Outgrowing the forums

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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby unknown » 26 February 2019, 21:13

Hey Sherri, happy birthday,

I can't believe it's been 6 years since I left GTF, and I only made this account to reply to your thread. You'll probably check and see what my email is, and I put a real one on it, so you'll know.

I don't know why I stalked these forums for the first time in 4 years today, but here I am, and here you are making me register to reply. I left a long time ago at a much younger age, and for very different reasons. I can't believe you're still here, and there's no negativity in that. Maybe the overall relevance of forums is fading, especially for the gay community. We've reached full acceptance for a 4% minority (liberal estimate) of the U.S. population. Perhaps you stay here and lurk, chiming in for the people who need advice. You've always been great with that, especially for younger members.

Any way, a blast from the past to remind you that your presence did a lot of good.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 26 February 2019, 22:05

Wait, who are you? Reveal yourself, lurker! :angry:
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Sherri » 27 February 2019, 18:37

Stardust wrote:Can I just ask why we need 'quality regular users' over other types of users?

This reeks of snobbiness and internet elitism to me.

Not that that's a thing, but everyone going on about 'oh this used to be such a nice community!' bugs the hell out of me.

This forum is for everyone, not just the people you approve of.

People here need to get over themselves.


There are plenty of people whom I don't personally approve of and there always have been. I'm not the kind of person to like individuals easily, but I know that about myself and I don't make it their problem. This isn't an issue of me looking down my nose at others to ridicule them. It's an issue of 99% of these people never contributing anything to our community other than to come here and make a throwaway post about something to do with their sex lives. These people don't care about us or our forum and they don't want to, so I don't want them here. There are far better places, several sub-reddits, where questions from drop-ins would be welcomed and answered by a lot more people than what we have. At first I wondered what compelled them to stay and post that kind of thing when clearly our content is not at all geared toward that, and upon coming back with fresh eyes, I can see that it looks like that's our normal content, because it makes up a good chunk of what's on the front page of our discussion forums. I don't want more of that. Objectively speaking, it does not and has not led to a greater community for those who stay.

Someone pointed out that some people are likely not coming back because being gay is still not acceptable where they are and they're being "caught" by using our website. We experienced plenty of that on the teen forum, parents finding out about the website being used by their sons and disallowing them from returning to it. It's unfortunate and it is something to be mindful of. I don't think it explains very much of what's happening here.

Thank you to everyone who said kind things of me in this thread. It's nice to be appreciated :). And thank you all for being here and contributing to our community in a meaningful way, even when (especially when) I wasn't.

I also have to agree with Eryx; the daily threads are where most of our community style content is but I just don't favor the format, so I rarely look at them. Again, could just be that I don't use the forums the right way to get the most out of what's there.

(PS - three days in a row at work = brutality X_X Sorry for disappearing on my own thread!)
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby GaySpacePirateKing » 28 February 2019, 00:41

Is it not a bit of a problem to be on a gay forum and making judgemental statements about people posting about there sex life's and about what kind of users you want to see more off and don't want to see, if you aren't even a gay male?

Also its not like there is a ton of gay forums out there, and personally I dislike reddit.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Derek » 28 February 2019, 01:03

She's repeated herself several times. It's fine that people talk about their sex lives. The problem is when that's all they do, making no preamble or effort to be anything but gross. We can be a social forum where people also talk about their sex lives, but acting as a one-stop shop for random sex questions from people who have no interest in the forum itself stifles meaningful interaction.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Sherri » 28 February 2019, 01:28

GaySpacePirateKing wrote:Is it not a bit of a problem to be on a gay forum and making judgemental statements about people posting about there sex life's and about what kind of users you want to see more off and don't want to see, if you aren't even a gay male?

Also its not like there is a ton of gay forums out there, and personally I dislike reddit.


There are a ton of different subreddits that are basically their own forums with varying cultures, and many better ways to format reddit/overhauls for its UI. And honestly, I don't really care if they like reddit or don't. I don't much care where they post these questions as long as it isn't here. I was simply pointing out that there are more appropriate venues.

As for the rest, I genuinely snorted. You won't make a lot of friends coming into a forum where you've been for 5 weeks and criticizing a day one member of 7 years because you aren't comprehending what I've already said and clarified.


On to the topic of solutions: We could perhaps have a rule about this, or a statement of some sort linking people to r/sex or r/gay or even r/relationships, some of the larger subreddits that would support postings of those sorts and have answers for people. I'm open to ideas about where else gay guys congregate online that would have the proper traffic to absorb these sorts of posts. And posts like these from randoms at GTF would've been quickly waste-landed, so I may consider starting to do that here.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby GaySpacePirateKing » 28 February 2019, 02:00

Sherri wrote:
GaySpacePirateKing wrote:Is it not a bit of a problem to be on a gay forum and making judgemental statements about people posting about there sex life's and about what kind of users you want to see more off and don't want to see, if you aren't even a gay male?

