Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Talk about anything and everything.

Are there ever times where it is polite to actively hide your sexuality?

Yes
9
64%
No
5
36%
 
Total votes : 14

Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby PopTart » 10 July 2019, 22:57

rogonandi wrote:Well I do know for some people, rainbow trinkets might end up being the only way they can advertise that they're gay and also to show other people that they're not abjectly alone in the world.

Thats perfectly fine, inspite of my own personaly feelings about them, which really are born of the time and reasons I wore them way back when, which accounts for the way I see them now. For different people they mean different things, as symbols are want to do.

But as with any symbol that carries with it a general, universal meaning, there are times and places for things. Where they are more appropriate and where at times, it is considerate to be discrete.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Derek » 10 July 2019, 23:00

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with mxguy. Unless you're a complete idiot, a pride band isn't the thing that's going to introduce you to the concept that some guys are interested in other guys. We all know that. You can't go out in public and just assume that everyone you see is straight, for whatever psychological comfort that brings you. And wearing a pride band isn't being "indiscrete" about your sexuality - that would be if you're leering, ogling, or hooting, which I doubt any of us here would do in a locker room full of old men.

You can argue that hiding any sign you're gay is a civil thing to do in the interest of not causing anyone discomfort. So is not reacting to such a sign - the difference being that one of those concerns an irrational fear, and the other is just a boring fact of life.
Last edited by Derek on 11 July 2019, 03:09, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby rogonandi » 10 July 2019, 23:06

PopTart wrote:
rogonandi wrote:Well I do know for some people, rainbow trinkets might end up being the only way they can advertise that they're gay and also to show other people that they're not abjectly alone in the world.

Thats perfectly fine, inspite of my own personaly feelings about them, which really are born of the time and reasons I wore them way back when, which accounts for the way I see them now. For different people they mean different things, as symbols are want to do.

But as with any symbol that carries with it a general, universal meaning, there are times and places for things. Where they are more appropriate and where at times, it is considerate to be discrete.


When do you think I should hide mine?
People love to follow fools; they don't feel so alone then.

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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 11 July 2019, 02:01

I think there are situations where bringing up your sexuality isn’t a great idea. Kevin Spacey taught us that.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Iamjava » 11 July 2019, 03:15

Brenden wrote:
mxguy01 wrote:It's quite simple. He was wearing a wrist band with his apple watch. His favorite band just happens to be pride colors. BFD. Pretty simple. Pretty innocent. But yet, society has conditioned him to be concerned that he is acting somehow inapproprate. < there you have the who and what.

You're leaving out the full context: in a locker room with men in states of undress.

Being naked around people who might sexualise you can make you feel very self-conscious. It is absolutely considerate and appropriate to be discreet about sexuality in such situations.


Your sexuality still should not matter--let alone having a rainbow wristband. Most people would neither comment on the band nor take the opportunity to hit on another person in a locker room. Again, you can still be yourself; however, in many situations it may not be wise to outright flaunt your sexuality, but that is separate from this topic.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Victor_Laszlo » 11 July 2019, 03:39

I agree with pooler.

It all depends on the situation.

I would never say to hide your sexuality. ( even though im closeted) But alot of people just dont care. And the ones who do arent worth your freindship

In my situation my mom was an assistant pastor for a few year's at the local church. I'd never talk about my sexuality to her or the people of her church. ( she's recently retired).

But if i was in love I'd have no problem bringing him with me. Regardless of what my family thought.

Some gays love the rainbow flag and live by it no matter what. And others feel they are just as normal as straight folks. I tend to stick with the latter of this group. My sexuality shouldn't effect anything but i know it does sadly.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 11 July 2019, 05:52

Shawn Mendes: I want everyone here to know that I’m...I’m gay. I’m coming out of the closet once and for all.

[camera slowly zooms in]

Shawn: No one should have to live in shame of who they are. Today marks the day that I no longer allow societal oppression into pressuring me to hide my truth. Love wins, and today I choose to love myself first. This is who I am. And I am proud.

[camera pulls back]

Cashier: Sir, this is a Wendy’s...




By the way, can we talk about the double standard elephant in the room here? A lot of these heterosexual old men walk around naked in gym locker rooms across America without a care in the world. What about our comfort level? Just because we share the same sex characteristics doesn’t mean I want to see your Gollum-esque body sauntering about as you leave a trail of Vasoline and Bengay in your wake.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Stephen68 » 13 July 2019, 12:23

I don't tell everyone about my sexuality especially when looking for jobs I don't see what it has to do with my ability
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 19 July 2019, 03:02

Brenden wrote:
mxguy01 wrote:It's quite simple. He was wearing a wrist band with his apple watch. His favorite band just happens to be pride colors. BFD. Pretty simple. Pretty innocent. But yet, society has conditioned him to be concerned that he is acting somehow inapproprate. < there you have the who and what.

