What put a frown on your face today?

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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Severelius » 21 September 2020, 18:06

Every time I talk to a specific girl friend of mine my brain always starts trying to get me thinking about once again pursuing university education.

And I really wish it would stop. I'm too old for it, too thick for it, haven't been in education for like 10 solid years, and the only subjects I would have any desire to enter education for are things that are either most likely fleeting interests, or things I like too much to have the enjoyment of them burnt right the fuck out of me like happened with media and film production when I tried and horrifically failed university the first time around.

... and yes I know I've spoken about this topic of mental pointlessness before but it just keeps coming back up as a thing I get randomly really into the thought of before reality sets in and banishes it into the dark corners of my mind where all the "things I could do to improve myself and my existence but can't because I'm too useless" are locked away.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Brenden » 21 September 2020, 19:31

Why don't you just try the Open University? You could do one module. It's too late for the usual October start, but there may be modules that start in the spring that you might want to take.

You're not too old, and you're not thick. Many OU students are in their 30s and 40s or even older. Hell, I know plenty of people who've got to bricks-and-mortar universities for a Bachelor's in their 40s or even 60s!
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby erti » 21 September 2020, 20:21

Yeah, I agree with Brenden...not a lot of people are traditional students (students who are between 18 -22 year old). I am 30 and once I get my mental health stuff straighten out i want to become a high school math teacher.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Severelius » 21 September 2020, 20:39

Brenden wrote:Why don't you just try the Open University? You could do one module. It's too late for the usual October start, but there may be modules that start in the spring that you might want to take.

You're not too old, and you're not thick. Many OU students are in their 30s and 40s or even older. Hell, I know plenty of people who've got to bricks-and-mortar universities for a Bachelor's in their 40s or even 60s!

Because of the financial and personal reasons that still plague me to this day as a result of my first stupid attempt at university studying a subject I thought I liked but ended up hating almost immediately.

Getting into more debt and risking more mental health bullshit for a vague flight of fancy doesn't seem much like a smart decision.

This urge to try uni again comes around every now and again. It always goes away again so clearly it's not a thing I'm super-enthusiastic about.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby erti » 21 September 2020, 20:44

Severelius wrote:
Brenden wrote:Why don't you just try the Open University? You could do one module. It's too late for the usual October start, but there may be modules that start in the spring that you might want to take.

You're not too old, and you're not thick. Many OU students are in their 30s and 40s or even older. Hell, I know plenty of people who've got to bricks-and-mortar universities for a Bachelor's in their 40s or even 60s!

Because of the financial and personal reasons that still plague me to this day as a result of my first stupid attempt at university studying a subject I thought I liked but ended up hating almost immediately.

Getting into more debt and risking more mental health bullshit for a vague flight of fancy doesn't seem much like a smart decision.


Doesn't mean you'll always will struggle with mental illness and bad self esteem. you're being pessimistic. People have done it so why can't you?
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Brenden » 21 September 2020, 21:00

Severelius wrote:
Brenden wrote:Why don't you just try the Open University? You could do one module. It's too late for the usual October start, but there may be modules that start in the spring that you might want to take.

You're not too old, and you're not thick. Many OU students are in their 30s and 40s or even older. Hell, I know plenty of people who've got to bricks-and-mortar universities for a Bachelor's in their 40s or even 60s!

Because of the financial and personal reasons that still plague me to this day as a result of my first stupid attempt at university studying a subject I thought I liked but ended up hating almost immediately.

Getting into more debt and risking more mental health bullshit for a vague flight of fancy doesn't seem much like a smart decision.

This urge to try uni again comes around every now and again. It always goes away again so clearly it's not a thing I'm super-enthusiastic about.

As I’ve said before, you almost certainly qualify for financial aid. And even if you don’t, university debt doesn’t have to be paid back until you make a certain amount of money per year, and goes away entirely after so many years. It’s not like regular debt.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Severelius » 21 September 2020, 21:12

How about that I'm terrified of failure and don't want to repeat the single lowest moment of my entire life thus far all over again but with nobody to blame but myself this time?
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby dragonfire » 21 September 2020, 21:17

I understand, the student experience hasn't been so great for me either :(

I know you're scared of failure, almost everybody is to some extent. And it's up to you whether you'd like to try again or not. But sometimes it's only through being able to accept the possibility of failure that we find success. In any aspect of life.

I know I don't know you but from what I've seen of you here you don't seem as useless as you think you are. And there are a lot of students much older than you. I know it isn't an easy thing to think about though. Going back.

But I think you could do it if you wanted to.

And if you don't want to go to uni there are night classes, etc. There are always options.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 22 September 2020, 07:17

Severelius wrote:How about that I'm terrified of failure and don't want to repeat the single lowest moment of my entire life thus far all over again but with nobody to blame but myself this time?

so you try and fail again, can you feel any worse about yourself, than you do now?

