Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

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Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby randy1234 » 5 November 2020, 06:09

I'm 63 and I would love to meet a partner to share my life with as I am very lonely. Does anyone know how to meet people safely in this damn Covid situation? We have to be careful but we can't stop our lives either!
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 November 2020, 06:42

I’m afraid the world consensus is returning rapidly to the position that you can, and should, be stopping your social life as much as possible right now.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby randy1234 » 5 November 2020, 12:32

Then what's the use of living. Besides not everyone has Covid!
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby Marmaduke » 5 November 2020, 12:36

Well that’s a judgement for you, Randy. If spending a few months without a boyfriend makes suicide seem like the only way out, maybe buy a load of pills? Or just reassess your priorities right now.

And no, you’re right. Not everybody has covid. That’s why you’re being asked to stay home.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby Brenden » 5 November 2020, 13:00

randy1234 wrote:Besides not everyone has Covid!

Yeah… so, let's try and keep it that way. ;)
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby René » 5 November 2020, 16:41

If you and any prospective candidates both self-isolate for 14 days before meeting, it could be okay. But obviously you'd need to really trust someone already, which seems unlikely. Unless you're both okay wearing masks (ideally N95-level protection) and not touching at first... otherwise, based on your post, dating kind of becomes even more dangerous than unprotected sex with a stranger at this point. :P Potentially lethal.

All in all, you're better off waiting until there's a proven safe and effective vaccine available. It sucks, but that's just the way it is right now. It won't always be like this. You've got time. Don't risk the rest of your life out of impatience.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby Jasper1 » 5 November 2020, 16:57

Marmaduke wrote:Well that’s a judgement for you, Randy. If spending a few months without a boyfriend makes suicide seem like the only way out, maybe buy a load of pills? Or just reassess your priorities right now.

And no, you’re right. Not everybody has covid. That’s why you’re being asked to stay home.


:D :D
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 6 November 2020, 01:56

I'm having real problems with loneliness in this era, as well. Even before this nightmare hit, I pretty socially isolated--and it wasn't just no relationship, it was also no real friends, which was a long running problem.

There are those assholes who cheerfully chirp: "Your social life doesn't have to be over! You don't have to be socially isolated when you social distance! You can socialize virtually!!!!!" Yeah, but what about those of us were socially isolated to start with?

Apart from very casual in person contacts (e.g., briefly chatting with a cashier I know at the grocery store as my order is rung up), my only connection with other people is by web forums and Facebook groups. Better than nothing, I suppose, but a lot of the connection is tenuous, at best. If I disappeared, no one would really notice, or likely care.

The only thing in my favor: I am strongly introverted, so I can function better than extreme extroverts (some of whom were bouncing off the walls well before the end of the first week of stay at home orders). But, even so, it's hard...and it's going to get harder, as we go into another holiday season. It's bad enough being alone most years, but at least I often get some event to go to. That realistically won't happen this year. And I'm facing yet another birthday alone. Those are depressing--but this year might be even worse, since it feels like a milestone year (50th birthday).
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby René » 6 November 2020, 02:02

John27 wrote:Apart from very casual in person contacts (e.g., briefly chatting with a cashier I know at the grocery store as my order is rung up), my only connection with other people is by web forums and Facebook groups. Better than nothing, I suppose, but a lot of the connection is tenuous, at best. If I disappeared, no one would really notice, or likely care.

I would notice. I would care. :hug:
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 6 November 2020, 02:21

René wrote:
John27 wrote:Apart from very casual in person contacts (e.g., briefly chatting with a cashier I know at the grocery store as my order is rung up), my only connection with other people is by web forums and Facebook groups. Better than nothing, I suppose, but a lot of the connection is tenuous, at best. If I disappeared, no one would really notice, or likely care.

I would notice. I would care. :hug:


Thanks...although I think you are probably a minority of one! :cry:
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 6 November 2020, 02:33

René wrote:dating kind of becomes even more dangerous than unprotected sex with a stranger at this point. :P Potentially lethal.


Maybe, maybe not. People do recover from COVID. But, of course, there is no way of knowing yet what the long term effects might be.

And HIV from unprotected sex is not trivial. Although admittedly HIV is treatable, and it's better understood than COVID. And also this disclaimer applies to me: this is coming from someone who remembers the AIDS crisis of the 80s--and was scared to death by it.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 6 November 2020, 03:55

John27 wrote:There are those assholes who cheerfully chirp: "Your social life doesn't have to be over! You don't have to be socially isolated when you social distance! You can socialize virtually!!!!!"


I might also add this. I've noted those same people also cheerfully chirp about sex lives can continue via webcam. An option for some people. But cruelly oblivious to the fact that there are people like me who don't have someone to do this with, and have zero chance of acquiring that someone to do this with.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby Brenden » 6 November 2020, 12:44

John27 wrote:
René wrote:dating kind of becomes even more dangerous than unprotected sex with a stranger at this point. :P Potentially lethal.

Maybe, maybe not. People do recover from COVID. But, of course, there is no way of knowing yet what the long term effects might be.

Yeah, they do, but at OP's age the hospital admission rate is 39% of cases and the death rate is a non-trivial 6%.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 6 November 2020, 13:15

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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 6 November 2020, 15:28

Brenden wrote:
John27 wrote:
René wrote:dating kind of becomes even more dangerous than unprotected sex with a stranger at this point. :P Potentially lethal.

