I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

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I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby shapiferoar » 4 December 2019, 20:11

Hi, I'm a straight male and I really need advice. Currently I have found out that my best friends little brother(aged 12) might potentially be gay. We caught her little brother watching gay porn as well as search for terms like "yaoi hentai" in his browsing history. We are concerned that he might be gay, I live in a country where being gay is strongly hated and not supported as it is illegal to be gay by law. Her parents might disown her little brother if they knew he was gay. At first, we had stupid ideas of brainwashing him back to being straight when we were in denial, but we understand that being gay isn't a choice. I cannot imagine the pain and suffering if my parents were to disown me just because I liked girls. I pains my heart that he might potentially be disowned for who he is.

What I really want to ask is how can we support him at an early age, so he will not need to endure whats coming ahead of him alone? I understand that discrimination cannot be avoided but I want to at least make him be able to love himself for who he is.

You know, I used to hate and react in disgust to gay people, I want to apologise for my ignorance. I am truly sad society shaped me to think that way, we are all human. We all deserve love and respect.
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 4 December 2019, 21:37

Um, tell him what you just wrote. Pretty much the whole thing. The reality of it. Your acceptance and being there for him. It's what you have to offer him. When time comes perhaps you can even be there when he needs to take a stand <- whatever that means for him.
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby Jzone » 4 December 2019, 21:46

There's really no difference supporting this kid in this situation compared to any other challenge where he might be scorned. Let him know that he is loved, valued, and appreciated for who he is. You don't need to mention your reason unless it actually comes up as an issue for him. Build trust so he will talk with you about his difficulties if he wants to.
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby shapiferoar » 4 December 2019, 22:22

Haha I guessed we looked too much into the issue and panicked. Instead of treating him being gay such a big deal, we just need to support him like any kid that needs support. We feel so dumb for not realising such a simple solution :lol: . Thank you guys for your advice it was very helpful!
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 5 December 2019, 06:05

Another thing to bear in mind is that he is only 12. Granted, some people know their sexuality at that age. On the other hand, he may just be curious and looking around. He's on the cusp of puberty so he may be curious to see what's about to happen to his body and what he could maybe expect his penis to develop into. Either way, all the best and support him however you can.
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby shapiferoar » 5 December 2019, 06:37

We will keep that in mind, will just be patient for now.
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby Derek » 5 December 2019, 06:51

If it's true that he could disowned or legally punished, and you've already caught him once, maybe you should help him cover his tracks. Is he deleting his browser history? Does he know how? It might be worth an extremely awkward conversation if it keeps him from being thrown out or sent to some hellish conversion program.

I have to disagree with some of what the others have said. He's in an extremely vulnerable position and it is a big deal. Also, I don't buy that a 12-year-old would google yaoi if he wasn't definitely gay.
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 5 December 2019, 07:29

Derek makes some valid points. If possible, Brave browser is great. I use it personally. For starters, helps kill ads, lol. Also has built in Incognitio mode as well as a Tor browser =
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby shapiferoar » 5 December 2019, 07:30

Yup we are actively covering his tracks even right at this very moment. Now that you brought the yaoi thing up, he did confess to his classmate once. But he told us it was a dare or something. But the confession was too real. The last thing we want is him getting into a conversion program which is highly probable.

I’ve looked into my countries law, and good news is that being gay isn’t illegal. What’s illegal is more on forcing someone else to perform gay acts which is just plain rape. But that doesn’t mean that the country supports gay people, there are no programs or facilities provided to help gay people.

Right now we are still in the stage of denial, I’m an outsider so it isn’t affecting me that much. But my friend and her sister is still taking time to accept before we proceed with talking to him, we don’t want to scare him.
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby shapiferoar » 5 December 2019, 07:35

Thanks for the recommendation Kenzie, we will look into it :D
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 5 December 2019, 11:37

Some people do know about their romantic orientation long before all the sexual development comes around. I knew by the age of 5-6 years, as I could observe, everyone else thought different around me. Also growing up in a very religious environment I learnt to conceal myself and my true feelings and how to do the act of the closeted.

One would guess the young guy could have some of that intuitive instinct and his daring toward the classmate was to see, what they would react like, how well or not it was taken. I think this event to be the strongest hint, else he could be just some teen curious to find out what these things are about. Some people go through a puberty phase, where they are not certain about their orientation, too. A lot of questioning and trying to figure out their self, so to say. He even might eventually come around and identify as straight or just bi.

I find it respectable, that you have made your way to acceptance and support and you've learnt how to overcome the mindset you were raised with. The young man couldn't have much better luck in life as to have people like you around. :thumbsup:
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby Eryx » 5 December 2019, 13:47

It's true that he could be bisexual or not even gay, but let's not kid ourselves, that's the most likely here. I'm glad the country isn't that harsh about homosexuality though, and it's a good thing that the people who found out are looking out for his safety and well-being.

OP, I think the most important thing here is to talk to the kid about how he should be careful and that it's dangerous for him to not be cautious about his online activities right now. He needs to grow up before he can make bigger decisions about this, and it will do wonders for him if he's got allies. You did wonderful by coming here and asking questions, my sister did the same for me when I was 15 and it helped me a great deal.

Good luck to you all!
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby shapiferoar » 5 December 2019, 14:57

GearFetTwink thank you for the useful information, we really do tend to forget how smart kids are sometimes. What you said meant a lot to us thank you, with all the kind and helpful replies it is getting easier to accept who he actually is. :hug:
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Re: I need help and advice for a potentially gay friend.

Unread postby shapiferoar » 5 December 2019, 15:00

Thank you Eryx for your wisdom. What you mentioned was very reassuring, we are happy that we have a chance to help him while he is still at this vulnerable age. :D
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