short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

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short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Amigo » 11 August 2019, 21:49

Hola amigos! :keke:

I am new here and 23 y.o. To cut to the chaste, I have a veeeeeeery low self-esteem and a light form of social anxiety due to loads of things, including my flaws. I can't even fathom how it is possible for one person to have that many flaws xD.

My flaws are:
-height (166 cm)
-facial features (everything that's supposed to be small is big and vice versa, like nose, ears are big, and lips and penis are small)
-small penis
-as a bonus point skin problems aka acne, white heads (which are however getting better)

So I'm really unpleased with myself in general and that's affecting my dating life. In fact, I've never been in a relationship, nor have I ever had anything with men so far, aka pure virgin :3 :D . My looks were not the primary reason why I've never dated, but they've always played a role.

2months ago, I finally decided to begin dating and downloaded an app called planetromeo. Nobody knows I'm gay in my family/among friends, so I only uploaded body pics there and sent face pics only via PM. The problem is I'm photogenic and know very well from which side/angle etc. I look the best, so I always look at least 3 times better in pics than in real life (Bodywise I look pretty hot, facewise average in pics)...Anyway, I received loads of messages and compliments, which I had not expected. Most were looking for a one night stand, though, while I was/am only interested in a serious relationship...

I got to know some guys with great personalities and decent looks as well, who were also looking for a relationship like me. With 2 of them, things got even pretty serious. I was like videochatting and telephoning with them daily for many hours for a month. They were both attracted to me from what they saw in pics and on videos. There were other guys as well, but I liked these two more than others, coz I find middle eastern and medeterrenian guys the most attractive....

But every time someone asked me out, I declined using different excuses, while I was only being afraid of being rejected after they see me in real life, especially by those 2 guys, coz I like'em a lot. I mentioned to them a couple of times, that I usually look better in pics, one of them said my personality would compensate my flaws for him, the other one said he doesn't believe that I look too different in real life. But I could not tell either of them about one of my biggest insecurities, my penis :/ They are both tops, so I don't know how much they would care about the size of the penis, but still...I feel ashamed to talk about it.

Afterwards, I said to all the potential boyfriends that I'm not ready for a relationship and deleted the app. It's been 2 weeks and now I'm regretting....

Of course I can reinstall the app anytime, but I don't think anything will happen unless I accept myself for what I am with all my flaws, which I've been struggling with. How do other (too) flawed people accept themselves?

I'm trying to change myself to make it easy for myself to accept myself: bought a make up that's specifically made for men to cover the redness on my face, thanks to which I feel more comfortable now. And getting an ear job done next month. But there are loads of things I can't change/afford, including my penis, so I need to accept myself, but don't know how. I watch some motivational videos about being oneself and stuff and get motivated, but the motivation doesn't last that long, like I go out or go to the gym and see all the perfect guys and the motivation is gone as well as self-esteem.

And I'm getting older and older without kissing anybody or feeling loved because of my weird fears. How do I get rid of them?

Gracias for reading!
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Victor_Laszlo » 11 August 2019, 22:37

Hey welcome to GFO.

First just know everyone has flaws or thing's they don't like about themselves.
I think your being way to hard on yourself. And just overthinking things.
From what ive observed is most gay guy's don't care about penis size. Sometimes smaller is even better then bigger. So i dont think you should worry about that much.

Can you see a dermatologist or even a general practitioner for the acne?

To be honest in your description you dont seem to be nearly as flawed as you believe. And what the one guy said about personality is very true. A good personality can outweigh most physical "flaws".

I would say try and put yourself out there and your confidence should grow. If your sending current pictures there is no way you look that different. It's still you in the picture.

I would re install the app and maybe see if you can contact one of the guy's you were talking to. And just take things slow. If they like you your penis size will not change there mind.

I know im probably not saying anything that hasnt already been said or thought of. But i really dont think you have much to worry about. You may not look like a guy you would be attracted to.

But trust me when i say there will be guys attracted to your type. So dont be afraid to just put yourself out there a bit.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 11 August 2019, 23:23

I don't know what you're considering "small" where penis is concerned, especially if you are a virgin and have not seen another penis first-hand (i.e right in front of you, not on a screen) before. If you think porn actors are "normal" then let me tell you most men are tiny.

Anyway you're along the right lines reading further down your post.

The overwhelming majority of people did not hit the genetic lottery. Even some people who are considered attractive, many of them are just average normal people who have simply put of a lot of effort into their appearance, in order to become more attractive. Improving your looks is attainable, unless you're like unfortunately grossly deformed or something. Work out and eat well, lose the weight, practice good hygeine, put yourself together nice, good grooming and flattering clothes... maybe pay the doctor a quiet visit if you feel your face is still particularly clapped after doing all that. We won't tell anyone I swear *wink*

You'll look like the best you and people who like whatever "type" you represent will notice.

