I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allowed)

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I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allowed)

Unread postby Confusedpotato » 8 June 2020, 15:24

Like the title said, I will not out him so names will be changed. I'm a female and I have been dating my bf for years now. Things were rocky at times but lately we've been doing great. Last night though when I went to use his phone I found this site up and his account logged in. I've honestly suspected him being bi but reading his posts he sounds as though he's fully gay. He's also been posting he's single and been meeting up with guys while we were dating.

I'm at a lost right now honesty. When I found gay porn I brought it up to him and let him know I'm bi myself and that regardless of his sexuality I'll still love him. I even was about to bring up an open relationship if he'd like to explore that side of him but he's fully against the idea. I was even surprised to find him posting that he may be trans, just because I've brought up that I think I'm a trans man and he laughed at the idea and said it was probably a phase.

I'm just hurt and confused right now and I apologize if this isnt allowed on this site, you may take it down if it violates rules. I just want advice on if I should bring It up to him and how or what to do. I've been in a similar situation before where I've dated men that have came out as bisexual. My bf is a lot less talkative about himself than past relationships though. Thank you
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby Choicespecs » 8 June 2020, 17:48

Ahh that sounds rough, sorry to hear this. It must be tough to wrap your head around.

But yeah, this is something you should definetly bring up. He will probably know who you are from the information you posted who you are.

Best of luck in this conversation.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby Frigid » 8 June 2020, 18:06

You’re fine to put it on here and naming him wouldn’t be breaking the rules either.

Talk to him about it.
poolerboy0077 wrote:Aren’t you a vegetarian? I hear your people’s farts are quite lethal. It doesn’t matter much if a volcano’s lip is clean when there lava pit is ready to burst at any unexpected moment.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby René » 8 June 2020, 18:42

Haaang on... Your boyfriend doesn't have the initials C.M.S., does he? With a username that abbreviates to UL or UCL? Living in the Baltimore, MD area?
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby Confusedpotato » 8 June 2020, 18:57

René wrote:Haaang on... Your boyfriend doesn't have the initials C.M.S., does he? With a username that abbreviates to UL or UCL? Living in the Baltimore, MD area?


I guess I gave more info than I thought, but yes. Do you personally know him?
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby René » 8 June 2020, 19:15

Confusedpotato wrote:
René wrote:Haaang on... Your boyfriend doesn't have the initials C.M.S., does he? With a username that abbreviates to UL or UCL? Living in the Baltimore, MD area?

I guess I gave more info than I thought, but yes. Do you personally know him?

Oh wow, this is so fascinating. I was gonna ask that question the moment I saw the thread title... the details you gave in the post just reinforced my feeling that it might be him.

I have a bit of a history with Mike. It's kind of a complicated story, and I've never actually met him in person, though I have been in contact with him quite a bit over the past year until March, and he's indirectly the reason I'm in Maryland right now. :lol:

You could infer most of the details from posts/threads he and I made around February/March this year, but give me a minute and I'll summarise.

(I don't suppose there's any harm in it given that you already know he's not straight and have his profile details and can read all the posts he's made here publicly anyway, and you clearly care about him too no matter what... :3)
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby Confusedpotato » 8 June 2020, 19:20

René wrote:
Confusedpotato wrote:
René wrote:Haaang on... Your boyfriend doesn't have the initials C.M.S., does he? With a username that abbreviates to UL or UCL? Living in the Baltimore, MD area?

I guess I gave more info than I thought, but yes. Do you personally know him?

Oh wow, this is so fascinating. I was gonna ask that question the moment I saw the thread title... the details you gave in the post just reinforced my feeling that it might be him.

I have a bit of a history with Mike. It's kind of a complicated story, and I've never actually met him in person, though I have been in contact with him quite a bit over the past year until March, and he's indirectly the reason I'm in Maryland right now. :lol:

You could infer most of the details from posts/threads he and I made around February/March this year, but give me a minute and I'll summarise.

(I don't suppose there's any harm in it given that you already know he's not straight and have his profile details and can read all the posts he's made here publicly anyway, and you clearly care about him too no matter what... :3)



Yes if like to know thank you. Is there a way I can pm you? I have email to if I can't. And of course I love him and told him I'd always be there for him, nothing will change that ^^
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby René » 8 June 2020, 19:32

Confusedpotato wrote:Yes if like to know thank you. Is there a way I can pm you? I have email to if I can't. And of course I love him and told him I'd always be there for him, nothing will change that ^^

New members normally can't (to prevent PM spam), but I happen to be an administrator here so I've enabled your PM privileges.

It's up to you if you'd prefer to discuss this by PM or email rather than out here in the open. Let me know and I'll PM you if you like. Most of what I can tell you I've already hinted to or outright said publicly though.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby Confusedpotato » 8 June 2020, 20:00

René wrote:
Confusedpotato wrote:Yes if like to know thank you. Is there a way I can pm you? I have email to if I can't. And of course I love him and told him I'd always be there for him, nothing will change that ^^

New members normally can't (to prevent PM spam), but I happen to be an administrator here so I've enabled your PM privileges.