You say yourself, that you keep coming around to that same thought, that doesn't say to me, that your unenthusiastic about the idea, but that it's something you desperately want to do, but perpetually deny yourself, due to doubt and fear, yet you circle back, none the less.

It's no different from getting your flat and the independence that came with it. Did you not feel fear and doubt at a formless failure there too? But here you are, living that decision and realising it isn't that bad and all the benefits it brings are totally worth it! :awesome:

In what ways might you minimise the chances of failure? Choose a subject that will hold your attention for a good length of time, that you can write dry dissertations on, that you can engage in pedantic talks about and you'll probably do better than you expect.

Brush up on the course material first, to see if it matches your expectations for the subject and qualification. Plan, prepare, implement.

Just don't let fear and doubt rule your choices and future potential.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Severelius » 22 September 2020, 08:18

PopTart wrote:so you try and fail again, can you feel any worse about yourself, than you do now?

Yes.

You say yourself, that you keep coming around to that same thought, that doesn't say to me, that your unenthusiastic about the idea, but that it's something you desperately want to do, but perpetually deny yourself, due to doubt and fear, yet you circle back, none the less.

There are many dumb thoughts that I can't keep out of my head for long. I regularly consider just taking out all my savings and just up and moving to a different country. Doesn't mean I'm remotely prepared to actually realistically do it.

It's no different from getting your flat and the independence that came with it. Did you not feel fear and doubt at a formless failure there too? But here you are, living that decision and realising it isn't that bad and all the benefits it brings are totally worth it! :awesome:

... okay yeah that is an example of a thing I was utterly terrified of but that has worked out surprisingly well and easily. Point made on that one.

In what ways might you minimise the chances of failure? Choose a subject that will hold your attention for a good length of time, that you can write dry dissertations on, that you can engage in pedantic talks about and you'll probably do better than you expect.

Well the "what subject" debate is a whole huge part of this.

Like do I choose something like English Literature/Creative Writing that I know I like and had always been good at in previous education? Or do I not risk ending up having that and go for a subject I'm interested in but don't know much about yet really want to, like History/Classics or Politics?

What if I decide on a subject i want to know more about but then it turns out to be really fucking boring in formal education and I just hate it and have, once again, wasted my time?

Brush up on the course material first, to see if it matches your expectations for the subject and qualification. Plan, prepare, implement.

Just don't let fear and doubt rule your choices and future potential.

But they're so good at ruling my choices and future potential. They've got like a decade of experience at it by now, it's kind of what they do best. :lol:
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Severelius » 1 October 2020, 16:42

Having to have 'the conversation' about an anxiety episode I had at work on Saturday that, somehow, of course my Group Manager found out about and 'expressed concern' to my Area Manager who basically came all the way down to my shop just to talk to me about it.

Sometimes I really hate being a fuck-up.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 1 October 2020, 17:04

Severelius wrote:
PopTart wrote:so you try and fail again, can you feel any worse about yourself, than you do now?

Yes.
Do I sense a degree of hyperbole here? :glasses: I suspect you're just saying that. :P

Severelius wrote:
PopTart wrote:You say yourself, that you keep coming around to that same thought, that doesn't say to me, that your unenthusiastic about the idea, but that it's something you desperately want to do, but perpetually deny yourself, due to doubt and fear, yet you circle back, none the less.

There are many dumb thoughts that I can't keep out of my head for long. I regularly consider just taking out all my savings and just up and moving to a different country. Doesn't mean I'm remotely prepared to actually realistically do it.
I wouldn't say wanting to upsticks and get away is a dumb thought. Doing so without planning and preparation would undoubtedly be dumb decision making, imho, but thinking about it, weighing up your options. Nothing wrong with that. Can be quite comforting too, to realise that it's something you might actually be able to do. Afterall, people all across the world, launch themselves across oceans, national boundaries and to far distant lands, to start new lives. Would it be so strange?

Severelius wrote:
PopTart wrote:It's no different from getting your flat and the independence that came with it. Did you not feel fear and doubt at a formless failure there too? But here you are, living that decision and realising it isn't that bad and all the benefits it brings are totally worth it! :awesome:

... okay yeah that is an example of a thing I was utterly terrified of but that has worked out surprisingly well and easily. Point made on that one.
Point made on that one? Maybe, you might admit, that it is possible, that perhaps, just maybe, the same might be true in other circumstances? Potentially? :awesome:

Severelius wrote:
PopTart wrote:In what ways might you minimise the chances of failure? Choose a subject that will hold your attention for a good length of time, that you can write dry dissertations on, that you can engage in pedantic talks about and you'll probably do better than you expect.

