Late night thoughts

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 26 November 2020, 03:28

I'm pretty stable compared to other schizophrenics. I feel like I'm just lazy, scattered brained, and hear things and see things. I'm trap in my mind... maybe it's a sign I'm getting better... my meds... idk. I can't help to feel like a fraud and mooching off of people I feel likeI don't help much at all. I feel like a burden to people.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby René » 26 November 2020, 03:36

erti wrote:I can't help to feel like a fraud and mooching off of people I feel likeI don't help much at all. I feel like a burden to people.

erti wrote:me and my friends spouse are mostly the one cleaning. I work my ass off to clean and my friends cousin doesn't do shit around the house.
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 26 November 2020, 03:39

René wrote:
erti wrote:I can't help to feel like a fraud and mooching off of people I feel likeI don't help much at all. I feel like a burden to people.

erti wrote:me and my friends spouse are mostly the one cleaning. I work my ass off to clean and my friends cousin doesn't do shit around the house.


I feel like I should help more with other stuff. like get a job to get more income and help more with other stuff too.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 28 November 2020, 01:53

Days are going by too fast... reaching closer and closer to the inevitable... death. Maybe I'll live forever until every human is dead. Every animal, every plants and I'll end up in a white room waiting until life begins again. My memories before then may linger as a kid but becoming an adult again I'll never remember the white room until it happens again.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 1 December 2020, 03:45

I'm looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 6 December 2020, 20:52

I'm not schizophrenic. What I hear and see are very real. I'm intuitive. I see ghost, demons, and even gods and goddesses. Shadows are around me to alert me if im danger so do the voices. People will call me crazy but I don't care. I'm living life the best I can.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby Marmaduke » 6 December 2020, 21:09

erti wrote:I'm not schizophrenic. What I hear and see are very real. I'm intuitive. I see ghost, demons, and even gods and goddesses. Shadows are around me to alert me if im danger so do the voices. People will call me crazy but I don't care. I'm living life the best I can.

We’re skirting the realms of needing to tell you to shut up now. You’re not intuitive. You’re mentally unwell.
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 6 December 2020, 21:19

Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:I'm not schizophrenic. What I hear and see are very real. I'm intuitive. I see ghost, demons, and even gods and goddesses. Shadows are around me to alert me if im danger so do the voices. People will call me crazy but I don't care. I'm living life the best I can.

We’re skirting the realms of needing to tell you to shut up now. You’re not intuitive. You’re mentally unwell.


Mentally unwell or not I see patterns with these things. I see the grim reaper my aunt passed away, papa died, and my roommate's cousin OD'd on my pills.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby Marmaduke » 6 December 2020, 21:24

erti wrote:
Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:I'm not schizophrenic. What I hear and see are very real. I'm intuitive. I see ghost, demons, and even gods and goddesses. Shadows are around me to alert me if im danger so do the voices. People will call me crazy but I don't care. I'm living life the best I can.

We’re skirting the realms of needing to tell you to shut up now. You’re not intuitive. You’re mentally unwell.


Mentally unwell or not I see patterns with these things. I see the grim reaper my aunt passed away, papa died, and my roommate's cousin OD'd on my pills.

You see the grim reaper every other day, if it’s not the grim reaper it’s demons, and surround yourself with people who you’ve never described as being particularly health conscious. These aren’t correlations. It’s just hallucinations superimposed onto inevitability. They aren’t real, and intellectually you know they aren’t real. Your illness is making that difficult for you to accept and is drawing links of rationality where they don’t exist.
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 6 December 2020, 21:34

Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:
Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:I'm not schizophrenic. What I hear and see are very real. I'm intuitive. I see ghost, demons, and even gods and goddesses. Shadows are around me to alert me if im danger so do the voices. People will call me crazy but I don't care. I'm living life the best I can.

We’re skirting the realms of needing to tell you to shut up now. You’re not intuitive. You’re mentally unwell.


