What put a frown on your face today?

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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 17 March 2022, 17:17

Derek wrote:They made it clear that I'm still supposed to work overtime when it's expected of me. I just can't take a lunch after 1pm, leave early sometimes, or do any work from home.
Damn, really? Do they have no sense of how shitty that comes across?

Derek wrote:I updated my resumé last night and sent out a few applications, and I've already gotten one call back. I would like to work somewhere in the 21st century, and I'm thinking it was about time I moved on anyways.
Yeah, don't take their shit.

Derek wrote:I'm still very unsure of my feelings though. I don't think they were completely wrong, because I was taking liberties and never asked anyone if it was okay
Yeeaaaah, but lets be honest, the rules only apply to the common folk. We both know you are anything but common ;)

Derek wrote:At the same time, I'm annoyed they never talked to me about it if was such an issue for them, I think zero flexibility as company policy is bullshit, I feel simultaneously under- and micro-managed, and I'm underpaid for a high level of productivity and an esoteric skillset. I'm feeling bitter enough right now that I'm struggling to muster a graceful exit.
Damn right! You're better than these negligent micromanagers. Get a better job elsewhere, make sure it's all ironclad and then walk into your bosses office and give him a piece of your mind. While you're at it, if you really are well endowed. Get your dick out and taunt him with it.

Okay, maybe don't do that last bit, that's more my fantasy.

But seriously, sounds like you'd do better elsewhere. Once you start having those kinds of issues someplace, it doesn't really ever bode well. Unless there is a change in management. No-one ever forgets it.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Sullivan » 17 March 2022, 20:36

Derek wrote:They made it clear that I'm still supposed to work overtime when it's expected of me. I just can't take a lunch after 1pm, leave early sometimes, or do any work from home.

I updated my resumé last night and sent out a few applications, and I've already gotten one call back. I would like to work somewhere in the 21st century, and I'm thinking it was about time I moved on anyways.

I'm still very unsure of my feelings though. I don't think they were completely wrong, because I was taking liberties and never asked anyone if it was okay. At the same time, I'm annoyed they never talked to me about it if was such an issue for them, I think zero flexibility as company policy is bullshit, I feel simultaneously under- and micro-managed, and I'm underpaid for a high level of productivity and an esoteric skillset. I'm feeling bitter enough right now that I'm struggling to muster a graceful exit.

Fuck grace. Burn bridges.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Derek » 18 March 2022, 05:15

Sullivan wrote:
Derek wrote:They made it clear that I'm still supposed to work overtime when it's expected of me. I just can't take a lunch after 1pm, leave early sometimes, or do any work from home.

I updated my resumé last night and sent out a few applications, and I've already gotten one call back. I would like to work somewhere in the 21st century, and I'm thinking it was about time I moved on anyways.

I'm still very unsure of my feelings though. I don't think they were completely wrong, because I was taking liberties and never asked anyone if it was okay. At the same time, I'm annoyed they never talked to me about it if was such an issue for them, I think zero flexibility as company policy is bullshit, I feel simultaneously under- and micro-managed, and I'm underpaid for a high level of productivity and an esoteric skillset. I'm feeling bitter enough right now that I'm struggling to muster a graceful exit.

Fuck grace. Burn bridges.

What petty act of revenge should I take on the way out the door?
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 18 March 2022, 05:33

I have a cold. I literally recovered a short while ago, from a flu-like viral infection. (Not covid)

It's as if, edging towards 40, my body has given up all semblance of youth and vitality and decided to careen into dilapidation and ruin, with all the enthusiasm the geriatric can muster.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby McTaggartfan » 18 March 2022, 13:50

You're not even that old! But still, well said, nonetheless!

Also, if it is any consolation, it could be much worse than a cold. You could have covid, or else early-onset alzheimer's!
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Sullivan » 18 March 2022, 15:31

Derek wrote:What petty act of revenge should I take on the way out the door?

Deflower their sons and kidnap their wives.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Subra » 18 March 2022, 16:44

Derek wrote:What petty act of revenge should I take on the way out the door?

