NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

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NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

Unread postby dhevel » 29 August 2019, 12:11

Although a little hesitant, here I go. I am an older married white male, who has been living a lie most of his life. I was in the military and have worked in a very conservative environment. Yet, unbeknown to them, I am a progressive liberal, an extreme atheist and want to see the LGBT movement thrive in this country. I have one encounter with another man several years ago, but it sticks in my mind like it was yesterday. It felt so natural and right. Yet, as an older man, I realize that perhaps my time has passed. However, I do have one goal remaining and seek serious advice. I have a young grandson who I want to see become gay. I believe that gay men are much happier and are able to be open about who they are. I simply do not know how to start the persuading process. His unenlightened parents are Catholic and would be against it. Yet, it is my dream for him to be gay. Am I wrong for desiring this and if not, how can I do this for him?
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Re: NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

Unread postby Eryx » 29 August 2019, 12:34

Yeah, it's wrong of you to desire this for him, because it's his life, not yours. He gets to decide what he wants to do relationship-wise and with his life in general. You choosing his path, be it related to sexuality or any other area, would mean that you're doing the same to him as was done to you.

Also, you can't persuade someone into becoming gay. He either is or isn't, nothing you do will change that.

Your grandson doesn't have to be gay to be happy and open about himself, he needs to be raised on values that let him be exactly that. If happiness and openness weren't a priority in how he was brought up, then it will be harder for him to look for that in his own life. Even if he is gay, that isn't any guarantee that he will be a cheery person eager to come out of the closet.

Finally, it's never too late to go after new experiences. If you feel like you'd want to enjoy some time with another man before you go, take steps towards that and try it again. You won't have any time to do that after you're gone.
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Re: NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

Unread postby dhevel » 29 August 2019, 14:31

My concern is that he will be shielded by his parents from LGBT exposure. If he isn't exposed to information, how can he make a decision? I just want him to at least have the opportunity to freely explore other options. Regardless of what he does, I will always care for him.
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Re: NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

Unread postby Stephen68 » 29 August 2019, 15:57

Yes it is wrong for you to desire this it has to be your grandsons choice and his choice only in this day and age there is advice everywhere in the lgbt community
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Re: NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

Unread postby Eryx » 29 August 2019, 17:13

There's the internet now, if he's gay he'll know where to find people like him on his own. Just like you did.
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Re: NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

Unread postby mxguy01 » 29 August 2019, 17:49

Yes it is wrong for you to want for several reasons. First it is as wrong for you to want to influence someone else's sexuality as it has been done to you in your past. Secondly you should not be wanting to live vicariously trough your grandson in this. Third, your past experience will not be his. This is a different world (thank god says this atheist) than the one you (or we) experienced. Then next generations even more so. If you really want to
see the LGBT movement thrive in this country
then I suggest an different avenue.
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Re: NEW AND NEEDING ADVICE

Unread postby Spacekitty » 13 September 2019, 16:12

I honestly had to read this twice. After the first time I thought I might have misunderstood something. I feel a bit weird about the whole intro. I would advise you to be careful about it all. If you have a distinct inclination the boy is gay and he's struggling to deal with life - completely different story. But from what I understand it's more a situation of you want him to become something he very possibly isn't. Either you are gay or you're not. Pretty much all you can do for any child on such a subject (and probably most subjects) is to reassure them that they are always safe and must strive to be their best self. Not the best copy of anyone's dream life. We can't life your dream through other people. This can easily turn into a tornado and you could be seem as grooming a minor (if he's still underage) if it comes to light that you yourself is gay. I want to believe you intentions are good, so that said - be careful, be extremely careful. You could be blowing up your own world here...
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