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Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 6 January 2021, 16:59

Just a quick intro. I’m here trying to find myself. 56 year old married man with two grown children. Have feelings the have surfaced but actually have been there for a long time. Trying to figure it all out.
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Re: Hello

Unread postby René » 6 January 2021, 18:16

Hey MGL22, welcome to the forum :)

If you'd like to let us know a bit more about yourself, you may find it useful to copy this template:

First name:
Nickname(s)?:
Age:
Orientation:
Where you live:
Where you're from:
What you do (job, schooling, etc.):
Dream Job:
Religion (or lack thereof):
Political philosophy:
Interests and hobbies:
Drinking, drugs or sobriety?:
Special talents:
Pet peeves:
Personal hero:
Favourite real-life homosexual:
Favourite movies:
Favourite TV shows:
Favourite music:
Favourite books:
Favourite food:
A quote to live by:
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 6 January 2021, 19:19

Thanks for the reply:

First name: Mark
Nickname(s)?: None
Age: 56
Orientation: bisexual?
Where you live: USA
Where you're from: Missouri
What you do (job, schooling, etc.): Professional went to college graduated with BA
Religion (or lack thereof): catholic
Political philosophy: conservative
Interests and hobbies: family hanging with friends
Drinking, drugs or sobriety?: casual drinker
Special talents: hummm, not sure :)
Pet peeves: mean people
Personal hero: none
Favourite real-life homosexual: George Michael
Favourite movies: all types
Favourite TV shows: none
Favourite music: all types depends on mood
Favourite books: none
Favourite food: all types
A quote to live by: Be nice to everyone
MGL22
 
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Re: Hello

Unread postby OutsideIn » 6 January 2021, 22:33

Hello and welcome. I hope this place will help you find what you are looking for.
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 6 January 2021, 22:37

Thank you for the kind words. I’m hopeful in connection with others who can guide me through this process
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Re: Hello

Unread postby Marmaduke » 6 January 2021, 22:39

So what are these feelings that have surfaced?
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 6 January 2021, 22:49

I remember when i was young (11-12) and having an attraction toward some men. I felt so shame and bad. I put the thought out of my mind which wasn’t that hard because i was attracted to women as well. Recently I have become more and more obsessed with being with a man. I feel something is missing within me.
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Re: Hello

Unread postby Marmaduke » 6 January 2021, 22:53

Well, you know, you’re a married man now. I’m afraid that scratch is going to have to go unscratched unless she’s cool with it. Have you considered speaking with her about it?
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 6 January 2021, 22:58

That’s one of the things I hope to get some advice on. She know about my desires for non-monogamy on her side only. Not sure if i should tell her about the other desires. At this point she is not game with introducing others to our relationship. With that said, i dont like having the secret. We share almost everything.
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 7 January 2021, 03:48

Not sure I’m in the right place. Just looking for some friends and support.
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Re: Hello

Unread postby OutsideIn » 7 January 2021, 04:08

MGL22 wrote:Not sure I’m in the right place. Just looking for some friends and support.

I think you can find friends and support here. But you may also want to search for support groups for men who are in situations similar to yours. A lot of other men have gone through what you are experiencing right now, and I think you could benefit from their insights. How you ultimately decide to deal with your circumstances will be completely up to you. Every situation is unique, and only you can determine the best course of action. But you don’t have to be alone in this.
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 7 January 2021, 04:17

I’m not sure how to do that. Are there different forums or groups to discuss my situation. I’m looking for some place I can express myself without judgement.
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Re: Hello

Unread postby OutsideIn » 7 January 2021, 04:39

I did a quick Google search for bisexual men support group and found a bunch. I am not familiar with any of these and so I cannot vouch for any them. You may have to try a few to find a group you like. A lot of the search results were based on my location. You can do the search on your own to find groups in your area.

https://www.meetup.com/topics/bisexual-support/

https://www.gammasupport.org/
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 7 January 2021, 05:08

Thank you. I will check the, out
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Re: Hello

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 12 January 2021, 01:27

Boy do I NOT envy your situation. I always wanted to marry and have kids even though my attraction to men was so much stronger. However, when I found out I was infertile, the desire diminished considerably. ,

I think it is great that you have children, but I assume it weighs heavy on your heart not to hurt your wife. Assuming she was your wife for a good long time, you have a lot of history. Even with support groups, at some point you may want to seek out professional counseling for yourself. As I'm sure you know, everything is kept confidential.

Though I have been happily partnered for 17+ years with my guy, I would never try to persuade another man to leave his family in hopes of having a some utopian dream life of hot sex and emotional male love. You are going to have to figure out what is best for you -- and your family. Some guys figure they cannot live without some m2m sex, but they can do without any emotional attachment -- either they convince themselves, that isn't what they want or that they can avoid that and protect the family. Just know that if you think you are in the category, make sure you do not put your wife at risk for STD's.

Though plenty of married gays/bi's seem to feel that way, my own experience with them is that they are craving much more than just playing with a body part -- such as another man's cock. I remember one guy who said the yearning for a man's touch eventually made him impotent when he tried to please his wife -- of course that was WAY before pills such as Viagra existed.

I'm only about 5 years older than you. I will always regret that I could not sire children, yet I'm glad I never had to worry about breaking a loving woman or loving children's hearts because of my desires. For me the need to have a man's love was just too overwhelming. My current relationship isn't picture perfect, but I love him, and he loves me, and that gave me the freedom not to feel a hole in my heart that I always felt without a man's love. As for sex, I'm a dud now -- I suffer with ED (probably due mainly to my diabetes -- the blue pills just don't help). However, that is where one has to differentiate between sex and love. If it was all just about sex, he should have left me 5 years ago, but because it is about love the sex is not as pressing. I was by his side when he went through 5 bypasses about 8 years ago. He was by my side when I struggled to make it after having a bad case of West Nile Virus that put me in the hospital for 5 weeks -- 2 years ago.

I too am Catholic, but m2m and religion haven't cause a problem with me for many years. I'm more of a cafeteria kind of guy. I take what makes sense to me, and leave the tasteless stuff for someone else behind me in the cafeteria line. As to monogamy, yes that is me. I had NUMEROUS partners over the years. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was the life I lead. I guess now I see it kind of like pairs of shoes. Sure those patent leather shoes, look so good and might make me look spiffy wearing them, but I'd rather take the old slippers that may be past their prime but from years of wearing them they fit my feet perfectly in every way. Again, I've been around the block so many times, that I know just how over-rated lots of sex with different people. I wasted so much time when that was my life's trajectory. Though you are 56, I realize that the thought of m2m sex which is so new to you probably is more like a teen who wants to try every candy in the candy store.

Nevertheless, I truly wish you the very best as you deal with this. You have a lot of tough things to think about.

Good Luck!
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Re: Hello

Unread postby MGL22 » 12 January 2021, 14:16

Thank you for sharing your story and experience. A lot of tough things to think about for sure.
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