Yeah there are certain things that are out of your control. You might feel handicapped being short* but at the end of the day, focus on the shit you can actually fix and improve, don't have a defeatist attitude. You might as well be the sexiest short dude you can possibly be, it'll get you further than crying about it and doing nothing.

*That said, in my experience and I am short too, on a collective level gay men really aren't like women with that. There will be some who prefer tall men and will be turned off individually, but it's nowhere near as ubiquitous "No you're too short. Bye." like it is with the vast majority of women. Many gay men simply don't care about height, some actually prefer shorter men.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby jimbo_xix » 12 August 2019, 02:43

I'm a top and I could care less about penis size. You need to hook up with one of the two. Jesus Christ I see guys who look like Quasimodo with hot guys.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby rxxli » 12 August 2019, 16:43

First regarding your height... I am about 165cm tall and I never really considered that to be a problem. I actually kind of like guys that are shorter (though there aren’t many out there). And in my experience from talking to others... that never really became an issue. Though I really don’t have much experience at all with meeting guys in person.

As for penis size... really don’t worry. Most people don’t care. If you look at some credible studies you may even find that you are just average. And even if you are not... it doesn’t matter. A lot of guys have issues with penis size so you are not even alone in that.

Acne are quite common around that age. But at least this can usually be solved easily with a visit to your doctor. They will be able to say if it is actually an issue and prescribe some medication for that - if you actually need it.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 12 August 2019, 19:16

I deal with acne as well, try this

Get some antiseptic disinfectant, and dilute around 1 bottle cap full into around one litre of lukewarm water. Get a cotton wool bud and exfoliate your face with this. Do it every day or every other day. You will notice your skin clear up quite quickly.

I'm not sure how this works for sensitive skin, you might want to be careful if you're sensitive. Regardless of your skin type though, do not apply the disinfectant to your face raw, it will burn.

Follow up with some anti-aging moisturiser that will help to rejuvenate your skin. As rxxli was saying you can also use some medicine in combination with this. Actually that will yield best results, attack the problem both internally and topically.

Also why not turn this thread into a positive level-up thread? Anyone else have any good healthcare and/or grooming practices that help them look and feel better?
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Amigo » 13 August 2019, 15:50

Senk y'all for your responses. I'll respond to you all in one post

Regarding the acne and white heads: I've tried pretty much everything I could. Just type on youtube 'how to get rid of acne', I've watched all the videos that show up and tried every single thing that was recommended and spent a fortune that I could've and should've spent on something better like a nose job. Actually, I don't have that many breakouts anymore, the only problem is the white heads and redness caused by acne scars and stuff. There's a medicine that could surely rid me of my skin problem, but my doctor is refusing to prescribe it to me saying it has too many serious side effects. I can't persuade him coz everytime on the day I visit him, my skin looks a lot better than it usually is, and he be like 'oh look, your skin cleared up a lot' and doesn't believe me when I say it usually looks worse. But as I mentioned in my previous post, since I started wearing make up, I don't look red anymore and my skin is not my primary problem at the moment thanks to make up.

@rxxli as for height, I think it depends on where you're from. 166cm is considered to be short in my home country and very short in Germany, where I currently live....I am the shortest guy among men in my entire family (including cousins, uncles etc) and they keep reminding me of it *rolling eyes*... But at least women were as tall as me in my home country, while in Germany even women are taller than me. :D This was the first thing that caught my attention when I first came here, everyone is tall and big and huge...

And finally regarding penis: the average penis size in Germany is 14.8 cm. On the app I was using a lot of people set 'L' (16-19cm) as their penis size on their profile. Of course they could be lying, but still. Btw, I was only receiving messages from tops and most of them asked for a penis photo and what its size was, so I don't think they don't care at all.... However, I should say there were indeed some guys who said that they are only attracted to short guys with a small penis, but they wanted weird things like slave master thing and were only interested either in a one time hook up or friendship with benefits, while I want a relationship.

Anyway, enough venting for today :D
I've watched some youtube videos about a disabled man who has a very beautiful girlfriend yesterday. It gave me hope and I thought I should be thankful, coz he'd definitely wish he had what I have...so.I'll keep working on myself physically as well as on my self esteem, and hopefully I'll find someone, although the gay world seems to be very competitive

:)
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby René » 13 August 2019, 16:44

In my experience, the one thing that factors most into attractiveness, more than any one of the negative things you mentioned about yourself, is confidence. It may be hard to be confident when you perceive yourself as having so many flaws, but you have to realise that confidence makes you look more attractive, and the impact is massive.

