A guest that may have stayed too long

Ask questions and discuss your relationships with partners or parents, family or friends.

A guest that may have stayed too long

Unread postby Bltalon » 11 June 2019, 19:44

Hi all, this is my first post. To start off, I'm 52 and my husband of 2+ years is 48. We live in the Northeast and have been together for 12 years. The relationship has been pretty decent, but over time the sex has dwindled and we've had our share of stress from the business we started up 8 years ago. A little over 2 years ago we took in a 33 year old guy (we'll call him Mark) to give him a place to stay while he got back on his feet after being in a 16 year relationship that ended very bad to the point where his ex boyfriend had a bad coke problem, was a serial cheater (likely throughout the relationship) and used the law to set up Mark and have him wrongly convicted. Apparently, Mark and his ex had competing restraining orders against each other. After a really bad episode where his ex beat him up and kicked him in the head, Mark ended up homeless. He had no family or friends to turn to. Mark's ex found him on the streets and begged him to come home (big mistake). Things went ok for about a month, then all hell broke loose. Mark said that his ex came home one night after being out for a while and passed out naked on the bed. Mark then checked the ex's underwear and there was cum in the ass area. Mark was angry and woke the ex up and punched him in the face for it. The ex then proceeded to beat Mark again, this time breaking a rib, his nose and locking him in a room. The ex then called police and said he had not seen Mark in almost a year and he broke into his place and he had to defend himself. The ex lawyered up and Mark was prosecuted for violating a restraining order. He got 1 year in jail, 2 years probation. Mark only served 30 days and started probation, but he ended up violating the probation because he met a guy from out of state who offered for him to come live with him. That didn’t work out, so Mark ended up coming back home.

When I met Mark he was living in a motel with no money left and ready to kill himself as he felt he had nothing left to live for. I offered him a home, a job at my business and that he wouldn't be alone. After he told me his story which included an abusive childhood, then an abusive long term relationship, my heart went out to him and I felt the need to help him. After Mark moved in with me and my husband, he started working at our business. The problem came in when he was meeting up with his ex boyfriend for 2 hour lunches to hook up with him. On top of all that, the ex was supplying him with little Ziploc bags of pills including Gabapentin, pain killers and other assorted pills. Needless to say Mark was falling asleep at times on the job and we soon realized it wasn’t going to work out with him at our business. Mark started dating different guys and on one date he almost died from an overdose of pills and alcohol from a night of drinking. That night he came home at 3am in a cab, still in a hospital gown. Apparently the pills made him think he could drink a lot and he ended up projectile vomiting in the bar and passing out outside. We were told that he aspirated and almost died. After that incident, his drug abuse got worse to where he didn’t come out of his room. We pushed for him to get help and he refused, saying he would find a one on one therapist on his own. One morning Mark and my husband got into an ugly exchange to the point where I had to call police. Mark was taken out of our house and was in jail for about a month, awaiting trial for violating his probation.

When Mark finally faced trial for his probation violation, the court gave him another chance to get back on probation. But the stipulation was that he have a home to go to. His lawyer (who I paid for) asked if we would take him in. Reluctantly my husband and I took him back into our home. Since then I have helped him get health insurance, food assistance and Social Security Disability for his mental health diagnoses. We have also paid for his food, clothing, medical marijuana and anything else he has wanted. Basically, he is a spoiled 35 year old man. He doesn’t get much money from Social Security, but it helps a lot with paying for his medical marijuana and other expenses. We get nothing from him for rent and his food assistance of $197.00 per month only goes so far. The big problem we’ve had with him has been his disrespect at times and verbal abuse. Mark and my husband really don’t like each other and last night there was a huge blowup with me and my husband against him. Mark and my husband had a really nasty exchange where they both said a lot of crap about each other. He even told my husband to hit him. Mark is extremely moody and can be volatile and nasty at times. He has helped us organize and clean our home, but it has been thrown in our faces a lot. Plus he has made changes or hung things up on the walls without discussing anything with us first. My husband hates the disrespect and at this point wants him out. I’m feeling the same way now because I feel enough is enough, but things today were still very hostile from Mark, trying to make me feel guilty and that I lied because I promised he wouldn’t be homeless again. How can this all end soon without continuing conflict?
Bltalon
 
Posts: 2
Joined: 11 June 2019, 18:39
Country: United States (us)

Re: A guest that may have stayed too long

Unread postby Iamjava » 11 June 2019, 19:56

tl;dr version wouldve been nice. have you considered evicting him?
Iamjava
 
Posts: 313
+1s received: 69
Joined: 27 May 2019, 21:42
Location: florida
Country: United States (us)

Re: A guest that may have stayed too long

Unread postby Bltalon » 11 June 2019, 19:58

Sorry about it being a long story....I think I may have to go through the eviction process to get him out for real.
Bltalon
 
Posts: 2
Joined: 11 June 2019, 18:39
Country: United States (us)

Re: A guest that may have stayed too long

Unread postby Iamjava » 11 June 2019, 20:08

it would be a step in the right direction. it also would let him know youre serious.
Iamjava
 
Posts: 313
+1s received: 69
Joined: 27 May 2019, 21:42
Location: florida
Country: United States (us)

Re: A guest that may have stayed too long

Unread postby Eryx » 11 June 2019, 21:13

One can only go so far to help others. You've done all you can and he hasn't given it the importance it deserved. Time to start focusing on your life again. Before this seriously strains your relationship.
Image

Image Image

You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.
— Harlan Ellison
User avatar
Eryx
 
Posts: 1661
+1s received: 717
Joined: 20 December 2012, 21:48
Location: Belo Horizonte, MG
Country: Brazil (br)

Re: A guest that may have stayed too long

Unread postby Jryski » 11 June 2019, 21:27

Throw him out! He's a problem but hes not your problem.
User avatar
Jryski
 
Posts: 241
+1s received: 110
Joined: 6 May 2019, 10:00


Recently active
Users browsing this forum: acpro, CommonCrawl [Bot], Karbon, Poisson, Seznam [Bot] and 11 guests