How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

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How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby venicebeach95 » 11 October 2019, 22:08

I'm 23 and only a few months out of college, and I'm back at home for the time being while I find a full-time job. I met someone last month and we've hit it off very very quick, but he's only in town from Texas a few times a month until he moves out here around Christmas. He wants us to have some quality time together since I live at home and he has a roommate when he stays out here, so he's taking me to Carlsbad down in San Diego for a few days at the end of the month.

What I'm struggling with, is how do I tell my mom about these plans? She's a cool mom and very very very accepting of my sexuality but she's also a bit of a worrier and overprotective. I'm almost 24 and when I go out, she tells me to text her once I'm home, even if it's at 1 or 2am. Plus, she's never met a boy that I talk to. To top it off, she might be a little wary when she hears that this guy is 14 years older than I am.

What I'm asking is, what do you all think I should do? I don't want to put him in a situation where he's meeting my mom and being all formal as if we're about to get married, but I also can't just pick up my stuff and say "bye mom, my man's here to kidnap me for a couple of days, I'll see you on Monday!" Plus I'm close to being in my mid-20s. By my age, she was married and had me. I'm allowed a bit of freedom, aren't I?

Thank you!
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby Eryx » 11 October 2019, 23:56

You're 24, you don't have to excuse yourself to go on a little trip, and you've already met him for a few times, so it's not like he's a stranger. I know you don't want to confront your mom, but if push comes to shove, that's what you're gonna have to do. You're 24!!!

You don't have to talk about how old he is, if you think that's going to be a problem, then lie if you want. I'd just be honest and upfront, her time period of having a say in what you do or where you go expired when you turned 18. That was six years ago.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby NvM » 12 October 2019, 03:28

Not enough info here but maybe she should meet the bf? it likely no big for every one
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby IanSaidHi » 12 October 2019, 09:14

Just say you’re going on holiday with a friend (which isn’t a lie). If she starts asking too many questions or makes you feel guilty or anything through her over protectiveness then it’s really time to tell her you’re a 24 year old MAN and you want to (and are going to) do this.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby Marmaduke » 12 October 2019, 09:49

IanSaidHi wrote:Just say you’re going on holiday with a friend (which isn’t a lie). If she starts asking too many questions or makes you feel guilty or anything through her over protectiveness then it’s really time to tell her you’re a 24 year old MAN and you want to (and are going to) do this.

I agree with all of this, aside from shouting your gender at your mother. She’s aware.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby IanSaidHi » 12 October 2019, 09:55

Marmaduke wrote:
IanSaidHi wrote:Just say you’re going on holiday with a friend (which isn’t a lie). If she starts asking too many questions or makes you feel guilty or anything through her over protectiveness then it’s really time to tell her you’re a 24 year old MAN and you want to (and are going to) do this.

I agree with all of this, aside from shouting your gender at your mother. She’s aware.


I meant he’s not a BOY :) Maybe I should have just said adult.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby NvM » 12 October 2019, 15:46

what ever you do dont phuck it up to the point you may not enjoy the vacation. these things tend to be memorable. Life is a long path. ENJOY!!

have a family member you trust break the ice for you a little?
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby Jryski » 12 October 2019, 16:08

If we're talking about respect since you are living in her house, then I'd say just let her know that you have been seeing a guy for awhile and planned a trip to San Diego. Tell her a little bit about your trip and when you're on the trip, you can check in with her once in awhile. It's no biggie.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 13 October 2019, 14:09

I have an 24 yo friend, my Moto buddy. He still lives at home. His dad fairly religious but apparently open minded. His GF even stays over at home. Maybe your mom would be the same - accepting of it. You wont know if you don't give her that chance. If things don't go well, hold your stance but with the respect your mom still deserves. Most parents will do anything to provide a safe environment for there kids. Including shelving soMe things that otherwise might be objectionable.

You could start out with "I was afraid to tell you but,". Only do that if you feel it is a bit true. Then elaborate that you hope that fear was unfounded.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby NvM » 14 October 2019, 10:20

-children start dating sooner.
-children stay at home longer. It is more difficult just starting out as the new job market is less inclusive.

