Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

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Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

Unread postby anonn » 19 April 2021, 23:21

I'm dating someone that I'm loving so much, we are almost the same person, we agree on everything, we like the same things, both of us are picky eaters and still we love almost exactly the same food, we both chubby and cute, both closeted, both have the issue coming out, both aren't the typical gays and know nothing about being gay and we both shy.
It's actually crazy how many things we have in common while we both kinda weird... we are literally almost clones...

But we have 2 giant issues:
1. We hate going outside.
2. We are boring and not really talkative.

We tried gaming which we both love but there are no good couple\coop\multi games that we like...
We basically have a long-distance relationship while living pretty close to each other (we can't even meet at my place nor his place because of our parents)

We both want to be more with each other but we are bad at starting and driving conversations, we just want to be in bed all day together doing nothing... (which will be amazing but we wont be able to do that for a long, long time)

What can we do to be less boring?
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Re: Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

Unread postby Marmaduke » 20 April 2021, 06:51

Make the effort. That sounds dismissive, but it’s really all that needs to be said. A relationship needs effort. You’ve got to put the work in. If you don’t want to make the effort, it’s going to fail. You clearly realise that.

“We both hate going outside?” Why? If you’re both agoraphobic, that’s one thing. If you’re both being lazy, that’s another. If this relationship isn’t enough to motivate the pair of you into some degree of action, it’s going to fail and you’re probably better off ripping off the band-aid and calling time on it now.

Lockdown restrictions are easing. Right now, as in as you finish reading this and before you do anything else, text him. Be up front. Tell him you want to see if this relationship can actually work and if you two are actually capable of putting in the effort. Tell him you’d like to hang out in person by the end of the week, find a day that works, do something social. Try and let him pick, but if he’s gonna be that lazy about it then have an option in your back pocket. Somewhere social, we’re not sitting down for a three course meal that you can bury your attention in and not talk to each other. An ice cream place, or similar? Great. A video game store? Great. It doesn’t need to be some great event, you just need to be there together.

If, when you’re there, you feel comfortable and contented and happy to be there, great. That’s what we’re looking for. Even if there’s no conversation, that might not be something that you two need to work together, but there’s gonna need to be some degree of presence and it’s not hard every once in a while to make the suggestion and go do something or be somewhere together.

If you’re constantly ill-at-ease, feeling like you should be talking, or he should be talking, and you can’t get past it, or you feel like it’s only you making the effort to get past it, or that you just wanna get out of the awkward situation as soon as possible and go home? Then you and he need to have a pretty frank and adult discussion, because I’m at a loss as to what it is that’s holding you two in a romantic relationship apart from both being gay and similar. You’ll be better of being best friends than boyfriends.
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Re: Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

Unread postby Eos » 20 April 2021, 08:03

In my opinion the real issue is the fact you both live like it is a long distance relationship.
No one can tell if this can work if you don't even try to live somewhat together.

Are you both bored when together ?
If so this might be an issue.

You think it's cool you're both closeted, but in my opinion it is going in the way of your relationship so I don't see it working if it stays that way.

Although it is nice to be alike, I also am not surprised that you are bored if he is a clone of yourself.

I am shy myself, more of a listener than talker, and I once met someone really shy. Let's just say it didn't last long it was really boring for me to be with him.
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Re: Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

Unread postby anonn » 20 April 2021, 10:04

@Marmaduke thing is we do enjoy each other but we hate being outside and it's the only place where we can meet...
But most of the time we are just texting which make it really hard to keep the conversation alive, so we disappear every now and then.
We meet like once a week and we both want more but we cant and we are holding a back because we are in a public places and don't want to attract attention...
Also we are living in an extremely homophobic place and we arean't mobile...

I really want to put the effert into it I just don't even now how...
Last edited by anonn on 20 April 2021, 10:10, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

Unread postby anonn » 20 April 2021, 10:09

@Eos we kinda have to, we can only meet like once in a week in a public place and we very much enjoy each other, we are bored only when texting which is the majority of the time...

We very much wanna be our self and not closeted but we are way too shy and the environment is very homophobic so it's not even an option in the short run...
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Re: Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

Unread postby Eos » 20 April 2021, 21:57

I'm sorry this is a difficult situation indeed.
I'm guessing there is no way or plan for any of you to move from here ? I'm guessing that since you both live with your parents you can't have your own place ?

It is the only solution I'm seeing to improve your relationship.

Temporarily, you can go to vacation together (if the situation allows it in your country) but I'm not seeing this situation to go any better if you can't leave together for now.

I don't know your country, but I'm guessing you can't have help from associations ?
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Re: Afraid to lose my (possibly only) soul mate

Unread postby anonn » 20 April 2021, 22:30

@Eos we cant pay for that and we can't ask for help from out parents without coming out to them :\
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