I think I'm Trans.

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I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Taylor Graison » 9 February 2019, 07:37

My gayness really didn’t hit me until mid-life. I just thought I was Bisexual. For reasons other than that my wife asked me for a divorce and as I thought about my past it all came together. It hit me that in the last 35 years I never fantasized about women. Always men or memories of men. Since I was getting a divorce anyway, I didn’t think looking at porn was a problem. So I started watching and there was little interest in women. But then I saw it. A Vagina that was spread completely open. And I was repulsed to the point where I couldn’t believe I ever went down there. That was the turning point.

But that’s not all. I’ve always thought of myself as feminine inside even though few people would expect that given my outside demeanor. I’m a bottom, I like to be thought of as the “girl” in the relationship. And lately I’ve noticed something else. When I look at an attractive woman and notice something about her like her legs, what I think about is that I’d like to have legs like that. I look at a woman’s physical features in the same way another woman would. I have an overwhelming desire to look pretty and sexy. I dream about wearing a dress and being desirable to men. Masculine men. I shave my legs and wear shorts and lip gloss and nail polish in public and I often dream of presenting as a woman. I want breasts. In fact, if I could afford the surgeries (including facial feminization surgery) I’d probably transition now even though I’m in my mid 50’s. (clicked on the wrong year in my profile.)

So with all of this evidence, I’m guessing I’m trans.

I’ve never talked to anyone who’s experienced feelings like this. In fact I've never discussed these feelings with anyone.

What do you think?
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Bender » 9 February 2019, 08:21

Hi, welcome.
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby mxguy01 » 9 February 2019, 21:26

Well first the disclaimer, no qualifications here to answer... But the couple things you say like wanting breasts and other female like features sounds like a real possibility. Others have mentioned thinking being trans because simply having the feminine feeling but not expressing more of the "need" to change physical features as you have.

Late or not, things are what they are. Better to deal with it than not at all. In my area there are places you can go, run by community centers and such, that you can discuss it with others. I'd also suggest counseling if you feel you want to have more of a profession opinion.

Welcome to the forum.

There's a suggestion form like thing if you want to do more of an intro at https://www.gayforum.org/introductions/don-t-know-what-to-say-new-member-questionnaire-t31/
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Vertical » 9 February 2019, 23:15

A Vagina that was spread completely open. And I was repulsed to the point where I couldn’t believe I ever went down there.

So you want to be a woman but without a vagina? You seem to believe that the less attractive you find the female body the more you are a women. Never heard of lesbians?

It hit me that in the last 35 years I never fantasized about women. Always men or memories of men.

So I started watching and there was little interest in women.

I dream about … being desirable to men.. Masculine men.

So you want men, which is called androphile. This adjective doesn’t change when your sexual orientation changes from homosexual (male – male) to heterosexual (female – male).

I dream about … being desirable to men.

I have an overwhelming desire to look pretty and sexy.

Many gay men spend a lot of time in the gym only for that purpose.

Masculine men.

Many gay men want masculine men.

I shave my legs and wear shorts

and nail polish in public

Many gay men do that.

I want breasts. In fact, if I could afford the surgeries (including facial feminization surgery) I’d probably transition now even though I’m in my mid 50’s.

I often dream of presenting as a woman. I want breasts. In fact, if I could afford the surgeries (including facial feminization surgery) I’d probably transition now even though I’m in my mid 50’s.

Here you see yourself definitely as a woman; playing the feminine role as a man doesn’t satisfy you. I think that reading trans forums offer you the wealth of information that you are looking for.
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Taylor Graison » 10 February 2019, 02:26

Vertical wrote:
So you want to be a woman but without a vagina?

Never said that. I don't think I'd mind having one at all. I just haven't thought about it as much as the other things I mention. Remember-- I'm just now starting to figure some of this stuff out. I've never talked to anyone who's had the same feelings I have. Glad I found this forum and people who share some of the same feelings.
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby void30 » 11 February 2019, 08:36

I'm like you except I want to behave/present myself feminine but look physically masculine (with no body/facial hair).
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Eryx » 11 February 2019, 14:26

I'd recommend you go to a psychologist and talk about how you feel and what you think. They're the professional that can really tell you what's going on. We're all just gay guys talking about stuff here. None of us are really qualified to confirm where you land on sexuality and gender.
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Brasileiro » 11 February 2019, 14:35

You not only want to be a woman, but attractive to men.... Be aware of the fact that if you transition, you can only be the best female version of yourself. You do not suddenly become some goddess because of some breasts and something done to your face.

It is well possible you are trans, but it could be something different.

A gay forum is not the right place to find answers.

You can find gender specialists and you could sign up for a trans forum or a LGBT forum to find people who understand better.
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Taylor Graison » 11 February 2019, 20:08

Eryx wrote:I'd recommend you go to a psychologist and talk about how you feel and what you think. They're the professional that can really tell you what's going on. We're all just gay guys talking about stuff here. None of us are really qualified to confirm where you land on sexuality and gender.

I'm not really looking for definitive answers here. Just people who have or have had the same types of feelings. The signs are there, I just want to meet fellow travelers.
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Re: I think I'm Trans.

Unread postby Eryx » 11 February 2019, 20:56

I see! I'm sorry, but I don't think there are many of us here who have gone through the same thoughts. This forum is inclusive and I'm pretty sure most of us would be happy to see all of the LGBT umbrella sticking around, but the vast majority of active users are gay men rather than trans folks or lesbians (we do have a few of them which is awesome, though!).

Personally I've never felt like being overtly submissive or wear feminine attire, so I can't really relate. You do you, though! What's most important is to feel the most comfortable possible in your own skin.
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