me not to crave gay sex after a short period of time desiring not to indulge ---my physical attraction to men is very near impossible to resist.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Jzone » 23 September 2019, 17:59

I suggest joining the Catholic Church. That way these guilty feelings will be diluted and barely noticeable in the sea of guilt they will provide for a modest sum.

Seriously, your attractions are a natural part of who you are. Guilt is optional. Try to transform those feelings into sadness that you denied this part of yourself for so long, anger at the people and society who encouraged that, and gratitude for finally allowing yourself some fulfillment.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby cougar4327 » 23 September 2019, 19:02

Thank you for replying. I am still attracted to woman, but get nowhere near excited in desiring physical sex with men, but due to my past negative feelings toward gays the quilt is so strong. It is almost impossible do get involved with anything until I fulfill my desires to have sex with a man--but once that is fulfilled my guilt returns. Right now I have a great desire to have sex with a man---it is overwhelming. Sometime I feel it is a physical addiction and I am not really gay. Help me out.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby mxguy01 » 23 September 2019, 19:07

Jzone wrote:I suggest joining the Catholic Church. That way these guilty feelings will be diluted and barely noticeable in the sea of guilt they will provide for a modest sum.

Seriously, your attractions are a natural part of who you are. Guilt is optional. Try to transform those feelings into sadness that you denied this part of yourself for so long, anger at the people and society who encouraged that, and gratitude for finally allowing yourself some fulfillment.


That's a slippery slope; I know it well.

Better to look at it objectively. Recognize the past is just that - gone, over, behind. Sure take a good long look at it if need be. But then turn right back around because it's time to look forward and be better about creating memories for oneself that are meaningful and pleasant. There is actually only one person needed to do that - yourself but some assistance may help.

To the OP: What you describe sounds serious to me TBH. You really need someone you can talk to that can help you deal with that. I'm thinking an psychiatrist mainly because it should be inexpensive (if you have medical benefits to cover it), readily available, someone you can confide in, etc. If not that think about finding a gay support group. There is a "Gay open mike" meeting night at the LGBT in nearby Oakland. Maybe you can find the similar in your area if you don't want to do the psychiatrist route.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby mxguy01 » 23 September 2019, 19:10

I see in your profile that your 70 y/o. So the question becomes, why have you yet to sort that out?
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby cougar4327 » 23 September 2019, 19:19

I don't understand that myself. I just began to get sexuay involved about ten years ago and it has been a roller coaster of emotions ever since. Acceptance has been a major problem along with Catholic guilt and macoism.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Eryx » 23 September 2019, 21:42

Accept that it's normal, or suffer forever.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Jryski » 24 September 2019, 02:00

Werent you the guy that said that you were no longer attracted to women in the other post? Or was that a different 70 year old?
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Jzone » 24 September 2019, 02:04

Eryx wrote:Accept that it's normal, or suffer forever.

Damn, Eryx! Have you considered becoming a priest?
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Jryski » 24 September 2019, 02:14

Why would you choose to have to feel guilty if it was convenient?
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby cougar4327 » 24 September 2019, 13:37

Same person. Same guilt feelings. Still problems with acceptance that I am gay. How does a man who considered himself straight for so long now crave sex with men and enjoy having sex with men. It is hard to accept being considered a macho men, now on his kees with a cock in his mouth--sorry for being crude
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Jryski » 24 September 2019, 18:03

So only pussies and sissies have the guts to come to terms with being attracted to other guys eh?
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 25 September 2019, 01:55

Have you tried confronting your fears? Maybe hire a group of inbred looking rednecks to play the role of high school bullies and pay them to homophobically taunt you.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 27 September 2019, 08:51

I reckon you've probably had an attraction to men your whole life, but have always repressed and/or ignored it. In my experience, the biggest homophobes have always been the men who can't handle the fact that they have attractions/desires so they rather lash out at those who have come to terms with it, sort of as a coping mechanism. By shifting the focus, nobody would look at you. That sort of scenario.

I have to agree with Eryx though. Accept that it is, in fact, part of your genetic makeup and move along. Otherwise you will continue in the downward spiral of self-loathing. Honestly now, do you feel it's worth it?

Rather enjoy your life. If that means finally exploring "that" part of you that you have ignored your entire life, so be it!
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby PandaBoo » 28 September 2019, 21:47

You need to see a therapist.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby cougar4327 » 28 September 2019, 22:25

I never had a sexual attraction to men until 10 years ago and it is persistent. It all began watching porn--I sometimes am grateful for that and sometimes not so grateful. The guilt continues to be a problem and I can't put a end to it---I wish I could. To admit being gay while being attracted to woman seems to be a contradiction. Some say I am bi, but I began to question that assumption in that my sexual attraction is much more intense with men--I am more sexually attraction to men. Answer this please: if I am more sexually attracted to men than woman and more sexually excited to be with men---does that make me Gay?
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby cougar4327 » 28 September 2019, 22:29

By the way, the only sexual encounters I have the last years have bee with men and not with woman.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Eryx » 28 September 2019, 22:56

Yes it does, and it's fine
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Jzone » 29 September 2019, 00:24

cougar4327 wrote:Answer this please: if I am more sexually attracted to men than woman and more sexually excited to be with men---does that make me Gay?

No, it does not "make" you gay. You are sexual — maybe bi, maybe gay — and I think it's great that you are not stuck in a rut. Too many people decide who they are in their 20's and never grow out of that image. Here you are late in life (if you don't mind me saying), and you are discovering new things about yourself. Pat yourself on the back, I say.

When I watch porn it is exclusively gay, but I sleep with a woman every night. My previous romantic/sexual relationship was with a guy. What box do I put myself in? No boxes for me, thank you. I'm happy being sexual without needing a label.

Try to relax into yourself is the only advice I can give.
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Re: How do I deal with having guilt feelings in having gay sex

Unread postby Eryx » 29 September 2019, 00:49

You're right. The title doesn't matter, and it shouldn't. But cougar also needs to understand that his preferences are real and that they're natural, that he doesn't need to worry about being an outcast or change his life abruptly just because of this new realization. It's better for him to understand that he has homosexual urges and may be a bisexual person than to keep telling him that "he is what he is" and whatever. That's another talk for another stage.
Last edited by Eryx on 29 September 2019, 15:08, edited 1 time in total.
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