Mentally unwell or not I see patterns with these things. I see the grim reaper my aunt passed away, papa died, and my roommate's cousin OD'd on my pills.

You see the grim reaper every other day, if it’s not the grim reaper it’s demons, and surround yourself with people who you’ve never described as being particularly health conscious. These aren’t correlations. It’s just hallucinations superimposed onto inevitability. They aren’t real, and intellectually you know they aren’t real. Your illness is making that difficult for you to accept and is drawing links of rationality where they don’t exist.


It feels very real. Everything seems so real. Many anxiety attacks. Bright colors. I'm going to die but I don't. I've not died yet.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby Marmaduke » 6 December 2020, 21:36

erti wrote:
Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:
Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:I'm not schizophrenic. What I hear and see are very real. I'm intuitive. I see ghost, demons, and even gods and goddesses. Shadows are around me to alert me if im danger so do the voices. People will call me crazy but I don't care. I'm living life the best I can.

We’re skirting the realms of needing to tell you to shut up now. You’re not intuitive. You’re mentally unwell.


Mentally unwell or not I see patterns with these things. I see the grim reaper my aunt passed away, papa died, and my roommate's cousin OD'd on my pills.

You see the grim reaper every other day, if it’s not the grim reaper it’s demons, and surround yourself with people who you’ve never described as being particularly health conscious. These aren’t correlations. It’s just hallucinations superimposed onto inevitability. They aren’t real, and intellectually you know they aren’t real. Your illness is making that difficult for you to accept and is drawing links of rationality where they don’t exist.


It feels very real. Everything seems so real. Many anxiety attacks. Bright colors. I'm going to die but I don't. I've not died yet.

That’s called schizophrenia. You’re schizophrenic. By all means keep this thread if you’re finding talking out loud to yourself helpful, but this forum is very much decided that the grim reaper isn’t real and you’re gonna need to keep posts asserting he is off of the agenda. We’re not here to enable your hallucinations.
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 6 December 2020, 21:44

Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:
Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:
Marmaduke wrote:
erti wrote:I'm not schizophrenic. What I hear and see are very real. I'm intuitive. I see ghost, demons, and even gods and goddesses. Shadows are around me to alert me if im danger so do the voices. People will call me crazy but I don't care. I'm living life the best I can.

We’re skirting the realms of needing to tell you to shut up now. You’re not intuitive. You’re mentally unwell.


Mentally unwell or not I see patterns with these things. I see the grim reaper my aunt passed away, papa died, and my roommate's cousin OD'd on my pills.

You see the grim reaper every other day, if it’s not the grim reaper it’s demons, and surround yourself with people who you’ve never described as being particularly health conscious. These aren’t correlations. It’s just hallucinations superimposed onto inevitability. They aren’t real, and intellectually you know they aren’t real. Your illness is making that difficult for you to accept and is drawing links of rationality where they don’t exist.


It feels very real. Everything seems so real. Many anxiety attacks. Bright colors. I'm going to die but I don't. I've not died yet.


That’s called schizophrenia. You’re schizophrenic. By all means keep this thread if you’re finding talking out loud to yourself helpful, but this forum is very much decided that the grim reaper isn’t real, you’re gonna need to keep posts asserting he is off of the agenda. We’re not here to enable your hallucinations.


I feel I need to warn people sometimes and sometimes I feel like I have to run myself.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby Marmaduke » 6 December 2020, 21:50

You don’t need to warn us. Please rest assured that we have taken all due precautions. Let’s keep assertions that he, demons and any related gods - irrespective of their gender - are real and posing an imminent danger to an absolute minimum. Let’s have treating them as fictional within the context of the forum being a stepping stone.
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 6 December 2020, 22:51

Marmaduke wrote:You don’t need to warn us. Please rest assured that we have taken all due precautions. Let’s keep assertions that he, demons and any related gods - irrespective of their gender - are real and posing an imminent danger to an absolute minimum. Let’s have treating them as fictional within the context of the forum being a stepping stone.


