just a guy looking for gay friends

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just a guy looking for gay friends

Unread postby vinnie the poof » 29 June 2020, 06:37

Hi y'all! I'm new here, from California. You can call me Vinnie (the name of my second-grade crush lol). I'm 21 and very gay, but not exactly out OR in the closet. Although I've unconsciously been aware of my attraction to guys since like eighth grade and was a nonconformist of a kid, I didn't come out to myself until this past year. It's been the most grueling albeit enlightening year of my life. Besides struggling with a number of mental health issues, I'm a non-denominational Christian born and raised in the church... so basically, a walking contradiction. I don't mean to disparage on happy gays who've found a tolerant faith / faith community -- I personally just haven't been able to reconcile the two, or relinquish one or the other.  Both are core to my identity.

The hardest thing has definitely been not having anyone to talk to, or really trust. Both my parents and a handful of people in my life (all religious, unfortunately) know I like guys, but I've never actually said the words, "I'm gay," out loud, to another person. Thankfully, my parents aren't trying to "fix" me, though I think they're secretly hoping I'll fall in love with a girl and get married and have babies, even if I continue to mostly like guys. But I don't want to be straight or bi or pan. I want to be me. On the plus side, I've started seeing a new therapist, and he seems accepting; I'm building up the courage to spill my guts to him.

A bit about me... I'm a hardcore student. Whenever people ask me what I'm going to do when I graduate (next year), I say I'm going to stay in school for as long as I can. Staying busy / achieving is my biggest coping mechanism. I'm also an artist: I love to write creatively, play piano, sing (by myself or karaoke). I'll eat sweets until I'm sick, criticize movies, browse clothes (aka check out the models). I hate traveling because I'm too attached to home; yes, I'm an introvert.

It feels good to say this. Looking forward to being here! If you ever want to chat, I'm a good listener :)
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Re: just a guy looking for gay friends

Unread postby Eryx » 29 June 2020, 14:08

I mean, I'm gay but I'm still a Brazilian translator, lover of beaches and waterfalls, and into programming. Being gay and saying that to people hasn't really taken away anything else that I do with my life. The fear that coming out as gay or identifying as such will make everything else in your life unimportant is a myth. Some people might act that way at first, but very quickly those close to you will realize that it isn't really that relevant.

That said, I think having the ability to confidently tell people whether you're gay, bi or pan or whatever is important for your self-confidence and your identity as a whole. Don't use a label if you don't want to, but if you're guy who only likes guys and hooks up with guys, you're going to be perceived as a gay man, and you have to able to accept that rather than antagonizing it. After all, people can't just magically figure out your queerness, and they'll jump to the most reasonable conclusion.

As for faith, I understand the US is more plural when it comes to that, and there are a lot more people without a religion, so it's a bit different from here, but you can rest assured there are plenty of gay guys who are religious and practicing without a problem. If you consider being Christian so important for your identity, you can definitely find different groups and denominations who have moved past the homophobic rhetoric. Maybe that could be healthy even for your parents. I personally preferred to back away from it, because my problem with Christianity goes further than simply being homophobic.

Welcome to the forums, and I hope you like it here!
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Re: just a guy looking for gay friends

Unread postby ThatNomad » 29 June 2020, 15:25

Hi there, Vinnie! Welcome!

I want to say I fully agree with Eryx on the faith front. Especially here in the U.S. there are tons of resources for people of faith who happen to be part of the LGBT community. If you are having trouble finding them please, feel free to reach out to me via PM and I would be happy to assist. I know of quite a few I could point you towards.

Also, it's nice to see another creative writer! That's awesome. I do collaborative creative writing online in sci-fi simulations as a hobby. It's my biggest pastime besides reading.

I am glad you joined us here, and I am glad to hear you are taking steps on your path to self-discovery and fulfillment with your sexuality. It's a good road, even though it can sometimes be a tough one, but I think you'll find it to be quite a good journey!
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Re: just a guy looking for gay friends

Unread postby René » 30 June 2020, 15:56

Hey Vinnie, welcome to GFO! :keke:

What sort of music do you like to play on the piano?
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Re: just a guy looking for gay friends

Unread postby vinnie the poof » 30 June 2020, 18:46

René wrote:Hey Vinnie, welcome to GFO! :keke:

What sort of music do you like to play on the piano?


Classical! But I've never received any formal training; I just started teaching myself with the dorm piano once I got to college... and relied on YouTube and muscle memory. Piano's always been my favorite instrument, so once I heard Clair de lune and had a piano at my disposal, I went from there. I've tried pop music, too, which I can sing to, but classical is much more fun to play.
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Re: just a guy looking for gay friends

Unread postby René » 30 June 2020, 19:05

vinnie the poof wrote:
René wrote:Hey Vinnie, welcome to GFO! :keke:

What sort of music do you like to play on the piano?

Classical! But I've never received any formal training; I just started teaching myself with the dorm piano once I got to college... and relied on YouTube and muscle memory. Piano's always been my favorite instrument, so once I heard Clair de lune and had a piano at my disposal, I went from there. I've tried pop music, too, which I can sing to, but classical is much more fun to play.

Nice! I like to play a lot of Chopin and Beethoven myself :)
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