Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 8 November 2020, 15:15

John27 wrote:I'm having real problems with loneliness in this era, as well. Even before this nightmare hit, I pretty socially isolated--and it wasn't just no relationship, it was also no real friends, which was a long running problem.

There are those assholes who cheerfully chirp: "Your social life doesn't have to be over! You don't have to be socially isolated when you social distance! You can socialize virtually!!!!!" Yeah, but what about those of us were socially isolated to start with?

Apart from very casual in person contacts (e.g., briefly chatting with a cashier I know at the grocery store as my order is rung up), my only connection with other people is by web forums and Facebook groups. Better than nothing, I suppose, but a lot of the connection is tenuous, at best. If I disappeared, no one would really notice, or likely care.

The only thing in my favor: I am strongly introverted, so I can function better than extreme extroverts (some of whom were bouncing off the walls well before the end of the first week of stay at home orders). But, even so, it's hard...and it's going to get harder, as we go into another holiday season. It's bad enough being alone most years, but at least I often get some event to go to. That realistically won't happen this year. And I'm facing yet another birthday alone. Those are depressing--but this year might be even worse, since it feels like a milestone year (50th birthday).


Reads a lot like my life, pretty well. Although I could manage and even maintain sort of a heterosexuals comrade beach and surfer gang, that I had met every season during spring to fall time, and this dating back about 20 years now. I've got no close people or similar bunk partner, squad mate type of friends and I never managed to get queer friends. Introverted, probably, aye. They call it Aspergers, but still for this it's plain weird, more alike 'socially useless' what I am. Not of any merit to other people.
It was kind of hard to discover that truth.
I always wanted to have a friend, even some day a patrol mate of sorts. Wing man. I don't want to call it loving long term relationship ideas no more, since it seems so ridiculous if I picture myself in it.
Aspergers seems to help a lot by not going that emotional on it, though. I have been quite depressive as a kid all the time, and I never managed to find friends back then, I guess I just did everything wrong anyone ever could do wrong. :lol:
These days I just have a different perspective toward all of it. Trying to be glad the potential "friend" found someone else and can live with useful people, surround themselves with the good ones.

So CoViD came along and not much really changed for me. I have less contacts, not because they are careful and take in consideration the skills of protecting others, stay at home as good as they can and cover their face.
The beach folks have been sucked up into the mobile phone bubble before. They don't seem to remember, there was that one weird guy (me) who does not occur in the "Smartphone realm", and they seem to feel good in their now seclusive world of wipe and stare. So I left them to this, before CoViD came.

The few of the other people that regularly talk to me twice a month, and some I know from various internet forums and who wanted to visit, like the former SEK veterans and the sled dog guy, I told them to stay away and keep safe, while the virus spreads. You know, we've got irresponsible people enough already. I guess they are at your place also, I dunno, but they seem to be all over the planet now, in so called 'Western societies' especially, CoViD-deniers they call those here.

Just saying. This bit of life spent in isolation, it won't kill you. Better wait some time till we've got a working vaccine going. They talk about spring or early summer, maybe. Even if they take more months a time, it's worth being patient. Science people work together in amazing connection these days.

Okay, for love related matters, that doesn't send much comfort. My way would be the learning, that love is there for those that deserve. I'm not one of these, the chosen one dude happens to be a heterosexual, so, in fact, I would need to be a woman. Yikes! Boobs, tentacles! No way! :lol:

Happy 50 for ye!
:applause:
If ya want to hang with me, let's go windsurfing!

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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 8 November 2020, 17:58

Thanks!

Well, it may only be a few more months with the COVID situation...but I'm sort of pessimistically thinking isolation will continue on. I might be able to get out more, and have more interactions with people. Whatever is wrong with me that makes it impossible to connect with others will probably remain wrong for the duration. :cry:

I've really been in a depressed state the last few days over all this. It's one thing to intellectually realize: It is what it is. I'll be socially isolated for the rest of my life. I'll never have a boyfriend.I'll never get laid even once! But it's hard emotionally.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 10 November 2020, 00:30

John27 wrote:Thanks!