Weather or not they're real... I feel like I'm in a horror virtual reality that I can't take off the helmet off or turn off the system... only way here is to turn off myself and I don't want to turn myself off.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 7 December 2020, 21:06

erti wrote:I feel likeI don't help much at all. I feel like a burden to people.


I can relate quite a bit to this. Feels kind of ... no merit to anyone.

You could listen to Marmaduke esquire. He doesn't bullshit you the way demons and all those geeks will.

Send the Grim Reaper impersonator over to me. Just like thought realm door wise. Down the drain and then the first rabbit road to the left. Or however that may work. Uhm, he should knock trice and then wait, because I could shoot him through the door, if he would use the wrong knocking sign. Always wanted to meet that dude. And check out their bones and scythes, all the cool stuff.
I'd bet he'll run off screaming just like all the other people do, if they see me all the sudden.

It's always good to wear a helmet, if you're an an airsoft virtual reality. Some people use fake BB's.
I'm likely silly being silly about it, but I'd like to know what it is that makes it so hard to keep apart reality from all them hallucinatory floodings, People with schizophrenia are said to be highly intelligent often. It should seem possible to eventually win the damn game your mind is playing on you.

Don't shut off yourself. It's boring to idle around. Very boring.

Plus : Don't shut yourself out.
Even worse.
If ya want to hang with me, let's go windsurfing!

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 7 December 2020, 22:04

GearFetTwinkRomance wrote:
erti wrote:I feel likeI don't help much at all. I feel like a burden to people.


I can relate quite a bit to this. Feels kind of ... no merit to anyone.

You could listen to Marmaduke esquire. He doesn't bullshit you the way demons and all those geeks will.

Send the Grim Reaper impersonator over to me. Just like thought realm door wise. Down the drain and then the first rabbit road to the left. Or however that may work. Uhm, he should knock trice and then wait, because I could shoot him through the door, if he would use the wrong knocking sign. Always wanted to meet that dude. And check out their bones and scythes, all the cool stuff.
I'd bet he'll run off screaming just like all the other people do, if they see me all the sudden.

It's always good to wear a helmet, if you're an an airsoft virtual reality. Some people use fake BB's.
I'm likely silly being silly about it, but I'd like to know what it is that makes it so hard to keep apart reality from all them hallucinatory floodings, People with schizophrenia are said to be highly intelligent often. It should seem possible to eventually win the damn game your mind is playing on you.

Don't shut off yourself. It's boring to idle around. Very boring.

Plus : Don't shut yourself out.
Even worse.


I also hear that schizophrenics tend to be more creative along side of intelligent but I feel like my intelligences had gone down and creativity diminishes into oblivion as this stuff became more apparent. my mind plays tricks on me.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 8 December 2020, 01:07

Thinking about getting CBD products where my friends gets his THC and weed products. Comes from a dispensary out in California.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby René » 8 December 2020, 01:09

erti wrote:Thinking about getting CBD products where my friends gets his THC and weed products. Comes from a dispensary out in California.

Just make sure it's not ridiculously overpriced. :D
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 8 December 2020, 01:17

René wrote:
erti wrote:Thinking about getting CBD products where my friends gets his THC and weed products. Comes from a dispensary out in California.

Just make sure it's not ridiculously overpriced. :D


Well she gives us a good price for thc stuff like edibles, bud, vape, shatter/wax. lately I've been taking a hit or two some of my friends stuff. Lol I'm not smoking it all the time. Reason I hit it a couple times this past week is because my anxiety. I took light hits and it takes a little bit to get me high. I try not to over do it like I did with the edibles. I've not had edies for a few months. Haven't spent money on weed because I don't hit it all the time. I'll have to ask her about the prices for CBD.
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 8 December 2020, 02:11

I need to eat more. I've probably have only ate about 850 -1000 calories today... trying to eat better though but I haven't. I've had 3 slice of frozen pizza and can or two of coke. I've been bad.
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