Boston clanger.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 19 March 2022, 15:11

Derek wrote:I updated my resumé last night and sent out a few applications, and I've already gotten one call back. I would like to work somewhere in the 21st century, and I'm thinking it was about time I moved on anyways.

When prospective employers contact your current employers, do you think they’ll try to smear you? I don’t know how HR works but I’m assuming they try to get opinions outside of just your references, no?
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Derek » 19 March 2022, 20:10

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Derek wrote:I updated my resumé last night and sent out a few applications, and I've already gotten one call back. I would like to work somewhere in the 21st century, and I'm thinking it was about time I moved on anyways.

When prospective employers contact your current employers, do you think they’ll try to smear you? I don’t know how HR works but I’m assuming they try to get opinions outside of just your references, no?

That's not something that usually happens, no. Most people try to line up their next job while they're still working and calling their boss without permission is a dick move to say the least. If they did that, I would never consider working for them.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 19 March 2022, 21:39

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Derek wrote:I updated my resumé last night and sent out a few applications, and I've already gotten one call back. I would like to work somewhere in the 21st century, and I'm thinking it was about time I moved on anyways.

When prospective employers contact your current employers, do you think they’ll try to smear you? I don’t know how HR works but I’m assuming they try to get opinions outside of just your references, no?

Which is why you wait until you have secured the new role.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Derek » 19 March 2022, 21:53

It's my luck the labor market is so tight. I applied on Wednesday and I have an interview on Monday. It's a Zoom interview and they're going to test me, but I'm not sure what about exactly, so I'm a little nervous. I hope it's not a coding test because I'm a slow programmer.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby McTaggartfan » 26 March 2022, 04:06

I fear it’s been too long since last Marmaduke descended from the airy heavens to scold and insult me. It makes me wonder if he still even cares. Whatever shall I do, if one such as he no longer thinks of me from time to time, even if it be with most abundant dislike?
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby McTaggartfan » 26 March 2022, 04:12

McTaggartfan wrote:I fear it’s been too long since last Marmaduke descended from the airy heavens to scold and insult me. It makes me wonder if he still even cares. Whatever shall I do, if one such as he no longer thinks of me from time to time, even if it be with most abundant dislike?


See the song of the moment thread!
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby rogonandi » 26 March 2022, 09:04

Before going to bed I looked over at my socks on the floor and saw they BOTH have holes in them. That can’t be good…! :(
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Bluefish » 27 March 2022, 18:05

I really don't like how socially acceptable ghosting has become. Both with employers and just socially. I'd much rather be turned down than just ignored. I'm as into self-improvement as the next person but when you're constantly trying your best and you're constantly ignored it does get tiring.

Don't get me wrong I'm not the life and soul of any party, I don't generally like too much attention and I need a lot of emotional breathing space. But honestly people suck.
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby pozzie » 28 March 2022, 20:14

I gotta ask, why is ghosting such a big deal now? I mean, I lived many years with people not returning my call, possible employers never writing to say they selected another candidate, or whatever. Yeah, and sometimes I felt hurt or got bent out of shape over the perceived snub.

But I also get that people are busy and some things just aren't enough of a priority that they rise to the top, especially if tinged with a bit of "not really sure how best to serve this unpleasant information". I also get that Miss/Mrs/Ms Manners would probably say ghosting is only acceptable when actual harm might result, but yeah, people probably don't always do the right thing and many even know it.

Isn't ghosting the result of losing interest or not caring enough about an interchange to keep it going and thus not responding? I've had friends move or drift away. Our lives were no long intertwined but we promised to keep in touch and didn't. Is that ghosting or is ghosting more intentional, say more like cancel-culture lite? Has naming the inaction made it easier to talk about or has there been a social shift in expectation?
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Bluefish » 28 March 2022, 20:31

It's proven to be psychologically harmful

But hey people have different opinions and that's fine :)
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 29 March 2022, 17:26

pozzie wrote:I gotta ask, why is ghosting such a big deal now? I mean, I lived many years with people not returning my call, possible employers never writing to say they selected another candidate, or whatever. Yeah, and sometimes I felt hurt or got bent out of shape over the perceived snub.