It happens all the time that I'm attracted to a guy when I see him in a video or in person, while in a still image I start to see flaws. The difference is in demeanour.

So a lack of confidence resulting from perceived flaws is really self-defeating. It's also not something you're likely to solve with cosmetic surgery.

You may actually want to see a psychologist/psychotherapist to help you improve your body image :keke:

Amigo wrote:Regarding the acne and white heads: I've tried pretty much everything I could. Just type on youtube 'how to get rid of acne', I've watched all the videos that show up and tried every single thing that was recommended and spent a fortune that I could've and should've spent on something better like a nose job. Actually, I don't have that many breakouts anymore, the only problem is the white heads and redness caused by acne scars and stuff. There's a medicine that could surely rid me of my skin problem, but my doctor is refusing to prescribe it to me saying it has too many serious side effects. I can't persuade him

You are referring to isotretinoin. My dermatologist didn't need any persuading to prescribe it to me but did make me sign a legal waiver.
My acne was pretty serious (more serious than yours it sounds like) and after a year or two it cleared up completely (it can take a long time even after finishing the treatment), but honestly, I regret accepting it.
They really aren't kidding about the side effects, and some of them don't go away. It's been 5 years and I'm still 100% dependent on eye drops and lip balm, for example.

I really cannot recommend it. The acne was much less debilitating than waking up with painfully dry eyes and needing to re-apply eye drops (even very viscous ones) several times every night. I'm almost 31 now and it's not getting any better.

If you do eventually go for it, take a very very low dose over a longer time period (for example average 10 mg/day or 0.15 mg/kg/day). There is some research indicating that it's still highly effective and the side effects aren't so severe that way. But this may involve having to lie to your doctor because they may be unwilling to prescribe it at such a low dose. And I'm not sure I would risk even a very low dose if I could go back and change it.

Plus, the redness you complain about took years afterward to really go away. For all I know the acne might have cleared up on its own in that time.

Of course not everyone has this experience, but it is very common, and it can affect your brain as well (which can also be a long-term effect). It definitely affected my driving ability/safety.

I totally understand why your doctor refuses to prescribe it.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Eryx » 13 August 2019, 18:26

My sister used isotretinoin and she was happy with the results, but yeah, it's a really strong drug and I only talk about it with people as a last resort. One of my friends who went through it was never able to drink as much as he could before taking it, because it does a number on the liver.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby lightnight » 13 August 2019, 19:50

There's so much good advice in the replies above! I love this about this community.

I can only tell you how I've come to terms with being not hot.

Everything ends, and perfection is relative. Even top models find flaws in themselves, and even the most attractive people will become unattractive eventually. Also, everyone poops and everyone dies and decomposes. We're all getting there, and it's okay.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Amigo » 14 August 2019, 23:13

@ René @Eryx yes, I was referring to Isotretionin. I know about all the side effects, but all I want is to get rid of my skin problems entirely at any cost. I have an appointment with a new doctor next week, hopefully he will prescribe it to me.

Rene, as for confidence, everyone tells me what you said, but I don't undersand it, coz confidence is not something I can gain overnight. Besides, one needs something to make them confident....But I'm gonna see the psychologist at my uni just in case, too. ^^

@lightnight that's right. Thank you for the reminder :)
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Brenden » 14 August 2019, 23:55

Amigo wrote:@ René @Eryx yes, I was referring to Isotretionin. I know about all the side effects, but all I want is to get rid of my skin problems entirely at any cost.

Including new skin problems that make life more miserable?
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby Amigo » 15 August 2019, 00:03

Brenden wrote:
Amigo wrote:@ René @Eryx yes, I was referring to Isotretionin. I know about all the side effects, but all I want is to get rid of my skin problems entirely at any cost.

Including new skin problems that make life more miserable?

You mean dry skin? It's or anything is better than acne, redness and white heads. People with clear skin will never understand the struggle
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby René » 15 August 2019, 13:31

Amigo wrote:@ René @Eryx yes, I was referring to Isotretionin. I know about all the side effects, but all I want is to get rid of my skin problems entirely at any cost.

That's exactly how I felt. I was wrong. Waking up with painful eyes every night and getting my corneas scratched and being at higher risk of eye infections and dependent on eye drops and lip balm and skin moisturiser for the rest of my life wasn't worth it. Especially considering acne is a temporary problem that definitely goes away with age.

