Advice on Situation with Guy I’m Seeing

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Advice on Situation with Guy I’m Seeing

Unread postby hemingway1 » 11 August 2022, 13:49

Hi everyone! I’m looking for some perspective and advice on how to move forward with a guy I’m seeing. I guess some would call it a “situationship”. Any advice would be appreciated!

I’ve been seeing a guy since May. We have gone on several dates, he has met my friends, and we have slept together a few times. I like him and I’m interested in continuing to see where it goes. I’m looking for a relationship and I told him this last week. He will be moving next May, so 8 months really, he is in a residency and has to give 3 years back to the military. He doesn’t know where he is going yet, and told me he likes me and a relationship is a goal for him. The issue is he doesn’t want to put pressure on getting into a relationship especially if he doesn’t know where he is going. I let him know I understand. I’d actually be okay with this if he wanted to continue talking to me long distance. A lot can change before May. I guess I’m just conflicted because it makes me wonder why he would want to continue to pursue something with me if he knew this all along?

Also, one of my friends saw him on Grindr last weekend, and I did ask him about and said I know we haven’t talked about being exclusive. He let me know he opens it by habit and he isn’t seeing anyone else.

His parents were in town last weekend and he told me we could talk about being exclusive more and the conversation about the relationship. He made it seem like he would plan something with me. Well it’s Thursday and he hasn’t planned anything, should I be the one to do it? I’m just worried and don’t want to push him away.

Also, last night I sent him a sexual text, which I’ve done time to time. He didn’t even respond, so it made me feel like I shouldn’t haven’t sent. I texted him this morning that I was sorry for sending it and I care about him way more than all of that. He is extremely busy with his residency so I spend a lot of conversations and text just supporting him. He still hasn’t responded to my text from this morning.

What should I do from here? I’m conflicted, do I back off and give him space or do I just be myself and continue to be there for him? I don’t want just a friendship with him, I want more than that.
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Re: Advice on Situation with Guy I’m Seeing

Unread postby ChristopherT525 » 11 August 2022, 14:20

It's sounds like you're at different places in the relationship. The way you write about him, he seems laissez-faire about the relationships and happy to go where life takes him. You sound like you are wanting confirmation of what your future is going to be sooner than he wants to or can reasonably make it. If you are struggling with the emotional risk perhaps the uncertainty of where this person will be in your life is too much of a toll. If you're comfortable letting it be what it is and pursuing other relationships to, then perhaps there is something that can continue between you both even if it is sex and friendship, or in three of four years time may be more. If it's certainty you want, the only person that can give that is you and it means making your own future with whatever decision you need to make for yourself.
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Re: Advice on Situation with Guy I’m Seeing

Unread postby hemingway1 » 12 August 2022, 13:10

Thank you! I really appreciate it. Yeah I’ve been thinking and I’m truly okay letting it be what it is. I’d rather have him in my life and it may not look like how I want it right now. I think since bringing it up he seems to have pulled away a bit, so maybe I need to step back too and give him space. Honestly it’s hard for me to do but it gives me time to go back without expectations, if he is still open to it.
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