Lord of the Manor

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Lord of the Manor

Unread postby Koftruecross » 9 February 2019, 00:36

About thirty some years ago I met Michael in a gay bar in West Virginia. Michael smoked cigars, drank bourbon and he loved to go deer hunting.
We hit it off and I went back to his place. I was completely surprised when I saw Michael's home was a huge 19th century Coal Baron's mansion. However the house was in a dire state of disrepair. It looked like something from a horror film. And that made me a bit uneasy. I thought: Here I have only just met this person and I am going into his house that looks like Norman Bates or the Addams Family lives there.
It turned out it was okay. Michaels'only vice was alcohol; not murder. He had a Lord of the Manor fantasy. He purchased the house for not much money. And he had one single solitary servant named Petey.
The house set high on a hill above the company town down in the hollow. The mine had long since closed. A Hillbilly named Gilbert owned the tiny cabins that were once the miners homes. He renamed the town BOOGER HOLE. He had A dog he named Shit Tail.
Koftruecross
 
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Re: Lord of the Manor

Unread postby Koftruecross » 10 February 2019, 01:56

The mansion may have looked like it was haunted but it was not. I lived there with Michael and Petey for seven years. We never saw any ghosts. There were NO dreadful mutated miners with hideously zombified bodies stumbling out of the mine shaft whilst hungrily yearning to eat poor Gilbert's brains out of his skull.
A little more than a hundred years ago there was a horrific coal miners strike there. Miners were killed. Scabs were killed. And one of the strike breakers was decapitated...His head was left in a box on the porch of the mansion.. There was lots of blood and gore back then.
But the Coal Baron (His name was Casper Robbins) closed the mine, sold the mansion and moved away circa 1917. The strike was too much. The surving miners left and with the exception of a few hardy souls the place was abandoned. And then over the course the twentieth century the big house gradually began to deteriorate. It changed owners many times. Many of the people that lived there struggled mightily to keep it liveable. However a huge and ancient house like that is like a money pit. There is no way to keep up with it.
So Michael, Petey and I had to deal with plaster falling from the ceiling, sizzling and flickering electric lights. An ancient fuse box with glass fuses that popped like popcorn. We had to remember not to turn the microwave on at the same time the toaster was in use or it would blow a fuse. The bathrooms had rust stains on the plumbing fixtures. But Michael loved living there in spite of the critters scurrying inside the walls. . It was a great place for he and his gay red neck pals to come and party. It was isolated and there were plenty of bedrooms for over night guests. Especially the ones that had tipped too much Ever Clear.
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Re: Lord of the Manor

Unread postby Koftruecross » 10 February 2019, 20:35

Our neighbor Gilbert that lived down in the company town deep down below the Coal Baron's mansion was a true hillbilly. He collected some 2×4 boards, plywood and Celotex and haphazardly connected six of the tiny cabins together to make house large enough for he and his wife and seven kids.
He would say things like,"Boy howdy! It's hotter'n two rabbits screwing in a wool sock!"
Another time I heard him say, "My wife is so fat, I woke up in the morning and I went to pull the bed sheets up around my chin before I realized. Them was no bed sheets I had a hold of. Them was her UNDERPANTS!"
I remember another time I had to use the restroom at the hardware store..(Public restrooms in Appalachia are notoriously filthy) . There were no stalls in this restroom. There was just one toilet sitting out in the open in the room. There was Gilbert just finishing his business. There was shit splattered all over the wall behind the toilet. It was so bad Gilbert took his knife and cut his underpants off and dropped them on the floor beside the toilet and proceeded to pull his drawers up. I said, "Damn Gilbert! You're the only man I know that could shit through a screen door and never touch a wire!"
Gilbert won first prize at The Appalachian Hillbilly Poetry Festival with his poem:
I had a little monkey
I took him to the store.
He pissed on the counter.
He shit on the floor.
He wiped his ass on a slice of ham.
Then he looked that store keeper in the eye
and said.
"Frankly my dear I don't give a damn!"
Gilbert reveled in his crudeness.. The worst thing he did was to rename the company town BOOGER HOLE. He put a sign up that read
WELCOME TO BOOGER HOLE. (Casper the Coal Baron had originally named it Robbins Crossing).. Gilbert's new name for the company town stuck and from then on everyone called it BOOGER HOLE. People would see us in town and say, "They live in BOOGER HOLE."
Michael hated it when they said that.
Koftruecross
 
Posts: 100
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