Also its not like there is a ton of gay forums out there, and personally I dislike reddit.


There are a ton of different subreddits that are basically their own forums with varying cultures, and many better ways to format reddit/overhauls for its UI. And honestly, I don't really care if they like reddit or don't. I don't much care where they post these questions as long as it isn't here. I was simply pointing out that there are more appropriate venues.

As for the rest, I genuinely snorted. You won't make a lot of friends coming into a forum where you've been for 5 weeks and criticizing a day one member of 7 years because you aren't comprehending what I've already said and clarified.

On to the topic of solutions: We could perhaps have a rule about this, or a statement of some sort linking people to r/sex or r/gay or even r/relationships, some of the larger subreddits that would support postings of those sorts and have answers for people. I'm open to ideas about where else gay guys congregate online that would have the proper traffic to absorb these sorts of posts. And posts like these from randoms at GTF would've been quickly waste-landed, so I may consider starting to do that here.


Still sounds like your being a judgemental as fuck control freak to me using terms like "these people", deciding that you don't want gay guys posting "these types of questions" here, and preferring genuine, regular, established users who don't post the type of sexual threads that you've decided are weird and gross.

Your not a gay male. Not that there is anything wrong with you being here, but there is literally a million other forums you could go to if you don't like it here and fewer for us, but you'll still tell gay guys who post stuff you don't want to see to fuck of to reddit.

Everything sexual could be viewed as weird and gross potentially. Its a thin line and I don't see why you get to make it.

Oh, and how dare I criticise a day one member. :nono: :monocle:
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Sherri » 28 February 2019, 02:24

There are a million other forums anyone could go to. I'm here because I like this community and I've been a part of it for nearly a decade. I've given countless amounts sexual and relationship advice to gay people.

For the millionth time, sexual content is not the main issue, though you're right in that it is the one that draws a line between one-off users of that variety and one-off users of other varieties. There are socially acceptable behaviors in any group. In most of society, sexual content is treated differently. It's not appropriate to walk up to a bunch of random strangers you've never met and ask if they know where their local gloryholes are because you just love guzzling cum and slobbing knobs. Most people find that sort of thing offputting. There is little to no argument over that here except from you. The discussion in this thread is how they react to it, whether they try to be helpful, or ignore it, whether their willingness to come back is affected by it or not.

Sex posts are the focus here because we have a lot of people coming in and asking niche questions that in some cases can't even be usefully answered (such as the case of the man looking for local gloryholes -- location wasn't even specific, dude just wanted to chat about gloryholes and sucking dick) that most people would find offputting. Someone wanting to chat could find a one-off post about relationship advice and see something of value in our community; they aren't likely to find the same draw or staying power from a post about random graphic sexual details. We don't need more users just here for sex. We have a ton of people who only use the photo/explicit sections and never post. We aren't retaining members or enticing new ones with cute selfies or dick pics. Communities where that's the focus are a dime a dozen. This community has been a special part of so many of our lives because it's a group of people we can be comfortable knowing and interacting with on a regular basis. It's a diverse group with many different countries and viewpoints represented and that's valuable to all of us. We are and always have been happy to talk with each other about sex and related topics but you are just about the only one who sees value in letting our community be flooded with random users who make one-off posts about their sexual quandaries and qualms.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Eryx » 28 February 2019, 02:35

Sherri wrote:On to the topic of solutions: We could perhaps have a rule about this, or a statement of some sort linking people to r/sex or r/gay or even r/relationships, some of the larger subreddits that would support postings of those sorts and have answers for people. I'm open to ideas about where else gay guys congregate online that would have the proper traffic to absorb these sorts of posts. And posts like these from randoms at GTF would've been quickly waste-landed, so I may consider starting to do that here.
Brenden suggested a disclaimer, when it's in effect we could link /r/askgaybros and other subreddits. I think that's a good idea to send those guys in the right direction.
GaySpacePirateKing wrote:Your not a gay male. Not that there is anything wrong with you being here [...]
There most definitely isn't. It was never the intention of anyone from this forum to make this exclusively gay male-oriented. Gay is an umbrella term and it serves lesbian women just as well. I'm sorry if you feel like this is a reprimand, but you don't get to say this place is gay male first and foremost. It never was and never will be.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby GaySpacePirateKing » 28 February 2019, 03:23

The threads about guzzling cum don't bother me. I mean I find them just as trival and childish as you, but they do not bother me to the point where I think eww gross must ban now. If people want to post threads like that so what. It would obviously be inapropriate to talk about those things with random strangers on the street, but in on an anonymous online forum filled with gay men I wouldn't have thought people would mind so much.

I don't see the value in flooding the forum with that kind of content, but I also don't see how your supposed to discourage it without policing what kind of sexual content is ok and what kind is too gross, and I mean sexual content which is 18+ and consensual. Not everyone is going to view it as disgusting either, I don't - maybe I want to talk about cum actually, and I can understand why some guys might get a bit of a kick out of discussing things like that. I don't think its right to say no you can't do that and that your gross for wanting to talk about guzzling cum.