Maybe, maybe not. People do recover from COVID. But, of course, there is no way of knowing yet what the long term effects might be.

Yeah, they do, but at OP's age the hospital admission rate is 39% of cases and the death rate is a non-trivial 6%.


I don't want to make light of COVID-19...but as I said, people recover. Assuming the 6% rate for the sake of argument, that means 94% presumably survived.

That said, COVID-19 should be treated seriously.

Meanwhile, I have a problem with the unprotected sex comparison above--although, as I admitted, part of that may just be my generation. I was a teenager during the AIDS crisis before you were born, Brenden, and it was not pretty.

I, personally, am risk adverse...so I can't see doing hookups at all--and certainly not without reliable protection--and I can't imagine dating during this pandemic.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby René » 6 November 2020, 15:38

John27 wrote:
Brenden wrote:
John27 wrote:
René wrote:dating kind of becomes even more dangerous than unprotected sex with a stranger at this point. :P Potentially lethal.

Maybe, maybe not. People do recover from COVID. But, of course, there is no way of knowing yet what the long term effects might be.

Yeah, they do, but at OP's age the hospital admission rate is 39% of cases and the death rate is a non-trivial 6%.


I don't want to make light of COVID-19...but as I said, people recover. Assuming the 6% rate for the sake of argument, that means 94% presumably survived.

That said, COVID-19 should be treated seriously.

Meanwhile, I have a problem with the unprotected sex comparison above--although, as I admitted, part of that may just be my generation. I was a teenager during the AIDS crisis before you were born, Brenden, and it was not pretty.

I, personally, am risk adverse...so I can't see doing hookups at all--and certainly not without reliable protection--and I can't imagine dating during this pandemic.

I said "potentially lethal". As in, it could kill you. And that goes at any age.

Note also that having witnessed the AIDS epidemic back then would give you a distorted image in the context of modern medical advances. It's obviously a terrible disease, but there are very effective treatments for managing the condition nowadays. The same cannot be said about Covid-19 at this point in time.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 6 November 2020, 16:02

René wrote:Note also that having witnessed the AIDS epidemic back then would give you a distorted image in the context of modern medical advances. It's obviously a terrible disease, but there are very effective treatments for managing the condition nowadays. The same cannot be said about Covid-19 at this point in time.


And I fully admit that the AIDS crisis left me with issues. Intellectually, part of me recognizes that HIV is better understood now, and there are options for treatment. But there is still part of me that is that scared 13 year old gay boy (although I didn't know/accept I was gay then). I'm not alone in this. Although, perhaps I'm an extreme case.

I've never done anything sexual with anyone. (I know this brands me as a loser, probably, but so what? That's probably what everyone thinks, anyway.) There are a number of reasons--but it's undeniable that fear of HIV/AIDS was a major factor. And that fear, even now, pretty much rules out any chance of hooksups/casual sex. (And casual sex is probably my only hope of getting laid this lifetime. Who'd date me? No one in his right mind!)
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby Jasper1 » 6 November 2020, 23:34

John27

Loneliness during Covid times is a real problem for people of all ages for many different reasons. There is light at the end of the tunnel and we will get back to normal soon I’m sure.

If you have family close by then form a bubble so you can have the human contact. We are social beings mostly and touching, hugging, and being around people is important for your mental health.

If not, then there are groups you can join online to bond with people. It’s a bit more difficult especially if as you say your ordinarily an introvert so you’ll need to want to change this dynamic.

Lastly. If the above is not an option then try to focus on the things you like doing, maybe walking, site-seeing, exercise etc (there’s lots of stuff on u-tube). The point here is to find a routine so you can focus your mind and fill the day.

Life will get back to normal for sure so try to use this time as a way to discover things you have an interest in which prior to Covid you never had time to do. It could even be enrolling yourself in an online educational training course. Take the opportunity to learn and grow.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 7 November 2020, 07:45

Thanks, Jasper1!

I wish I could have optimism that things will get back to normal soon...but I can imagine this stretching out years.

And even after this is over, there is the question of recovering economically. I have no reason to believe anything will be done to help people like me. And I could see stuff I rely on, like bus service, getting huge cuts--which will make it even harder to get to events where I might see people.

As for family, I have none in the area.

I contemplate the on-line groups--a lot of stuff is by Zoom, I've noted. But what happens when things go back to normal? One assumes Zoom meetings will end. Would be easier in the end just to stay isolated? Or am I better off joining those groups, even though it will likely mean getting used to doing something, albeit virtually, with others. And then losing that with no replacement? And also is there any reason to believe I'll connect any better than I have over 20 years of discussion forums? (Yikes! It''s been 20 years of doing forums? And I was not an early discussion forum joiner!) Very likely, it will be like discussion forums: I'm tolerated, but not particularly missed when gone. And certainly never part of any "inner circle."

At least, I'm an introvert...so if I never have any friends, or anything like a social life, I probably can survive...even if it's a lonely survival at times.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 7 November 2020, 08:16

I've mentioned my pessimism about ever having a boyfriend. But setting those issues aside, one thing I was wondering about earlier is if a boyfriend would be an option on a sexual level if/when this pandemic is over. I'll be over 50--possibly well over 50 if this stretches out for years and years. Will anything sexual still be an option? Or will I be faced with issues that make sex impossible? For that matter, given that my mother died young, i have to wonder if I'll still be alive. There is enough ugly family history on one side to make me wonder about all this.
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