Well, it may only be a few more months with the COVID situation...but I'm sort of pessimistically thinking isolation will continue on. I might be able to get out more, and have more interactions with people. Whatever is wrong with me that makes it impossible to connect with others will probably remain wrong for the duration. :cry:


Not necessarily if you get sorted out the basic reasons, and the CoViD will not be dominating like 4ever.
One thing is, that most people will be turned of by depressive vibes. Learn to supress them or treat them by meds/therapy. Sports worked for me, for example.

John27 wrote:I've really been in a depressed state the last few days over all this. It's one thing to intellectually realize: It is what it is. I'll be socially isolated for the rest of my life. I'll never have a boyfriend.I'll never get laid even once! But it's hard emotionally.


If you would leave that part to me, please. I'm rather adapted to do this, like in SWAT-team style of adaption, and I'm getting really good at it. ;)

So you wait over them months and go on a man hunt, man! :nod:
If ya want to hang with me, let's go windsurfing!

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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 13 November 2020, 22:18

Oh, I've been in therapy with depression as a major issue for years now. Not non-stop--there have been a couple of gaps due to therapist changes (two months the longest gap since mid-2016). Also a major topic: ending social isolation/loneliness. And that was discouraging...because there are no answers what might be wrong with me. And I hear contradictory thoughts--one moment, I hear possible autism (although that came through a one time meeting for screening), but then I've had two therapists who've questioned that. And then there was the time that I outlined to one therapist all I'd been doing to try to meet people, and he had to admit I'd tried doing the right things.

I know it sounds really negative...but I guess I feel the situation is hopeless.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby erti » 13 November 2020, 22:31

John27 wrote:Oh, I've been in therapy with depression as a major issue for years now. Not non-stop--there have been a couple of gaps due to therapist changes (two months the longest gap since mid-2016). Also a major topic: ending social isolation/loneliness. And that was discouraging...because there are no answers what might be wrong with me. And I hear contradictory thoughts--one moment, I hear possible autism (although that came through a one time meeting for screening), but then I've had two therapists who've questioned that. And then there was the time that I outlined to one therapist all I'd been doing to try to meet people, and he had to admit I'd tried doing the right things.

I know it sounds really negative...but I guess I feel the situation is hopeless.


I’ve been in and out of hospitals for probably 25 times in 11 years... I deal with schizophrenia and possibly bipolar and maybe a personality disorder which they aren’t for sure and ptsd. Covid stuff can trigger mental illness and when I last at the hospital a middle aged lady who had never dealt with mental illness and had said messed with her head. So it’s every bit possible for covid to do it. With Ohio is possibly being shut down for covid getting bad i wouldn’t be surprised is suicide increases.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 14 November 2020, 00:15

I know I've heard discussions about collateral damage from pandemic lockdowns/restrictions. Depression and suicide have been mentioned. Plus severe economic hardship--some of which some people may never recover from.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby René » 14 November 2020, 03:27

John27 wrote:I know I've heard discussions about collateral damage from pandemic lockdowns/restrictions. Depression and suicide have been mentioned. Plus severe economic hardship--some of which some people may never recover from.

Covid-19 survivors also appear to specifically be at higher risk of subsequently being diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder, as Jess alluded to (see the paper attached), among many long-term problems seen in survivors of the disease.

PIIS2215036620304624.pdf

Also, feeling really lucky to live in the UK. Altogether, the UK government has given Brenden and me about £5250 ($7000) in support so far and is due to give us another £5600 ($7400) over the coming 4 months I believe, for a total of £11000 ($14500) over the course of a year of the pandemic. Without either of us even being citizens, just permanent residents.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 14 November 2020, 09:33

René wrote:Covid-19 survivors also appear to specifically be at higher risk of subsequently being diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder, as Jess alluded to (see the paper attached), among many long-term problems seen in survivors of the disease.