Amigo wrote:People with clear skin will never understand the struggle

Except...I lived it? My acne was so bad that I didn't even need to bring it up with my GP; at an unrelated appointment he just said "By the way, I am going to refer you to a dermatologist at the hospital." :lol:

And the dermatologist very quickly determined I was a candidate for this drug (subject to liver function tests etc.).

I didn't forget the struggle when my acne was cured. I just know my quality of life is worse overall and I would happily take the acne back to get rid of the problems isotretinoin caused (which don't seem to be going away ever, unlike the acne which would have eventually cleared up, guaranteed).

Amigo wrote:Rene, as for confidence, everyone tells me what you said, but I don't undersand it, coz confidence is not something I can gain overnight. Besides, one needs something to make them confident....But I'm gonna see the psychologist at my uni just in case, too. ^^

:thumbsup:

It takes a paradigm shift in thinking. I probably can't help you make that shift, but a psychologist very well might!

Psychedelics might help too. They did for me.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 15 August 2019, 20:37

René wrote:but you have to realise that confidence makes you look more attractive, and the impact is massive.

Now I’m trying to imagine Donald Trump as coy and introverted.

René wrote:and dependent on eye drops

Ah. I suspected that’s why I’ve been needing artificial tears as of late. :pfft:

I’m sorry to hear you got horrible (permanent?) side effects. :shake:
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby René » 16 August 2019, 11:36

poolerboy0077 wrote:
René wrote:and dependent on eye drops

Ah. I suspected that’s why I’ve been needing artificial tears as of late. :pfft:

I’m sorry to hear you got horrible (permanent?) side effects. :shake:

What kind do you use? I've been using cheap carbomer eye gel from eBay/Amazon, buying in bulk (10 or 20 tubes at a time) to get the lowest price per unit. Most recently I paid the equivalent of about $24 for 20 tubes of 10 g each, and these last a lot longer than regular eye drops.

I also figured out that the lip balm you can buy in retail is kind of a scam (it has ingredients that actually cause your lips to dry out more after a while so you need to keep reapplying it and end up buying more). What I've found works much better is pure cocoa butter. It's more expensive, but it feels much healthier and doesn't actively make your lips dry again as it wears off.

But yeah, it sucks.

Are you currently taking isotretinoin? If so, I would drop the dose to like 10 mg/day or 0.15 mg/kg/day or less immediately and just use the same total amount over a much longer time period to reduce the toxicity.
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby hopenlife2019 » 16 August 2019, 11:43

Amigo wrote:Hola amigos! :keke:

I am new here and 23 y.o. To cut to the chaste, I have a veeeeeeery low self-esteem and a light form of social anxiety due to loads of things, including my flaws. I can't even fathom how it is possible for one person to have that many flaws xD.

My flaws are:
-height (166 cm)
-facial features (everything that's supposed to be small is big and vice versa, like nose, ears are big, and lips and penis are small)
-small penis
-as a bonus point skin problems aka acne, white heads (which are however getting better)

So I'm really unpleased with myself in general and that's affecting my dating life. In fact, I've never been in a relationship, nor have I ever had anything with men so far, aka pure virgin :3 :D . My looks were not the primary reason why I've never dated, but they've always played a role.

2months ago, I finally decided to begin dating and downloaded an app called planetromeo. Nobody knows I'm gay in my family/among friends, so I only uploaded body pics there and sent face pics only via PM. The problem is I'm photogenic and know very well from which side/angle etc. I look the best, so I always look at least 3 times better in pics than in real life (Bodywise I look pretty hot, facewise average in pics)...Anyway, I received loads of messages and compliments, which I had not expected. Most were looking for a one night stand, though, while I was/am only interested in a serious relationship...

I got to know some guys with great personalities and decent looks as well, who were also looking for a relationship like me. With 2 of them, things got even pretty serious. I was like videochatting and telephoning with them daily for many hours for a month. They were both attracted to me from what they saw in pics and on videos. There were other guys as well, but I liked these two more than others, coz I find middle eastern and medeterrenian guys the most attractive....

But every time someone asked me out, I declined using different excuses, while I was only being afraid of being rejected after they see me in real life, especially by those 2 guys, coz I like'em a lot. I mentioned to them a couple of times, that I usually look better in pics, one of them said my personality would compensate my flaws for him, the other one said he doesn't believe that I look too different in real life. But I could not tell either of them about one of my biggest insecurities, my penis :/ They are both tops, so I don't know how much they would care about the size of the penis, but still...I feel ashamed to talk about it.