A successful family has to accept that their demon spawn children have a sex life too. Maybe under the same roof.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 14 October 2019, 12:59

Man oh man, one mention of a slightly over protective mom and we're ready to gather the pitch forks.

Clearly not the case with the OP, but I'd say if you're an adult and don't like the rules the actual owners of the home have, then move out.

As far as sending texts when you get home, you can remind her you're living there so that's pointless assuming she is home at 2am. LoL Otherwise NBD. When you move out you then can just ignore that request and when brought up simply state it's not really necessary or appropriate any more.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 14 October 2019, 13:20

It's great that your mom is open-minded and cares enough about your well-being to ask you to do things like text you when you arrive so that she knows you're safe. Sure, it could seem like she's meddling, but at the end of the day she's just being a good mom. Some people are not as fortunate and their parents honestly couldn't care less.

I agree with what was said above - you are living in her house so it is respectful to tell her you're going away for a few days. She does not need to know all of the details though. You're old enough to make your own decisions. If not now, then when?

You could always compromise and tell her you will text her daily just to let her know you're still ok. It doesn't have to be a formal "check in" message. Maybe something along the lines of "we went for a hike today up a mountain and saw a beautiful sunset, I'm sure you would have loved the view". That way you still appeal to her maternal instincts, but not to the extent that you are giving up your independence by having to be a "good little boy" (which I do not say sarcastically or disrespectfully).
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 14 October 2019, 14:52

NvM wrote:-children start dating sooner.
-children stay at home longer. It is more difficult just starting out as the new job market is less inclusive.

A successful family has to accept that their demon spawn children have a sex life too. Maybe under the same roof.


I have to disagree to that. My wife and I never let our kids have any privy to our sex life. That entailed being cautious about it even in our own home. I dare say we were successful at it and that took some effort, lol.

So flip the coin. Other than maybe wanting to cause a conflict, I doubt most people ever want their parents to be privy of their sex life to the extent of those particulars. At any age.

So all and all I'd consider it the norm to not want to have sex while under one's parents roof.

I sure as hell would want them hearing me call out "instructions" while in the act. Seriously, you'd want to be getting into it and then have the "OMG what if they hear" thought interrupt the activities. Talk about a mood killer.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby NvM » 14 October 2019, 17:29

I was trying to say:
at a certain age the child will be bringing over a significant other and should be permitted respect and privacy with the door closed.
-because children are dating earlier in life
-Parents often have a child living with them longer than expected. 4example; the OP is 24 years old.

there are many ways to handle this and some families will never get over it. At some point the child needs to transition into this. An obvious bad is a married couple, the husbands have to sleep in separate rooms.

if parents have been successful, their children will all wind up in some sort of loving relationship. That may happen in their college years or as early as high school or when they are 30years old.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 14 October 2019, 18:17

Well I get and agree with all that except I half to add that "door closed" with the SO for the purpose to have sex will not be in my home. I'd have that respect for my parents, for myself and for my children. On that I get to invoke the "my house, my rules". The wife agreed with that so really "our" btw. My son never brought up the subject and it was never an issue. Pretty darn sure he didn't want his mother, me nor his younger sister overhearing the activities. My son knew plenty of places to go camping or elsewhere. He also could choose to spring for a hotel room. I'm not disagreeing with his right to privacy. In fact, I strongly wish that to remain private wrt me. Dang sure his mom felt the same way.

Who said anything about husbands sleeping in different rooms. Yeah, by that point I wouldn't call it a marriage anymore. Call me crazy when I say I just wouldn't feel right having my parents hear my partner and I fucking nor do I wish for that table to be turned on me. There's an expression "get a room". Said room can bet a tent in a campsite, it can be a motel room, it can be anywhere but my home.
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Re: How to mention the vacations plans I have with a date to my mom.

Unread postby NvM » 14 October 2019, 18:35

xwife & I agreed to let the 17 year old daughter sleep with her BF over night. A decision we never regretted.
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