Interesting. I'm probably too dumb to understand a paper like this...but I may give it a shot. :lol:

One point of clarity, just in case it's needed: my comment earlier about collateral damage wasn't thinking of the impact of COVID-19 itself. (I am not and will not be surprised that there could be potential long term issues for people who've had the virus, though.) My comment earlier was thinking of the impact of shutdowns on people. Those shutdowns have taken a toll on many--including impacts on mental health. ( I'm lucky enough in that I'm introverted so I don't go crazy being alone. And I was, sadly, used to being socially isolated, given my total and complete inability to make friends. But even so, I'm feeling the impact of the last six months. People forced to restrict social circles will do stuff with friends, not me. And we're facing the first holiday seasons in years when I'll be totally alone, without any event whatsoever to give me a feeling of being connected, no matter how tenuously.)


Also, feeling really lucky to live in the UK. Altogether, the UK government has given Brenden and me about £5250 ($7000) in support so far and is due to give us another £5600 ($7400) over the coming 4 months I believe, for a total of £11000 ($14500) over the course of a year of the pandemic. Without either of us even being citizens, just permanent residents.


You really are lucky!

I actually started tuning out a lot of political commentary last spring--right about the time the commentators began talking about how shitty the economic response was, citing examples of what other countries were doing at the same time. And I don't expect things to be any better in 2021, not with a Republican controlled Senate and a president who basically will be Republican in all but name.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby PopTart » 14 November 2020, 11:16

René wrote:Also, feeling really lucky to live in the UK. Altogether, the UK government has given Brenden and me about £5250 ($7000) in support so far and is due to give us another £5600 ($7400) over the coming 4 months I believe, for a total of £11000 ($14500) over the course of a year of the pandemic. Without either of us even being citizens, just permanent residents.

But, they UK government are inept and borderline evil! It only cares about oppressing the masses, driving divisions and promoting inequality!

...

...

...

;)

People seem to forget such details as they seek to criticise the government at every turn.

Sorry, totally off topic but this is literally the first positive thing, I've seen said about the UK government, online in months.
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby René » 14 November 2020, 15:35

PopTart wrote:
René wrote:Also, feeling really lucky to live in the UK. Altogether, the UK government has given Brenden and me about £5250 ($7000) in support so far and is due to give us another £5600 ($7400) over the coming 4 months I believe, for a total of £11000 ($14500) over the course of a year of the pandemic. Without either of us even being citizens, just permanent residents.

But, they UK government are inept and borderline evil! It only cares about oppressing the masses, driving divisions and promoting inequality!

...

...

...

;)

People seem to forget such details as they seek to criticise the government at every turn.

Sorry, totally off topic but this is literally the first positive thing, I've seen said about the UK government, online in months.

Haha, it's a pretty sucky inept and corrupt government, but we should acknowledge that they haven't messed up absolutely everything. Compared to the one-off $1200 (£910) from the US government (which Brenden should also be getting at some point despite living in the UK, incidentally), the UK government's support for workers hit by the pandemic, including self-employed people like the two of us, is a total lifesaver for many people.

Here, have another :D:

UK to consider sanctions against China for breaching Hong Kong treaty

Broken clocks and all that :P
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby John27 » 14 November 2020, 21:38

And don't forget that you have health insurance coverage, no matter what. I'm sure there are problems...but it sure beats out our system that is so heavily tied to employers.

Supposedly, at some point, Hillary Clinton (or someone) was suggesting that they could open the ACA exchanges. Just what everyone who has just lost a job, and is wondering how to survive, wants to hear!
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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby René » 15 November 2020, 01:42

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Re: Meeting someone in the age of Covid.

Unread postby Marmaduke » 15 November 2020, 10:32


Yeah, I was quite pleased to read that yesterday. I think that puts us right at the forefront of the transition to sustainable transport.
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