You're leaving out the full context: in a locker room with men in states of undress.

Being naked around people who might sexualise you can make you feel very self-conscious. It is absolutely considerate and appropriate to be discreet about sexuality in such situations.


A couple points. You may consider the locker where people sexualize others but honestly I find that completely opposite. I can't imagine an situation where I would feel the least about it. Smelly, sweaty, toxic masculinity abounds - yeah that gets me going - not!

We are talking about an watch band. Yes, one with Pride coloring but really, it is just a watch band. An simple Apple watch band. Unless your staring at the guy pretty good you really shouldn't even notice that. We are not talking about someone acting in the least bit inappropriate.

But it's OK that we bend our wrist and prance into the locker room? Or are we now saying we should change all our behavior and hide? Well in my case I'm an expert at that wouldn't you say.

Oh, for motocross and since there are no locker rooms at the track we all change in the open. Generally sitting right in the back of our pickup beds. We don't have to remove underwear so our personal sections are never exposed. For a while I was actually opening both car doors and using that a my locker room until I realized I was being the odd one in doing so. There's people's kids, male and female. Not one of their parents thinks a thing about it. So if I simply identify myself as gay (yea it's not all of me but it is a part of me that I felt I had to conceal in the past) I now become offensive in doing the same thing everyone else does?

Not very long ago a few gays showed up at the one mx track I go to. First time I seen that. The one dude's bike had pride colors blatantly on the graphics on his bike. Should he rip off his graphics in order to continue to change into his mx gear at the track?

Sexualizing someone and making them feel uncomfortable will always be inappropriate no matter what the situation. Wearing a watch band that has pride coloring does not equate to doing that in the least bit. Anyone thinking that - it's their hangup not anyone else's.

Are there cases where discreteness is called for. Sure I guess if your in the habit of being indiscreet at times. But how is simply wearing a watch band that happens to have pride colors being indiscreet?

One thing I come to realize is that I can't live with myself that way one more second. I've done it for too much and too long. I refuse to be ashamed of who I am.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 19 July 2019, 04:02

Well I guess I might as well deal with the shit while I'm at it.

I find this to be rather (not) amusing:

Capture.JPG


And I'm the one called "mean spirited". I'll just consider that a sad joke that sometimes happens in life.

As far as the time frames when PopTart says he didn't ghost me (which I considered fair anyone has that option open to them if they feel it necessary)

- Feb 27th, 2019 PT disappears as that is his last post for some time. After/while the shit with PB was going downs. I had sent a couple PMs that sat in my outbox until the next point.

-May 18th you re-appear with a couple brief posts. You also read the PMs that were in my outbox for quite some time. You didn't respond.

- June 19th PT starts posting more regular again . This is the timeframe I guess that I had sat back long enough not hearing a reply to my PMs and just assumed from what transpired we had a little agreement of sorts to just pretend nothing happened and nothing between us. Not hostile, just co-existence. Yes, I felt that way and still feel that is was valid.

- June 26th was your post about the house, difficulties and your admittance to the hospital. We continued to ignore each other peacefully. That was a two way street at that point don't you think.

- July 10th. You quoted me. It was OK.

- Dates don't matter by the point that you next quoted me. It was either personal attack and bitter (which I thought most likely, and later PT indicated that's exactly what it was in a PM) or it was that you were going to pick up were we left off like the above did not transpire? I didn't know which but neither were acceptable to me.

So my PM. PopTart labeled it me telling him to "shut up". PopTart posted
Uh huh, okay Marty ;)
and I replied in a PM with
Nice reply. You want to comment, then comment. Otherwise keep the shit comments to yourself.
which honestly I think was a fair response at the time. Better expressed, I should have rather said
personal attacks, unprovoked are not cool
.
So there is my telling you to "shut up"? Whatever!

Then again, personal attacks seem to not only be OK on this forum but actually encouraged by the one moderators/co-owner/whatever. But hey, we each choose how to lead our lives and ultimately we are responsible for our own actions and our own words.

Sorry for the rest of the people on this forum to have to read this shit. PopTart you left me no choice but to correct with facts in order to defend myself.

Looking back, honestly the ghosting really hurt. I had told myself, just life, NBD, that given what transpired he (you) had the right to ghost me. Your choice. I wasn't criticizing you for that. But we are not going to pretend that is not what transpired. At least I won't.

I wanted to tell myself that it doesn't matter. Fact is it does. It hurt me pretty bad. I'm entitled to have my feelings and well that's what they were.

