What are your thoughts on having kids?

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What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 15 December 2021, 02:06

I swear I won’t go into an anti-natalist rant. I simply want to know your personal reasons for wanting or not wanting to have kids. Personally, that’s not something that seems desirable to me—like, at all. It seems like so much work, and sacrifice and expense just for what? The joy of living vicariously through someone that’s sort of like you? To seed your “legacy”? Play house? I honestly have not heard any compelling reason to convince me. Among my friends, I only know a few of them that either have kids or want to have them. I can count them on one hand. The rest don’t want any, so I’m not along among my peers, and I’d assume it’s even more pronounced among younger crowds.

What about you guys?
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby erti » 15 December 2021, 04:40

I don’t want children of my own. I’m happy with being aunt Jess. Reasons why I don’t want kids is because of past trauma and fear of being a terrible mother and repeat the abuse on the child. I’m not the disciplinary role like a mom and or Dad. I’m also schizophrenic and for me to pass that down to my own kids or if I start getting delusional about my child and put them in danger. I’ll admit I’m having baby fever but I ultimately say no to children of my own.
“Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby rogonandi » 15 December 2021, 07:07

I don’t have the patience or the proper monetary abilities to raise children.
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby pozzie » 15 December 2021, 20:04

I have never wanted to have children -- too many 'bad' genes has always been the biggest reason though certainly as I've aged it's grown increasingly less attractive.

Let me put it this way, around 2000 I got a puppy. Two other dogs post that puppy and I'm ardently uninterested in ever raising a puppy again. If raising a puppy is "too much work", how could I even think about a child?
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby PopTart » 15 December 2021, 21:37

There is a part of me that would like children. But it is superceded by the pragmatic and practical side of me, that knows all too well, that I have little to no real patience for kids unless it is on my terms and one doesn't get to pick and choose, at what times one is a parent and what times one is not. It's a full time, lifelong commitment.

What part of me wants children and why? I think it's a multifaceted desire. I can't deny some element of "legacy" My Dad would have loved to have biological grandchildren and I think some part of him died when he realised I wouldn't likely have any of my own. It was a small death of sorts. The end of his line perhaps. Maybe I imagine he felt that way. But regardless, some part of me thinks there is something vital in the cycle of continuation of familial lines, even if it exists only in the mind and that, even if in some way, this is chaining oneself to outdated or backwards ideas, I find it appealling to some degree. Maybe I 'd like to posthumously make my dad happy? Maybe I just want to perpetuate my own genes into the future to make up for not curing cancer or something in my own life? Maybe my kids would do it for me? I'm not convinced I care about that kind of thing. But who knows for certain.

I loved hearing about each of my parents childhood stories. The first hand experiences of thier own childhood and the related tales, they shared second hand of the parents and extended families, that were shared with them. I sometimes think I'd like to have someone to pass those same stories onto and my own aswell. A living record, a sort of where one comes from, who we have known and loved. Like some kind of tapestry of oral tales. I like stories a great deal and I often reduce most things to story form. Children would be a captive, if sometimes reluctant, but maybe sometimes willing, audience, for the stories that mean the most to me. Something that can be shared, with someone most likely to be invested in the tales.

There is also the aspect, of imparting things I have learned to someone. Granted, one can do this with just about anyone. But who can deny the emotional connection, that exists between a parent and child and I am one of those that believe such a bond is, generally speaking atleast, stronger between biological relations than just emotional and circumstance. This is purely subjective ofcourse and others are welcome to disagree. But I'll not be swayed on the matter. There are many things my parents told me, that in my youth and hubris, I thought was a load of old bollocks. With time, experience and maturity, I see that, in some things atleast, they were right. I recall them sharing the same experience about lessons learned, that their parents had told them of, that they had dismissed, only to realise their parents had been right. I see in such things, a great continuity of experience a long and storied connection from the present, to the past and through our children, extending into the future. Children I think can be that, a tangible reason to care about past, present and future, in a way that is hard to understand fully, for those that don't have children.

I also believe that children can be a source of purpose and meaning in life. I believe those stories that parents tell, of experiences impossible to surpass or compare, when it comes to the highs and lows of parenthood. I bet that children bring some of the greatest and most vital joy, in their achievements, their successes and happiness. I believe they are the source of the greatest anxiety, fear and worry too. Some of the most poignant and powerful feelings a person can have, come from the intensity of the parent child bond/connection. That is alot to dismiss or deny ones self. I also think it is unequal or uneven, in that, we are all someones child, but I don't think the feelings travel in equal measure in both directions and yet, it's one of those rare exceptions, in which that lack of emotional equality doesn't really matter. I bet seeing your kids best moments, probably trumps ones own.

Alot to unpack there.

Why I don't have kids? I'm ultimately quite selfish, I doubt I'd actually make half as good a parent as I'd like to be and at this point in my life. I'm probably too long in the tooth. I enjoy my freedom too much, whats left of it. I loathe responsibility and can there be any greater than the caring for, upbringing of and forever being responsible for, another human being,,,or two?

So while I can see kids being a whole bundle of incredible joy, meaningful connections to both the past and future, a potentialy enduring legacy and some tribalistic keeper of stories. I'm poorly equipped and only tangentially inclined.
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby asianduck888 » 15 December 2021, 22:40

simply, i love kids. all my family love kids. whenever there is kids in our family, we always treat them like a celebrity. but that only applied to kids under 5 yo. above that, not fun playing with kids. but if he/she is my kids maybe its still fun, because i love teaching. i was a teacher.
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby René » 16 December 2021, 01:16

I feel pretty neutral about the idea. I'd be open to it in the long term if my partners want it and it's important to them. I think Brenden thinks he might like to; not sure about Shawn, although he seems great with kids. :3

I imagine it would be relatively easy with three parents and three incomes. And having three dads might be pretty neat for a kid. :D
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby rogonandi » 16 December 2021, 01:30

René wrote:I feel pretty neutral about the idea. I'd be open to it in the long term if my partners want it and it's important to them. I think Brenden thinks he might like to; not sure about Shawn, although he seems great with kids. :3

I imagine it would be relatively easy with three parents and three incomes. And having three dads might be pretty neat for a kid. :D

Like a gay version of the sitcom ‘Full House!’

Well, gayer.
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby ThatNomad » 16 December 2021, 02:38

I have just about zero tolerance for most small children I've met. But I also have to remind myself it isn't the children I have a problem with, it's the terrible parenting of those whom said children spawned from. Lol.

I think my partner would like to adopt eventually, but honestly who knows.
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 16 December 2021, 04:55

René wrote:I imagine it would be relatively easy with three parents and three incomes.

Oh right! I didn’t even think about that. You guys are probably loaded now. Niiiice.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby René » 16 December 2021, 07:13

poolerboy0077 wrote:
René wrote:I imagine it would be relatively easy with three parents and three incomes.

Oh right! I didn’t even think about that. You guys are probably loaded now. Niiiice.

Not exactly, haha. (Merging finances isn't realistic until we're living together, which we're hoping will be in a few years' time, and for the moment, Brenden's still studying part-time alongside his work for our business.)
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby Jzone » 17 December 2021, 06:26

I grew up in a loving extended family, and wanted to repeat that pattern. I raised two children into young adulthood and I am proud of who they are becoming. When my life is fading out, I trust they will be there to make that time at least a little more comfortable for me — the way I watched my parents do so for my grandparents and I did for my parents. I don't have any deeper reason than that.
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Re: What are your thoughts on having kids?

Unread postby evgenia33 » 27 April 2022, 15:04

I would like children. Specifically a daughter. So I am preparing myself psychologically and financially for the birth of a child. :crazy:
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