Am I being overly concerned about my husband's porn habits?

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Am I being overly concerned about my husband's porn habits?

Unread postby Ninfreak14 » 9 September 2020, 15:37

Hello, I am new here. I have a bit of a dilemma, I have a lot of backstory in here, but eventually get to my question near the end lol. So my husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 4. Over this long period, there has been some infidelity on both sides, but nothing in the past couple years. Let me first give some background: I am 30 and he is 32, we met in college. We wanted monogamous relationship and about 9 years ago I discovered (via going through his laptop) that he was skyping with some guys and I was not okay with that, we discussed it and he said he wouldn't do it again. Then about 7 years ago I cheated (physically) with someone. Once again, we discussed and moved on. We used to like to send pics/videos on snapchat during our intimate times to some other guys, and they would send dick pics and whatnot. I was okay with that since we were doing it together, but then I found out he was getting dick pics just sent to him (via going through his phone). It always starts a fight because "i went through his things." Anyway, he will say, well i never replied or sent any back and i didnt want them. To which I ask why he would save them then?? He always comes up with a weird reason. So anyway, we have been in marriage counseling for about a year, which kinda helps with communication. And we set up official "rules" for our marriage. We both want to be monogamous and that includes dick pics, flirting online, etc.
I've asked him several times why he watches porn fairly often/masturbates, and he will say well we dont have sex much anymore (I'm on some meds that lower my libido). And I always tell him that if he was to initiate or let me know I would probably get turned on and love to be intimate! But he still seems to just watch a lot of porn and jack off, which I am okay with to some extent, I mean, I even jack off and watch some porn, just not as often. He also tries to hide when he does it.. I will be watching TV or something then go look for him and he has the bathroom door locked and I hear porn and stuff. Then I ask what he's doing and he just mutes the video and says going to the bathroom and completely denies, even when I said I heard noises.
SO, now to address the current issue (sorry for such a long post).
He left the computer up with his email the other day, and when i was going to log out of his account and into mine, I noticed that he had emails from Reddit. I was like, whats this about? He doesn't have a Reddit?? So i looked it up, and apparently he watches a lot of porn on that. Okay, whatever, we already discussed I'm okay with him watching some porn. What concerns me is that he also is quite active and comments on stuff. Is it just me or is that weird to be commenting and posting on porn videos/pics? Some of the comments: "I have waited a long time for you to post a video of you cumming... and it was absolutely worth the wait! Yummy!" "The tough decision is, where should all the cum end up? Inside me? Inside you? Or all over both of us?" "Be sure to capture video evidence to share ;) " "I would love to see a video of this meaty cock cumming"

Is this normal? It really bothers me that he is interacting like this. And he would never talk like this to me, in fact he never does. It is really bothersome, but I dont know what to do because if I bring it up, he will know i looked at his stuff, even though I didnt purposefully "snoop" to find stuff. Any thoughts?
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PostThis post was deleted by René on 9 September 2020, 19:39.
Reason: Spam

Re: Am I being overly concerned about my husband's porn habits?

Unread postby Ninfreak14 » 9 September 2020, 20:02

How is this spam??
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Re: Am I being overly concerned about my husband's porn habits?

Unread postby René » 9 September 2020, 20:11

Ninfreak14 wrote:How is this spam??

You misunderstand. Clearly your post is still here. :)

The deleted post was one a spam bot made in your thread as well as several other threads, linking to (apparently) "an unforgettable show for adults".

The deleted-post notice simply marks where it used to be. It has nothing to do with your preceding post.
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Re: Am I being overly concerned about my husband's porn habits?

Unread postby Ninfreak14 » 9 September 2020, 20:21

René wrote:
Ninfreak14 wrote:How is this spam??

You misunderstand. Clearly your post is still here. :)

The deleted post was one a spam bot made in your thread as well as several other threads, linking to (apparently) "an unforgettable show for adults".

The deleted-post notice simply marks where it used to be. It has nothing to do with your preceding post.


Ohhhh. Sorry! Thanks for the explanation lol
:)
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Re: Am I being overly concerned about my husband's porn habits?

Unread postby Jryski » 9 September 2020, 20:49

Hmm it seems like he prefers porn over you based off of what you’re describing? Perhaps talk about this with your marriage counselor? This is a bit out of my area of specialty.
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Re: Am I being overly concerned about my husband's porn habits?

Unread postby René » 9 September 2020, 21:33

I've been sort of on the other side of this. It wasn't that I preferred porn over my husband as such. It was more like... my libido was too low to interest me in engaging in actual sexual activity, but not too low to interest me in watching porn and jacking off, if that makes sense? The threshold for the latter is much lower. It takes much less energy/effort/arousal/whatever than actual sex.

Part of the problem I think is that porn provides a sort of instant reward that you don't have to work for at all. You can pretty much see whatever you want whenever you want. When you suffer from low libido in this way, having sex provides some of that reward, but it's too much work. A lot of it is a chore, which isn't outweighed by the magnitude of the reward. I could watch porn anytime and enjoy it, but that should not be mistaken for a high sex drive.

Your husband's issue might not be the same as mine.

Anyway, for me personally, the solution involved some medications and supplements that increase my libido and help me be ready more of the time (I'm a bottom), all of which reduce that threshold for actually having sex. Now I'm horny all the time to the point where my husband has trouble keeping up with me for a change, and I only watch porn and jack off occasionally, when he's not in the mood and/or we've already had sex in the last 12 hours or so, hahaha. :D
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