Well the "what subject" debate is a whole huge part of this.

Like do I choose something like English Literature/Creative Writing that I know I like and had always been good at in previous education? Or do I not risk ending up having that and go for a subject I'm interested in but don't know much about yet really want to, like History/Classics or Politics?

What if I decide on a subject i want to know more about but then it turns out to be really fucking boring in formal education and I just hate it and have, once again, wasted my time?
I saw you looking into some further education stuff and truthfully, only you can decide what subject best suits you. Since the educational year has already started, maybe now is the best time to really look into the details of a handful of courses that most intrigue you. Hit up a student forum or two, ask questions of students already doing those subjects, inquire about subjects that are covered and then, take some time to look those things up, figure out if you could write a 4000 word essay on "the historic significance of the handkerchef in male courtship practices" or some such.

Severelius wrote:
PopTart wrote:Brush up on the course material first, to see if it matches your expectations for the subject and qualification. Plan, prepare, implement.

Just don't let fear and doubt rule your choices and future potential.

But they're so good at ruling my choices and future potential. They've got like a decade of experience at it by now, it's kind of what they do best. :lol:
:rofl: Well, if they are so well suited to the job of deciding your lifes direction, perhaps you best just sit back, let them do the steering and not worry as much, your fate is out of your own hands anyways, so why sweat it? :devil:

Severelius wrote:Sometimes I really hate being a fuck-up.
You're not a fuck up, your just complicated. On the bright side, atleast your area manager came by to check on you :applause: I suspect my branch manager would be more concerned if it would impact my work and start drawing up plans to replace me! :lol: I'm ceertain he would be sure to inform me that he was doing it too, so as to let me know, that I shouldn't let my situation impact the business or else and also, to emphasise how much extra work I was creating for him. :runaway:

It might have been awkard and embarrassing, but it speaks highly of your area manager for giving a fuck.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Severelius » 1 October 2020, 17:42

PopTart wrote:
Severelius wrote:Sometimes I really hate being a fuck-up.
You're not a fuck up, your just complicated. On the bright side, atleast your area manager came by to check on you :applause: I suspect my branch manager would be more concerned if it would impact my work and start drawing up plans to replace me! :lol: I'm ceertain he would be sure to inform me that he was doing it too, so as to let me know, that I shouldn't let my situation impact the business or else and also, to emphasise how much extra work I was creating for him. :runaway:

It might have been awkard and embarrassing, but it speaks highly of your area manager for giving a fuck.

Luckily me and her actually get on very well. I used to work in the shop that serves as the main office for the Area Management team so until this year we saw each other almost every day. So I knew she wouldn't be annoyed at me but just more concerned that I'm not talking to people about the crap that's bothering me and letting it mess me up as badly as it can do sometimes.

Still wasn't fun to explain "yeah sorry about the hassle Charlie I was just stuck in an anxiety-heightening spiral of personal shame and self-loathing because I'm considering going back into education but the self-esteem issues associated with the very concept of me trying university education again just started kicking every possible shade of shit out of me."
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby dragonfire » 1 October 2020, 23:58

I'm in the fifth year of a three year degree, I doubt you'd do worse than that :P
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby rogonandi » 2 October 2020, 02:11

Something is seriously sucking up my phone battery. It went from full to empty in about 8 hours.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby René » 2 October 2020, 02:14

rogonandi wrote:Something is seriously sucking up my phone battery. It went from full to empty in about 8 hours.

There should be an overview of what's been using the battery in the settings. It may not be totally accurate but could point you in the right direction.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby rogonandi » 2 October 2020, 02:17

René wrote:
rogonandi wrote:Something is seriously sucking up my phone battery. It went from full to empty in about 8 hours.

There should be an overview of what's been using the battery in the settings. It may not be totally accurate but could point you in the right direction.

According to the overview it happened between three and nine. I wasn’t using it then. :confused:
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby René » 2 October 2020, 02:22

rogonandi wrote:
René wrote:
rogonandi wrote:Something is seriously sucking up my phone battery. It went from full to empty in about 8 hours.

There should be an overview of what's been using the battery in the settings. It may not be totally accurate but could point you in the right direction.

According to the overview it happened between three and nine. I wasn’t using it then. :confused:

Your phone doesn't tell you what apps it reckons used the battery most? Android has for a while. I guess you're using an iPhone, then? Brenden was recently telling me they just introduced home-screen widgets on iOS, only 12 years after Android I believe... I suppose it's not surprising Apple is behind in other areas too. :P

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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 2 October 2020, 04:48

dragonfire wrote:I'm in the fifth year of a three year degree, I doubt you'd do worse than that :P

You're just being extra thorough ;)
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