Open relationships / Wanking

New to the forum? Make an introduction and tell us about yourself!

Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby Ant54hony » 30 September 2019, 12:02

Ok so a brief background on our relationship.

We have been together 10 years. We decided to have an open relationship a couple of years ago after quite a few infidelities on his part during the relationship.

We had some Basic rules-

1, Not to meet another person more than once.

2, to be completely honest if we do something.

3 Nothing to happen in our home.

4 only to use Grindr to find people.

5. Not to engage in personal or prolonged chat/ “just go online to find someone to go and meet and do something with, not to use the app as a Socail network chatting to people on a daily basis.

6 not to take phone numbers or personal contacts.

Ok so they are some of the basic rules, last year I was involved in a bad car accident, I was a passenger and my partner was the driver, I fractured my spine in several places and deal with a lot of pain on a daily basis. Currently awaiting another operation and am on very high opiate pain medication which totally reduces my sexual libido. Another reason I have advised him he can use the app and go meet someone.

It’s not something we frequently, I rarely do it, I think once in the 2 years where as he has done quite a bit more.

So my issue is : My partner went into Grindr last night, while laying next to me in Bed. I had fallen asleep and he was talking to guys in a sexual manner for quite a while, he was also playing with himself and starting wanking talking to these people while I was asleep next to him.

For me I think this is crossing a line, I think that it’s disrespectful to do that, specially in our bed and specially when I am asleep next to him.

Am I right for being upset and annoyed or should I not really find this a problem ?

He doesn’t seem to think he has done anything wrong which surprises me....

Opinions please ????
Ant54hony
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 30 September 2019, 10:32
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby IanSaidHi » 30 September 2019, 12:48

Ant54hony wrote:We decided to have an open relationship a couple of years ago after quite a few infidelities on his part during the relationship.


..this was only just prelude to your story yet I think it reads volumes. I get a vibe that you are perhaps less invested in this whole open relationship situation to start with but have made compromises to keep your relationship together? I mean I may be wrong but it sounds like you’re not happy with this setup in general?
User avatar
IanSaidHi
 
Posts: 395
+1s received: 290
Joined: 5 April 2018, 17:25
Location: West Midlands
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby Ant54hony » 30 September 2019, 14:39

Yes he is definitely more invested in it than I am as he has a much higher sex drive than I do.

I had my accident 18 months ago and for pain reasons and also medication that wipes out my sex drive we only actually currently do stuff maybe 3 times a month. When I have had my operation and come off my meds I imagine I will get my sex drive back.

I don’t expect him to just hardly ever have sex specially with how long I have been like this and the fact I’m still not sure when my next operation will be.

I obviously don’t love it but I’m fine with him occasionally going and meeting someone just for sex, as long as we stick to the rules around it as I said in the previous message.

I think when he can go online and arrange to meet someone away from the house as agreed it’s disrespectful and rude for him to be laying in our bed chatting to people and jerking himself off while talking to these people, specially as I am laying right next to him and the fact that I was asleep too makes it feel even more weird.

The open relationship and him going out and doing something isn’t a real issue.

I just find what he did in our bedroom while I am sleeping is uncalled for, rude and disrespectful or am I being over dramatic. ??

I think there is a big difference between those things ??
Ant54hony
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 30 September 2019, 10:32
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby IanSaidHi » 30 September 2019, 14:45

I suppose at the end of the day, if you are unhappy with what happened and he isn’t then yes, there’s a bit of an issue.

You need to talk with him and either create new rules or be prepared to compromise even more.
It does sound like you give him a lot of leeway though, I mean I get you are being considerate about his needs during your recovery but even before the accident it sounds like you were agreeing to things to make him happy.
User avatar
IanSaidHi
 
Posts: 395
+1s received: 290
Joined: 5 April 2018, 17:25
Location: West Midlands
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby Ant54hony » 30 September 2019, 15:14

Yes I agree with you, I have given him a lot of leeway during our relationship and specially at the start.

I haven’t actually discussed how I feel about this situation with him yet as it only happened last night and based on the fact we are in an open relationship with the kind of rules I said I’m not really sure whether I should be annoyed with what happened or whether I should really expect that kind of thing.

It’s not something that’s happened before and either way it’s definitely annoyed and upset me but I think what I’m trying to do is try and get advice maybe from someone who is in a situation similar to see if they would be annoyed with what happened or if they would think I’m over reacting.

I think briefly speaking to someone online and going away from the home to do something that is allowed in the relationship is ok.