But I also get that people are busy and some things just aren't enough of a priority that they rise to the top, especially if tinged with a bit of "not really sure how best to serve this unpleasant information". I also get that Miss/Mrs/Ms Manners would probably say ghosting is only acceptable when actual harm might result, but yeah, people probably don't always do the right thing and many even know it.

Isn't ghosting the result of losing interest or not caring enough about an interchange to keep it going and thus not responding? I've had friends move or drift away. Our lives were no long intertwined but we promised to keep in touch and didn't. Is that ghosting or is ghosting more intentional, say more like cancel-culture lite? Has naming the inaction made it easier to talk about or has there been a social shift in expectation?

I think it's different for those of us, who remember life before social media and instant, in your hand communication.

In our day (yeah I know we aren't exactly the same gen :lol: But I was most active BEFORE the rise of social media and shit) you gave someone your number and you didn't expect them to call back. You hoped they would, but it wasn't expected.

For every five people you gave your number too, one might call back and for everyone three of those that led to a meet, maybe one of them, led to a repeat.

I think today it's so much different for so many reasons. Firstly, it's so much easier to just acknowledge someone. Snapchat, insta, twitter etc etc etc. There are dozens of apps and methods of simply acknowledging someone. Yet it's also made it easier, to flat out ignore someone.

I guess the equivalent, would be when we might have offered/asked for a number and had that person just flat out not even look at you. Thats kind of what ghosting is like. Ofcourse people couldn't have done that. It would have looked weird. They atleast would have had to look at you and say no thank you. Or something less polite. :lol: social media and being virtual cyborgs with a smart phone grafted to our persons, makes it both easier to connect us easier to not communicate aswell.

In ongoing relationship terms, be it romantic or otherwise, I think ghosting is understandable. People don't click, something goes wrong. But I think the ease with which one could explain somewhat, from behind the protection and distance of a screen no less, makes it more upsetting maybe, when someone doesn't even bother with that and instead opts to just vanish without the courtesy of explanation.

I think young people in particular are very sensitive to this kind of thing too as they have never known any different way of being. Many young people struggle with rejection in any form and I do think that social media, and modern technology and the changes it has wrought on society are to blame.

And fuck me I sound like a luddite. I'm not. But as time goes by, I'm starting to question how truly benign some of the technologies we have adopted, really are and if perhaps, some of them are more of a problem than we care to admit. (Because they are convenient)
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby Bluefish » 29 March 2022, 18:06

I just wanted to say thank you PopTart and pozzie for your opinions, i didnt mean to start a debate :p

Ghosting in some contexts is harmless i suppose, but personally im going through an instance of it which feels cruel and manipulative so im sorry if ive come across as being overly emotional and defensive about this issue

I think its more about treating somebody with the respect to give them a reason why you want things to end once theyve already started i like the idea of, rather than expecting everyone to just stick around or explain everything they choose to do
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Re: What put a frown on your face today?

Unread postby PopTart » 29 March 2022, 18:18

Bluefish wrote:I just wanted to say thank you PopTart and pozzie for your opinions, i didnt mean to start a debate :p

Ghosting in some contexts is harmless i suppose, but personally im going through an instance of it which feels cruel and manipulative so im sorry if ive come across as being overly emotional and defensive about this issue

I think its more about treating somebody with the respect to give them a reason why you want things to end once theyve already started i like the idea of, rather than expecting everyone to just stick around or explain everything they choose to do

Hey, ofcourse. Your not being overly emotional or defensive. Sounds like you have every right to feel pissed :hug: It's okay to be angry and frustrated at being hurt :argh: Just, you know, try not to hold on to those feelings. :cry: let them out and move on when you can.

And it is rude to ghost. As I pointed out, people couldn't do it before, not the way we all can today. It was blatantly rude. It still is, but it's so much easier to do and to get away with without looking like a complete dick.

On the job front. I do think people underestimate how many applicants some jobs get. At one point I recall an employer telling me they had thousands of applicants for a role. Hard to give all of them a reply.
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