I'm 21-years-old, and I want to date an 18-year-old.

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I'm 21-years-old, and I want to date an 18-year-old.

Unread postby Altruistic_Garage926 » 10 June 2021, 23:59

Hi everyone. Sorry in advance if I do anything stupid... I'm new here.

I'm a 20-year old, almost 21-year-old soon to be college sophomore (I turn 21 in August). If it's relevant, I'm gay. I met this guy, a soon to be high school senior, at a nearby high school soon after starting college, and I've grown to absolutely love him to bits. I've liked people before, but I've never felt quite like this around someone. I love spending time with him, I love talking to him, and recently we both expressed interest in each other.

I'm worried about the age-gap, though. He's currently 17, and will turn 18 early next year. We've never done anything sexual (although it is legal, where I'm at), and I'd happily wait forever if it meant being with him. I'm considering waiting a few months until he's 18, and then entering into a relationship.

Is this age gap too large (~3 1/2 years), though?

He comes off as fairly socially and emotionally mature, at least so much so that I've never felt like I was talking to someone any younger than myself. On the other hand, I suffered a lot of abuse and isolation as a teenager, and am perhaps less emotionally mature than other people my age.

I don't know what to do. I know what I want to do, but I'm not sure if it's right. Whether it's believable or not, it isn't a sexual thing. I'm very attracted to him, of course. But I'm attracted to a lot of people, and I don't want to date them. I like him as a person, a lot. If I knew we'd never have sex, I'd still want this. I've had people say things from I'm a disgusting pedophile to it's completely normal. I'm so confused :(
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PostThis post was deleted by dragonfire on 11 June 2021, 01:34.
Reason: Got some details wrong, will wait for someone more knowledgeable on this to answer

Re: I'm 21-years-old, and I want to date an 18-year-old.

Unread postby PopTart » 11 June 2021, 17:18

As age gaps go, it is one of the most benign and pretty insignificant ones in my estimation.

I have had relationships with much wider margins of age difference.

If this guy were 16, perhaps it might be worth asking some hard questions.

But otherwise, I think an age gap of 3-4 years, with the lowest aged person being 18 and the oldest nearing 21, I dont really see that as anything at all to worry about.

So long as 18 is legal in your part of the world and everyone is consenting. I'd say take the chance.

It's not often that someone you truly connect with comes along.
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Re: I'm 21-years-old, and I want to date an 18-year-old.

Unread postby Eryx » 12 June 2021, 13:03

Lol, I've rewritten this post a few times because I'm a really bad mood today and I don't want to sound rude. But really, you're asking us if a three-year gap between two adults is too much? In what kind of reality do you live in?

The only concern you should have is immaturity, but I doubt that's really going to be too different in someone who's 21 and someone who's 18.

Now you left me wondering if your life is sheltered enough that everyone in your close proximity actually lives in relationships with less than a three-year gap across the board. I think going over that gap is more likely than not lol.

If I knew we'd never have sex, I'd still want this.
Yeah, for a while... You're not the first prince in the planet who can avoid natural urges better than anyone who ever lived. You know how that story goes.

If this guy were 16, perhaps it might be worth asking some hard questions.
Even if! I don't know why someone who's over 20 would want to be with an obnoxious teenager fretting about jocks and calculus tests outside of being a pedophile, but 16 is a fair enough age even. I find it impressive that age gaps have become so regulated and judged by people who consider themselves to be individualistic and private to the point where a random dude comes here to ask if three years of difference is a problem. Fuck me...

Americans are getting increasingly prudish over time.
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