Eryx wrote:Gay is an umbrella term and it serves lesbian women just as well.


I didn't know that and always assumed that gay meant only men who like men and lesbian meant only women who like women. Anyway I wasn't saying that women don't belong here. I am just uncomfortable with women gay or straight deciding for gay guys what goes and what doesn't.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Derek » 28 February 2019, 03:28

What thread are you reading? Where did Sherri say what's okay for gay men to talk about? Where did she say they should be banned? How is this discussion evoking this level of sanctimony from someone who doesn't even know anyone here?

I'm as gay as they next idiot but I'd take one Sherri over a thousand threads about anus dilation. This isn't about... what, pride in our sexuality? It's homophobic to suggest that you say hi before bringing up your hemorrhoids? To note the very apparent fact that it's sapping the energy out of the forum? Holy hell, get over yourself.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby trywait » 28 February 2019, 03:40

participating in the forums ebbs and flows...sometimes life happens and we have to take a step back. fortunately, it's nice when you can always return and pick up where you left off.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby GaySpacePirateKing » 28 February 2019, 03:41

Derek wrote:What thread are you reading? Where did Sherri say what's okay for gay men to talk about?


She literally said she doesn't want to see that shit here and telling people to take it to reddit.

It's homophobic to suggest that you say hi before bringing up your hemorrhoids?
I never said that.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Prince_G_24 » 28 February 2019, 03:41

Sooooo, back to the topic at hand:
Sherri wrote:On to the topic of solutions: We could perhaps have a rule about this, or a statement of some sort linking people to r/sex or r/gay or even r/relationships, some of the larger subreddits that would support postings of those sorts and have answers for people

I think this could be a viable solution. There's some that'll likely disregard the statement and post whatever fucked up question or kinky shit they have in mind, but I do think it has potential to filter out some of the one-time-wonder shit posters that pop up.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Derek » 28 February 2019, 04:08

GaySpacePirateKing wrote:She literally said she doesn't want to see that shit here and telling people to take it to reddit.

Right. Because she's talking about the forum, not gay men as a group. Despite your weird aversion to the notion, a community is defined by the people who actually make it up, and Sherri has every right to suggest that we could stand fewer threads about sex dreams where you're fucking your brother. That's not persecution or elitism; it's an opinion fit for anyone who isn't inured to the excesses of a prurient online culture where no one can be bothered to express a thought that doesn't center squarely around their own asshole.

It's homophobic to suggest that you say hi before bringing up your hemorrhoids?

I never said that.

Then what in God's name is your problem with that idea?
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 28 February 2019, 04:11

I think an embedded YouTube video would catch people’s attention more than a sign. If I remember correctly there was a sign back on GTF in the Intellectual Discussion subforum that everyone ignored.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby RJD » 28 February 2019, 05:46

poolerboy0077 wrote:I think an embedded YouTube video would catch people’s attention more than a sign. If I remember correctly there was a sign back on GTF in the Intellectual Discussion subforum that everyone ignored.


I think that's a good idea; a video on the registration page, if short, would likely get more attention.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby PopTart » 28 February 2019, 05:51

I'm certainly against the forum being gay Male only, I like that we have a few gay women too, okay, two :P

I'd be more than happy to have more women here and for them to discuss their sexual interests, alongside more meaningful discussions.

I'd also like to suggest perhaps making one or two sticky threads, for those oft asked sexual questions, How to be clean for bottoming, how to have sex for the first time etc. That could then be go to places for those with such questions, that we can link new comers and passersby, asking those questions to.

It would have limited utility, there are always those that ignore such threads and post new ones anyway, but it might cut down on the sheer number of threads like that, that pop up all the time.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Eryx » 28 February 2019, 10:33

GaySpacePirateKing wrote:I am just uncomfortable with women gay or straight deciding for gay guys what goes and what doesn't.
This isn't about lesbian women taking over and controlling gay men on what they can or can't do. It's about one person -- Sherri -- who is a moderator in this forum and a longtime member making suggestions and voicing her complaints about things that maybe should change in the way the forum runs. If she really wanted to, she could have already acted on her point of view and we wouldn't really have that much of a say in it, not because she's a lesbian woman, but because she takes direct care of this forum.

Anyway, I think it would also be a good idea to separate the Relationship, Sex and Sexuality section into two, one for sex and one for relationships. Then, if there already isn't one, we could use a mute function to keep those threads out of our New posts area so that people who don't want to see them can avoid them altogether. That way, the rest of the forum can flow even if some newcomers use the forum just for a quick question.
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Re: Outgrowing the forums

Unread postby Brenden » 28 February 2019, 10:50

We’ve now put up the disclaimer before registration, and I will be hiding Relationships, Sex and Sexuality from guests so that potential new members don’t get the impression of this place that that section gives.
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