I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allowed)

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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby René » 23 June 2020, 21:55

acpro wrote:Josh there might be details that we are not all aware of which would collaborate who she is.

Indeed, the girl's story fit 100% with what I already knew (I actually knew she existed beforehand but had of course never tried to contact her in any way); there was nothing at all indicating this was someone else trying to get info on him. Otherwise I would not have volunteered any details about my friend.

Although again, all the key stuff about his life as a gay man is publicly accessible on this site anyway because he posted it here and is only being linked to his real-life identity by his girlfriend because he left the site open and logged in on his phone and then let his girlfriend use it.

Actually, thinking about it more, I really have to wonder if he didn't do this on purpose so that the secret could finally be out and he could stop leading his girlfriend on, which he must have felt quite bad about...
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby acpro » 23 June 2020, 22:14

and if he posted photos of himself, which I'm guessing he did, since his girlfriend was so sure it was him, were bound to give anyone the opportunity to recognize him IRL if they went to this site.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby René » 23 June 2020, 22:20

acpro wrote:and if he posted photos of himself, which I'm guessing he did, since his girlfriend was so sure it was him, were bound to give anyone the opportunity to recognize him IRL if they went to this site.

He did post a photo of himself. Plus, he mentioned his name and location (together in the same post, in fact) when he introduced himself, along with plenty further identifying information.
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby josheTR » 24 June 2020, 06:56

I really think it’s missing the point here.

There will obviously be no sense to the discussion here so will have to agree to disagree, but if the OP believed she had enough evidence of this, they should have just approached the boyfriend in question and let him do the rest, It’s cruel for you to jump on her and give all these details that she didn’t know about (your “history”) in attempt to brag it out to the poor girl. These are the things that the boyfriend could have explained himself or left out for some face. I think it’s completely wrong of you to try and play god with someone’s life like this.

Morals aside, excusing the cheating or whatever, if someone posted on a forum after information about you, regardless of the context, would you not rather talk it out yourselves then some random guy come forward with it all? Fact still stands is you gave out all that unnecessary history about you both without first ascertaining if this person was legit, and I really suggest you be a bit more careful, compassionate and less excitable to brag about your escapades in future. I’ve only just noticed upon your profile that you’re supposed to be the Administrator of this site? Why are you not setting an example here? Am I in danger of being outed with you in charge of my information?
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Re: I will not out him, but I found my bf on here. (delete if not allo

Unread postby René » 26 June 2020, 01:45

All I can say is... you have no idea what the (pretty complicated) circumstances behind this situation were and no idea what I PMed the OP, and your guesses are incorrect.

In regard to saving face, one of the things you don't know is that in my PM, I left out quite a bit of stuff that could have unnecessarily made the guy look bad. Because I care about him. Even though she could have gone through more of his posts and read about it herself if she hadn't already... which I hope she hasn't, because there's a lot of stuff there that he posted publicly that neither she nor he would at all benefit from her knowing, which could only make her feel worse, and which therefore I did not bring to her attention.

Escapades? Did you think I had sex with the guy or something??? I never even met him or claimed to have!

I am one of two administrators here. I am not "in charge" of your information. You alone are in charge of what you talk about on this forum. If that information risks outing you, that is a risk I would hope you would have considered before posting said information. If you did not, you can always still go back and redact it. We only operate a platform. I don't know anything about you that you haven't publicly posted for everyone to see.

If you leave this site open and logged in on your phone and then give that phone to your girlfriend, you will certainly be at risk of being outed as the OP's boyfriend was, but it will not be my fault just for operating the platform you perhaps inadvertently used to out yourself.

I could go into a lot more detail about why your perception of this situation is mistaken, but that would actually involve sharing private details of the guy's life that he never posted about on the forum, and I'm not willing to do that, so I would kindly ask that you just drop it at this point, and I'm glad to see that that appears to be your intention.
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