It's up to you if you'd prefer to discuss this by PM or email rather than out here in the open. Let me know and I'll PM you if you like. Most of what I can tell you I've already hinted to or outright said publicly though.



I sent a pm, thank you btw ^^
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby Ander1969 » 18 June 2020, 03:15

Wow. How interesting!!!
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby josheTR » 23 June 2020, 12:52

You seriously outed a guy when that could have been anyone messaging? Dude not cool
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby Frigid » 23 June 2020, 13:03

josheTR wrote:You seriously outed a guy when that could have been anyone messaging? Dude not cool

Are you fucking serious?
poolerboy0077 wrote:Aren’t you a vegetarian? I hear your people’s farts are quite lethal. It doesn’t matter much if a volcano’s lip is clean when there lava pit is ready to burst at any unexpected moment.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby josheTR » 23 June 2020, 13:04

Frigid wrote:
josheTR wrote:You seriously outed a guy when that could have been anyone messaging? Dude not cool

Are you fucking serious?

Yes actually? I could pretend to be anyone’s boyfriend online to get information on someone and that guy came running in more than excited to spill the beans
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby ThatNomad » 23 June 2020, 15:47

Might I say that you don't know all of the circumstances behind why they made the choice to out him? Also, it was pretty clear from the OP that the person already knew, and it really didn't matter at that point. Even if they were lying about him being their boyfriend, they still clearly knew exactly who it was, and what he'd been up to on the forums. No real new information was given to them, at least in this post.

Also, personal responsibility comes into play. This is a publicly accessible website. Any information we share here does not have a reasonable expectation of privacy, and if we need that, then perhaps we need to be finding a far more secure avenue to share our information than a forum anyone can join, and maybe also not be leaving ourselves logged into things we don't want others to have ready access to? No? Oh, and there's also the possibility that the OP is telling the truth, in which case his behavior alone, i.e. cheating, would, in most people's eyes, warrant consequences, such as being discovered, or outed.

I'm playing devils advocate here, so please understand that I'm neither condoning, nor judging what was done. I'm just trying to give some perspective.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby josheTR » 23 June 2020, 15:49

The advice should have been a bit of solidarity from this website, and explain if that’s how the OP feels they need to talk to him - not for people to jump at the chance to expose him like it’s some fun game?
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby ThatNomad » 23 June 2020, 15:51

Again, I don't know what the circumstances are behind why the person made the choice, so I cannot answer to that hypothesis. I myself probably would have done as you suggest, or even just reached out privately, but I can't say that for sure without knowing all the details.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby josheTR » 23 June 2020, 15:54

I don’t think there are really other details to consider here, I personally think it’s pretty disgusting to jump at the chance to talk about someone’s presence on here as if it’s their business? Is there no duty of care to the people here considering there’s actually a rule against contacting people’s external relations? smfh
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby ThatNomad » 23 June 2020, 16:10

Points to Consider:

1: Public website where said person made posts detailing personal details. Said details are already easy to find.
2: The person's external relations came here, no one had to reach out to contact them, and they were already aware of at least some of the details.
3: The person you are referring to having outed them said quite plainly they had a personal history with the person, meaning it is, in fact their business, as the person invited them into the personal life by creating said personal history.

And from a personal standpoint, I will offer this. If I was on here doing things my boyfriend would not be happy to have me doing, or doing things behind his back in general, and he went seeking information I would never expect anyone to cover up for me. I would consider myself as deserving of facing the consequences of my actions. Perhaps that is why I see this the way I do.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby René » 23 June 2020, 20:27

Nomad hit the nail on the head.

Josh, if you were any random person's boyfriend and posted here about them, I wouldn't be able to help you because I don't know every single person on the planet.

This guy outed himself, either on purpose or by accident, by allowing his girlfriend to find him logged in on this gay site where he'd been posting. If he hadn't allowed that to happen, she wouldn't have known to come here. Obviously.

She had already read his posts, made here in broad daylight, in which he made it very clear that he is attracted to men in ways he's never been attracted to women.

As Nomad said, you don't know the background. It was NEVER "some fun game". I care very deeply for the person in question and have gone to frankly incredible lengths to be there for him and help him out in the past and would do so again in a heartbeat if needed. I didn't out him to his girlfriend. I only provided a bit of context for things she had already learned herself (either intentionally on the part of her boyfriend - who, in his posts on this forum, actually made it clear that he hoped to eventually have the courage to come out, and might have deliberately left the forum open and logged in on his phone as a way to finally do so - or due to his carelessness) so that she could understand him better and be there for him.

Someone reading your posts might come away with the impression that I tracked down a member's girlfriend, figured out her contact details, and approached her to bring her the startling news that her boyfriend is gay. That impression would clearly be entirely false.

Incidentally, Josh, you may want to (re)read the title of this thread for some irony.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby acpro » 23 June 2020, 21:39

Josh there might be details that we are not all aware of which would collaborate who she is.
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