Afterwards, I said to all the potential boyfriends that I'm not ready for a relationship and deleted the app. It's been 2 weeks and now I'm regretting....

Of course I can reinstall the app anytime, but I don't think anything will happen unless I accept myself for what I am with all my flaws, which I've been struggling with. How do other (too) flawed people accept themselves?

I'm trying to change myself to make it easy for myself to accept myself: bought a make up that's specifically made for men to cover the redness on my face, thanks to which I feel more comfortable now. And getting an ear job done next month. But there are loads of things I can't change/afford, including my penis, so I need to accept myself, but don't know how. I watch some motivational videos about being oneself and stuff and get motivated, but the motivation doesn't last that long, like I go out or go to the gym and see all the perfect guys and the motivation is gone as well as self-esteem.

And I'm getting older and older without kissing anybody or feeling loved because of my weird fears. How do I get rid of them?

Gracias for reading!



Hey mate,
I hope you're feeling OK. You are not alone. We all have self-doubts. I have doubted myself so many times why I have got such a handsome, blond and kind-hearted, caring .... husband. Yet, I am just an ugly duckling.

Well, then I went to read books to help me out. Try this: Master Your Emotions (by Thibaut Meurisse) and I think it's a great read.
If you don't have time to read it, part of the lessons I learnt from it are like:

You see your own flaws through your own lens (own interpretation and perceptions that were shaped by your environment and experiences). Everybody has their own lens. What you see yourself as a flaw doesn't mean it is one for the other party. Typical judgmental situation, "Look at the guy, he's fat and ugly, how did he pull such a good-looking lady? I bet he is a lot of money and she's with him only because of the money." Well, it could be true but it's only our story. Change our perceptions, when people reject our ideas and think it's not our fault and it's just because they have a different interpretation of the ideas/ situations.

I think I read it from Tony Robin's book Awaken the Giant Within:
A guy sat on a busy train travelling home after a stressful day at work. Let's call him Mr. A. Then a dad with two young kids came on board. Two kids were making very loud noises and one of them went as far as fisting (I know some people like this word here, but not the one you're thinking of - see perception! :P) the cushioned seat. The dad was just sat at the seat doing nothing. A lot of people stared at them with a frown. Mr. A thought to himself, "I have to do something, as what they do is unfair to the rest of the passengers. What a bad parenting it is that their father doesn't stop them!" Then he walked to the dad and asked him to stop their kids.
The dad replied,"How am I supposed to tell the kids to calm down when we just came out of the hospital and they lost their mum?"


I hope I haven't bored you with the story and all the typing. I hope it really helps with your situation. There are billions of Homo sapiens on earth and I am sure you can find one that really appreciates for who you are. :)
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Re: short, unattractive, small penis. How to accept?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 16 August 2019, 18:00

René wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
René wrote:and dependent on eye drops

Ah. I suspected that’s why I’ve been needing artificial tears as of late. :pfft:

I’m sorry to hear you got horrible (permanent?) side effects. :shake:

What kind do you use? I've been using cheap carbomer eye gel from eBay/Amazon, buying in bulk (10 or 20 tubes at a time) to get the lowest price per unit. Most recently I paid the equivalent of about $24 for 20 tubes of 10 g each, and these last a lot longer than regular eye drops.

I mean, I’ve been using Refresh Tears but I don’t know if that would be enough for what you’ve got. Especially since I’m still able to wear contacts. I recently went to the ophthalmologist who said my eyes were healthy.

René wrote:I also figured out that the lip balm you can buy in retail is kind of a scam (it has ingredients that actually cause your lips to dry out more after a while so you need to keep reapplying it and end up buying more). What I've found works much better is pure cocoa butter. It's more expensive, but it feels much healthier and doesn't actively make your lips dry again as it wears off.

What ingredients are those? I rarely use lip balm since I don’t usually need it but my dermatologist use to gift me Dr. Dan’s Cortibalm.

What I do suffer a lot from is dry nostrils. Ugh! Either it’s too mucousy and need to blow it, usually when I’m eating which is uncomfortable and gross, or it’s too dry, and none of the nose gels I’ve bought seem to work. They’re too damn watery. I wish there was one with the consistency of Vaporub. :pfft:

René wrote:Are you currently taking isotretinoin? If so, I would drop the dose to like 10 mg/day or 0.15 mg/kg/day or less immediately and just use the same total amount over a much longer time period to reduce the toxicity.

Oh no, this was like, back in 2010. I’m just assuming that the recent dryness I’ve had starting four years ago or so is due to that. We’re not gonna end up blind are we? :( Are we gonna die?
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