17 and have no gay friends

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17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby Babr4lyfe » 29 December 2021, 05:05

I'm 17 and I'm out but I don't know anyone well enough who is gay to talk about it. I'm out to my family and friends but I just feel I cant talk to them about certain things sometimes i can with people I talk to on grindr but still sometimes it feels isolating anyone else feel this?
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Re: 17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby PopTart » 29 December 2021, 18:09

It can be hard to take those first tentative steps to find gay friends, with whom you can talk.

While you might have a chance to find a friend or two on Grindr, it's not really geared towards finding those kinds of friends. :P

I don't know which part of the world you hail from, which influences what options you have. You can go into pubs in the UK but won't be able to drink. Probably not in most states in America.

But bars and clubs are a good way to find people to talk too.

If that isn't your scene, you should try finding local gay groups, they can be hard to come by and knowing where to look for them can be a challenge. But try checking out local gay papers or magazines or a decent internet search engine or social media.

Either way, try not to be put off by the daunting nature of the search. You have to meet people eventually and the sooner you overcome the first hurdle, the sooner it will get easier to meet people for the first time and feel comfortable and confident.

Everyone is nervous to start off with. So don't feel self conscious about it.
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Re: 17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby pozzie » 29 December 2021, 21:00

Babr4lyfe wrote:I'm 17 and I'm out but I don't know anyone well enough who is gay to talk about it. I'm out to my family and friends but I just feel I cant talk to them about certain things sometimes i can with people I talk to on grindr but still sometimes it feels isolating anyone else feel this?


Welcome to the forum! I'm sure you can find people who can talk about those topics around here though not sure how many younger visitors are regulars, but feel free to ask questions and we'll see what the community has to say.

PopTart wrote:I don't know which part of the world you hail from, which influences what options you have. You can go into pubs in the UK but won't be able to drink. Probably not in most states in America.


While I haven't done a recent survey of state drinking age laws, I'm reasonably confident that 1) all states moved the drinking age to 21 some years back under threat of losing access to federal highway funding. That was in the days when even right-wing governors didn't fight everything coming out of Washington "on principle". 2) Many, if not most, states don't allow underage people into bars. That's a pretty hard and fast rule though some might allow parents/guardians to bring their underage children/wards/foundlings into a pub that serves food. Some states limit the hours this can happen.

So anyway, at 17, places that serve alcohol WON'T be an option in the US. However, some larger cities do have underage or all-age clubs where no alcohol is served. These can be a good place to meet people of the same age group (though others have been known to hang around ... )

Also in larger towns there might be a LGBTQ community center and if there is, they usually will offer some sort of youth programming. I know we had a similar facility that ONLY catered to LGBTQ youth under a certain age, so those are worth looking for as well.

Last, some schools have LGBTQ+ friendly clubs though I'd expect the OP would know if there was one available. It might be worth checking other local schools if there isn't, but of course these aren't universal.

Oh, and last-last, search Facebook and other social media for local options. It might take some skill but, as they say, seek and ye shall find! Good luck!
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Re: 17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby Shadowlands » 30 December 2021, 09:59

Again, depends on the country, but given that the OP's profile has the UK flag, I'd suggest checking out gay special-interest groups as a possible way to get to talk to other gay people: there are quite a number of such groups in the UK. Putting "gay [interest] group" into an internet search, replacing "[interest]" with a specific term, should turn up something. For example, I found groups for singing, birdwatching, and football when I tried those terms at random.
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Re: 17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby RenĂ© » 31 December 2021, 21:59

Shadowlands wrote:Again, depends on the country, but given that the OP's profile has the UK flag, I'd suggest checking out gay special-interest groups as a possible way to get to talk to other gay people: there are quite a number of such groups in the UK. Putting "gay [interest] group" into an internet search, replacing "[interest]" with a specific term, should turn up something. For example, I found groups for singing, birdwatching, and football when I tried those terms at random.

Gay walking groups would be another example. I've heard of at least two that organise group walks across the UK.

Anyway, welcome! Stick around and post and you may find yourself making some friends on here too. :keke:
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Re: 17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby whoami18 » 8 January 2022, 17:10

i am 30 and always feel the same! Hard to find true gay friend to share what you are thinking!
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Re: 17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby stevie1400 » 10 January 2022, 22:47

I didn't have any gay friends when I was 17. Only a couple of people who I knew over the internet from other parts of the world. I didn't start meeting people locally until I was into my 20s.

Gay and LGBT community groups do exists, but it may be pot luck as to whether you have one in your area.

Dating sites might be worth a try as you do get people on those who are looking for friends/company, as well as people looking for relationships.
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Re: 17 and have no gay friends

Unread postby pozzie » 11 January 2022, 03:00

Actually stevie makes a valid point - I certainly didn't have a gay friends my age until I hit university. Okay, part of that was going from a small city of 35 000 to a larger city of about 2 000 000 in the metro area. It's a Smalltown Boy thing.
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