Those words in the pic - right on target BTW. How much I worry that is exactly how I get perceived - my hangup I guess. Nicely played - prey on the weakness. Again I was trying to BS myself. I told myself the friendship ended long back and because of that it didn't hurt. Takes me a while but I end up being honest with myself. Yeah, it dug deep into me.

PopTart, in an PM you said

I'm sorry if anything I said was hurtful, its how I fight back, i go for the things I think will hurt the most. Its low, dirty fighting, but it's all ive ever known.

No if about it. Again congrats on hitting the target. In a past lifetime I helped design things that hit targets to eliminate the enemy. You have really good aim and an effective payload. Actually I use the same tact at times. In fact I believe I noted on this forum how I did it not very long ago to one of my neighbors. It was a great many years I think since any prior occurrence of me getting that low. I only do that when I've asked someone to not engage with me but for some reason persist. Then I make it ugly. So I get it. I get were we are at. I accept that. I had accepted that a while back. Time for you Poptart to accept it too.

Congrats. To both of you. Hopefully in some way it makes you two feel better about yourselves.

Honestly after that post I told myself to logout and never come back to this forum. I'm still sitting on that fence unsure where it will go. The good news is every time I distance myself from this forum it's better for me. I tend to develop an dependency on it. Well that seems to be self correcting as I pretty much think this forum is pretty toxic.

Well time to sign off for the night and ponder life. I guess life wouldn't feel so good if it also didn't feel so bad. I hope to find more good than I find bad; I hope to give more good than I do bad.

Specifically for Brenden: Find a different target for whatever garbage you are dealing with in live and leave me out of it. Clearly you have issues with me as a divorced father - to that I could say some nasty things in return. I'll just stick with
move on and leave me out of it
which would be best.
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Last edited by mxguy01 on 19 July 2019, 04:15, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Iamjava » 19 July 2019, 04:11

Stop taking internet people so seriously. Who cares? They're often people you'll never meet, anyways.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Derek » 19 July 2019, 04:18

I support Marty's complaint. It's like that time the cashier at Target said "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" so I slapped her and screamed that she was a rude bitch. That Target was a toxic environment and so is this forum.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Eryx » 19 July 2019, 04:53

I'm glad that Derek was so simplistic because I really couldn't bother to read the whole argument. Can we all be friends now?
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Iamjava » 19 July 2019, 05:30

As long as we have a beer. I have plenty.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Derek » 19 July 2019, 05:50

Eryx wrote:I'm glad that Derek was so simplistic because I really couldn't bother to read the whole argument. Can we all be friends now?

I can honestly say I'm more fond of everyone in this thread than I was before it.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby rogonandi » 19 July 2019, 06:13

I was thinking about this just now...are the people who think there are times to hide their sexuality attractive? Do they hide it in order to keep homosexuals they'd never give the time of day to away? I mean, these sexy men can just say they're straight in order to rebuff advances...but if they've got a rainbow trinket on them, the attractive guys will have to tell the uglies the truth: they're gay, but they're not interested in cohorting with someone beneath them. ;)
Last edited by rogonandi on 19 July 2019, 06:18, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Iamjava » 19 July 2019, 06:14

Derek wrote:
Eryx wrote:I'm glad that Derek was so simplistic because I really couldn't bother to read the whole argument. Can we all be friends now?

I can honestly say I'm more fond of everyone in this thread than I was before it.


I needed your fondness!!!
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby Ammon » 19 July 2019, 08:29

I don’t know if it’s true or was a worldwide trend, but a bisexual girl once told me, that they shaved a bit of the side of their head which gave them confirmation that it means they are into girls.

Nobody should hide anything, because straight people don’t hide it either, but I’m not gonna introduce myself with “hi, I’m gay”
If they ask I’ll answer, if they don’t like the answer, well, shouldn’t have asked..
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 19 July 2019, 16:21

Derek wrote:I support Marty's complaint. It's like that time the cashier at Target said "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" so I slapped her and screamed that she was a rude bitch. That Target was a toxic environment and so is this forum.

Boomers are the new Millennials.
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Re: Is it sometimes more appropriate to hide your sexuality?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 19 July 2019, 17:00

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Derek wrote:I support Marty's complaint. It's like that time the cashier at Target said "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" so I slapped her and screamed that she was a rude bitch. That Target was a toxic environment and so is this forum.

Boomers are the new Millennials.


I'm cool with that. Actually I think the younger generation appreciates life more than boomers do. Boomers take way to much for granted and don't value the important things in life but rather have false hopes that money will solve all their problems. I once believe that too I guess.
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