Late night thoughts

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PostThis post was deleted by erti on 8 December 2020, 03:31.

Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 8 December 2020, 03:38

I want to feel good... Anxiety sucks... roommates are getting drunk and high... I’m doing neither tonight. Feeling too paranoid to smoke and drink. I throw up the alcohol anyways because I’m a light weight and don’t like alcohol anyways... I wish I can feel as good as I did from my last manic episode.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 9 December 2020, 01:29

I wish I can find pleasure in thing I once like to do.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 9 December 2020, 01:53

If you can get the chance and get a helicopter ride, I just can recommend this! Takes up Feelgood-o-meters to maximum limits and makes for lasting memories on which you can pull up yourself-
As far as getting high goes, helicopters don't always go very high. The sight seeing effect is much better if they fly fairly low.

Another thing to get high on would be music. Don't need no other drug outside of the doctor's prescription.
Well ... thats not all the true. A good cup of tea once in a while keeps the engines running. :D

Did you have any hobbies you could possibly reactivate? Things that take your mind off the trouble stuff, I mean. You always can find something new, like growing Orchids or Roses, get a parrot and teach it spanish curse words, collect neat things like police helmets or maybe deer skulls and owl pellets. I had a great collection of owl pellets and feathers, when I was a kid. That way I learned a lot about the diet habits of owls around our area.

Books are always a good way to distract one, too. I mean, reading them. It takes your mind for a trip,. may it be fantastic or actual telling, you hardly notice the days go by.
Some books are boring, you just wanna read those that kind of draw ye right in.

Not certain to what people do in the US around that time of the year. My Cousins would go skidooing and hunting quite a bit, or meet out at their shooting range - boy do I miss that.
Of course, Corona will restrict a lot of this for now. I hope the vaccines are available, soon. As in britain where they started to vaccinate already.
If ya want to hang with me, let's go windsurfing!

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 9 December 2020, 02:15

GearFetTwinkRomance wrote:If you can get the chance and get a helicopter ride, I just can recommend this! Takes up Feelgood-o-meters to maximum limits and makes for lasting memories on which you can pull up yourself-
As far as getting high goes, helicopters don't always go very high. The sight seeing effect is much better if they fly fairly low.

Another thing to get high on would be music. Don't need no other drug outside of the doctor's prescription.
Well ... thats not all the true. A good cup of tea once in a while keeps the engines running. :D

Did you have any hobbies you could possibly reactivate? Things that take your mind off the trouble stuff, I mean. You always can find something new, like growing Orchids or Roses, get a parrot and teach it spanish curse words, collect neat things like police helmets or maybe deer skulls and owl pellets. I had a great collection of owl pellets and feathers, when I was a kid. That way I learned a lot about the diet habits of owls around our area-

Books are always a good way to distract one, too. I mean, reading them. It takes your mind in a trip,. may it be fantastic or actual telling, you hardly notice the days go by.
Some books are boring, you just wanna read those that kind of draw ye right in.

Not certain to what people do in the US around that time of the year. My Cousins would go skidooing and hunting quite a bit, or meet out at their shooting range - boy do I miss that.
Of course, Corona will restrict a lot of this for now. I hope the vaccines are available, soon. As in britain where they startet to vaccinate already


The helicopter ride sounds cool but my fear of heights may prevent me from it... even if it is an alternative to skydiving and such.

I've tried drawing more but I find myself not feeling it. At times can't keep concentrating because my voices and visions don't leave me alone sometimes. When reading a book and I see a figure and voices saying "hey stupid... you're wasting your life and you're gonna die soon."

as for music... I love music but I'm always listening to it because I use it to drown out the voices. It's getting a little old. Open to new music suggestions though.

there's not much to do during winter maybe go to the zoo for christmas light show but like you said Covid.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 10 December 2020, 01:25

I'm in the mixed of fearing death and fearing of continuing living but I gotta continue living... Live for the good moments and learn from the bad.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 10 December 2020, 20:57

Hopefully my roommates don't do something stupid in order to not get them kids back. They aren't the best of people to use common sense and lately I haven't either but I'm not risking it not coming home.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 13 December 2020, 02:02

My maternal clock ticking... I want a reborn babydoll to substitute my maternal needs. https://www.reborndollsshop.com/product ... -doll-girl ... I want her :)
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 15 December 2020, 23:19

Bummer... my mom slept all day while I’m here visiting her... I try waking her up and she said she had no reason to get up... oof... the freaks come out at night i guess useless she sleeps through out the night.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Late night thoughts

Unread postby erti » 15 December 2020, 23:28

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“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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