But I feel to be speaking to multiple people on an app and jerking yourself off in a bed you share with your partner and when they are asleep is something I shouldn’t have to tell him I’m not happy with.

I mean of course I will do, but surely most people would think that’s not really a nice thing to do ?

I think I’m looking for reassurance that I should be pissed off, or to be told actually what he did would be expectable under those terms.

I can’t work lot if I should be feeling annoyed or whether I just do ?
Ant54hony
 
Posts: 3
Joined: 30 September 2019, 10:32
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby PandaBoo » 30 September 2019, 15:17

Oh my gawwwwd, you really cannot control yourself, can u?

I have seen ducks with more honour and dignity. :facepalm2:
Please note the message above was written by a troll who has since been banned.
-The Management
PandaBoo
 
Posts: 64
+1s received: 4
Joined: 28 September 2019, 21:06
Location: West Midlands, UK
Country: United Kingdom (gb)

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 1 October 2019, 05:47

Ant54hony wrote:I mean of course I will do, but surely most people would think that’s not really a nice thing to do ?

I think I’m looking for reassurance that I should be pissed off, or to be told actually what he did would be expectable under those terms.

I can’t work lot if I should be feeling annoyed or whether I just do ?


I agree with Ian, you are being very considerate and giving him a lot of leeway. In short, you are allowed to be upset by this. You both agreed on certain rules, so they should be respected and followed. The key word here is "agreed". It wasn't a matter of you laying down the law and he had better abide by it or else. Personally, I'm a guy who always tries to avoid conflict so I'm not going to suggest how you address it etc. However, what I can tell you is that if you just leave the whole thing and let it fester, it will snowball into a much bigger issue that you will have to try and rectify later on, which may be even more difficult than having a conversation about it now.
User avatar
kenzie_matt
 
Posts: 199
+1s received: 67
Joined: 25 September 2019, 12:59
Location: South Africa

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 October 2019, 22:55

Ant54hony wrote:Ok so a brief background on our relationship.

...

For me I think this is crossing a line, I think that it’s disrespectful to do that, specially in our bed and specially when I am asleep next to him.

Am I right for being upset and annoyed or should I not really find this a problem ?

He doesn’t seem to think he has done anything wrong which surprises me....

Opinions please ????


I stuck out asleep because that does not matter. What if you woke up should have been his concern and simply taken it elsewhere.

My opinion is that you are spot on. You've been entirely reasonable, practical and obviously you would do a lot for him. While I can't judge much more from lack of all the details, it sounds like he is either incapable returning the same to you, or simply uncaring to do so.
---
I love to travel but hate to arrive -- Albert Einstein
---
The only thing worse than an Did Not Finish (DNF) is an Did Not Start (DNS). ~~ Me
---
It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. ~~ Chinese fortune cookie
User avatar
mxguy01
 
Posts: 4429
+1s received: 2120
Joined: 23 October 2017, 23:12
Location: NorCal
Country: United States (us)

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby kenzie_matt » 2 October 2019, 05:57

Mx is totally right!

Have you given more thought to any of this as yet?
User avatar
kenzie_matt
 
Posts: 199
+1s received: 67
Joined: 25 September 2019, 12:59
Location: South Africa

Re: Open relationships / Wanking

Unread postby Dtebislut218 » 6 October 2019, 07:36

Honestly monogamy doesn’t work you should’ve got in on it or even got them over, if I ever get in a relationship it will be open like I want company not boring, and all guys cheat so least he done it in front of u and hey maybe you might enjoy it, if he’s compatible for you two like my friends vers and his bf is only btm so he loved real cock but like he said he’d rather do it with his bf riding him at the same time and I’m hoping he can convince him lol and Grindr has saved my life today first two days on and already have at least 10 guys nudes and a mature couple that I’m guna drive 2 hours for next weekend to be in the middle of their mature cocks at they’re beach house 15 mins from a nudist beach and they’re my fav places to go have to lay on my belly though lol and pretend pics are selfies lol guna finally man up now I’ve had one and do it outdoors early morning on a towel and not care who sees me that far away and they don’t apparently either from the pics of them in public fucking makes me jelly, like just make him jealous get wild hell either love it or get scared and stop but honestly just get one over as long as he’s not huge and show him it’s shit compared to you it’ll work or get a hung guy and make him watch you have fun lol that’s what I’d do instead of sooking anyways and if ya need someone lol I’ll volunteer
Dtebislut218
 
Posts: 9
Joined: 6 October 2019, 06:15
Country: Australia (au)


Recently active
Users browsing this forum: CommonCrawl [Bot] and 82 guests