One of a throuple

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One of a throuple

Unread postby t20 » 29 April 2021, 16:37

Hello, all.

My name is Thomas.
I am one of three in a happy, committed relationship.
The other two had been together for 6 years before I met them. And we have all been together for 5 years.
I will not get into the full story of my being, but I grew up in an conservative Christian home and am now in a polygamous relationship.
Need I say more?
My reasons for reaching out to this forum is for genuine conversation and insights from those who have blazed the trails ahead of me.
Considering my home life and somewhat lack of a gay support from an elder, I feel as if I have no one to talk to or ask questions regarding relationships in general, but specifically those who understand polygamy.
It is it's own creature, that should be respected like the wild animal that it is, but it is the most tender and compassionate of all when cared for correctly.
#1 is strong, independent, and I suppose you can say head of the house. He is selfless, determined, and stops at nothing to provide and protect. It is very difficult to have him show affection or emotion, yet he is tender hearted to the underserving and animals.
He is also the oldest.
#2 is also strong and very independent. Very submissive to avoid conflict, but much more affectionate physically, but has no real concern for those who get in his way and can become a bridezilla if pushed beyond his capacity.
#3, That's me, strong willed and stubborn, but am an emotional wreck and desperately desire affection. The youngest of us all. We all want to feel loved, to be wanted. It can be difficult as times when neither of the others are particularly prone to show it. Part of our journey is learning that each of us show our love in different ways and it may not be as we expect, but it is always there.
With that being said, I suppose this is beginning to go into the sexual context now.
#1 is very dominant. The alpha. The top. You want him to just subdue you and control you with his strong arms as he holds you. But his limited display of affection doesn't hold. Not cold, but distant. The lone wolf.
#2 is pure bottom. Wants to be subdued, but when pushed, will respond with kink and aggression. Yet it is physically awkward for him to show physical affection such as holding hands or kissing in public.
#3 I am such a vers it's not even funny and it can be a struggle to feel as if my own interactions with each of the others is fully fulfilling to them. I love to give, to please. I get pleasure from pleasuring them. I am the one who will offer head without reciprocation, but that is not something that has happened to me since we've been together. Whenever we all are able to have sex together, we do make sure that we all get off.
Writing all of this out makes me feel extremely selfish and carnal, but I am also still learning myself and my sexuality. I was a virgin until I was 26. Judge away. So there is a lot to unpack and explore. I am insatiable to a fault though.
I do not feel as if there is any disassociation with me being the 3rd, and the other two do not do a lot with each other paired, so I am not an isolated piece.
But, my first question in this group will be related to #1. As #2 is very submissive in the bedroom, my role is clear. We have had great and passionate love making.
I feel submissive to #1 and do not take the dominant role as I allow him to be lead and subdue me to elevate his masculinity.
With that being said, I am not shy to say I am the power bottom and will take initiative to ride him and build him any way that I can.
He does bottom for me occasionally, but I have recently come to the idea that he may be more the submissive in the bedroom. I would could potentially do us both a great benefit if I take the dominant role with him. If he is constantly leading and taking charge in the daily grind and work field, then he would be less likely to want that responsibility in the bedroom.
I know the best way to work through a relationship is to talk, and I will talk with them both, but do you guys see any inadvertent dangers in approaching him in this way in order to not emasculate him? Granted, I'm not talking BDSM or humiliation, I just don't want to show any disrespect or sense of belittling him as a man or head of the house.
Make sense?
Thoughts?
t20
 
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Re: One of a throuple

Unread postby RenĂ© » 29 April 2021, 17:41

Hey Thomas, welcome to the forum! Glad to have you with us!

t20 wrote:I am one of three in a happy, committed relationship.
The other two had been together for 6 years before I met them. And we have all been together for 5 years.

I'm part of a throuple/triad too :)
My husband and I have been seeing a guy together for more than a year now.

Congratulations on 5 years together! That's wonderful :keke:

How did you all meet?

t20 wrote:My reasons for reaching out to this forum is for genuine conversation and insights from those who have blazed the trails ahead of me.
Considering my home life and somewhat lack of a gay support from an elder, I feel as if I have no one to talk to or ask questions regarding relationships in general, but specifically those who understand polygamy.

Since you say polygamy and polygamous, do you consider yourselves three-way married? (The customary terms are generally polyamory and polyamorous, though polygamy could be used to refer to a marriage(-like) relationship.)

t20 wrote:I was a virgin until I was 26. Judge away.

I don't think anyone here is going to judge you for that! Nor should they.

t20 wrote:But, my first question in this group will be related to #1. As #2 is very submissive in the bedroom, my role is clear. We have had great and passionate love making.
I feel submissive to #1 and do not take the dominant role as I allow him to be lead and subdue me to elevate his masculinity.
With that being said, I am not shy to say I am the power bottom and will take initiative to ride him and build him any way that I can.
He does bottom for me occasionally, but I have recently come to the idea that he may be more the submissive in the bedroom. I would could potentially do us both a great benefit if I take the dominant role with him. If he is constantly leading and taking charge in the daily grind and work field, then he would be less likely to want that responsibility in the bedroom.
I know the best way to work through a relationship is to talk, and I will talk with them both, but do you guys see any inadvertent dangers in approaching him in this way in order to not emasculate him? Granted, I'm not talking BDSM or humiliation, I just don't want to show any disrespect or sense of belittling him as a man or head of the house.
Make sense?
Thoughts?

One of the great things about polyamory is that you can explore greater versatility in dynamics with different people while staying within committed relationships. Nothing says #1 has to be dominant all the time with both of the rest of you. If he were to feel like being submissive makes him less of a man, then I would say he's insecure and it's probably not a healthy relationship to begin with. He shouldn't feel belittled any more than you should. Anything that is okay for you to do and experience is okay for him and vice versa. It shouldn't reflect (self-)worth or status.
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René
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Re: One of a throuple

Unread postby t20 » 30 April 2021, 14:07

Hello.
Nice to meet you and thanks for having me.
I met them due to some upholstery work they needed done.
I had owned my own shop for 7 years and got called for an estimate. One visit changed my life and the rest just developed over time.
We knew each other for about a year after that. I had done a few jobs for them before an open hand to the relationship was extended.
They never have said if they really needed the other furniture recovered or if it was just an excuse to see me again. ;P

We are not officially married, but we do view ourselves that way.
The usage of the word was more out of ignorance on my part to he specifics in the variations.

Haha, yeah, I have learned after my coming out that judgement only comes from myself when I lose respect for myself.
I wasn't hiding from others. I was hiding from myself.
The world is a beautiful place when we see ourselves for who we are.

I do agree, and I do not feel as if there is ever limits to ones sexuality and desires. We each have different physical and emotional needs that change every day.
Maybe I'm more concerned with how I would feel than him. Trying to differentiate between a sense of control and power over the other without relinquishing the hierarchy of the relationship. Like, yes sir during the day, but you're my bitch at night.
I'm an over thinker, obviously. Maybe that's the way I feel and I'm afraid of feeling it. A fight for power. I do feel challenged by him at times. As if I have to be a "yes sir" to keep the peace and not seem as if I'm challenging him. There are times I have felt my input and opinion aren't necessarily regarded, but it's more in the sense of trusting his judgment and allowing him to lead. I don't want that position. I need someone to rely on and look up to. The dynamic of the three of us is amazing. But when it comes to the bedroom, I want more, I need more. It is a self serving attitude. I know I haven't painted a perfect picture of all this.
Perhaps I'm answering my own questions by thinking this out loud.
t20
 
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