Am I happy?

Ask questions and discuss your relationships with partners or parents, family or friends.

Am I happy?

Unread postby Hev » 13 October 2021, 22:04

I'm a woman, who is currently in a 7 year long relationship with another woman. I discovered I was bisexual at around the age of 17 when I got my first girlfriend and have only been In relationships with women. Had sex with a couple of men but just flings.

Recently I've been thinking, am I happy in this relationship? Nothing has happened that would make me want to end it, but I just can't shake the feeling that maybe this isn't going to last? As I have only been in relationships with women I've been feeling that maybe I should explore a relationship with a man....

Part of my issue I think could be stress related, there has been a lot going on this past year, not just the pandemic but new jobs, and buying a house etc. But I feel that my partner is both making me better and supporting me to be more successful but also holding me back in life.

I also feel as though my girlfriend doesn't find me attractive anymore. When we first got together our sex life was great, then it dwindled, as almost all relationships do and I never really minded that...At one point I thought I was Asexual because I never wanted to have sex. Now, I feel like I do want to have sex but just not with my girlfriend??? I'm not sure if it's just because she doesn't seem to be interested at all but I've been ( overthinking) everything. Do I just see her as a really good friend that I have a close connection with now and not as a romantic partner??

I'm really struggling to get my head around it all. I feel as though I'm happy enough in the relationship but maybe I could I be happier? Is that enough to end the relationship we have or is it just a phase and it will pass?

I thought that maybe I just wanted to be with a man because it would be 'easier' but lately I've been thinking that if even be happier with another woman. I don't want to lose what I have because we are great together, but I'm finding myself thinking about being with other people ( nobody specifically) more and more frequently.

I know this was a long post but I really need some help/ advice/ insight.
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Re: Am I happy?

Unread postby pozboro » 13 October 2021, 22:54

Welcome to the forum!

Reads like someone's got a case of the Seven Year Itch. Besides that, it sounds like you have a mostly successful relationship but like everyone, you have some doubts. And there's the added Bi component of how it might be different with a man.

My first reaction is not to jump ship - you have no idea what you'll find going forward. I'm sure I don't have to say much more than the grass is always greener ...

If you've got a good thing going - and it sounds like you do - then look to making it better. Every relationship goes through rough patches but it doesn't particularly read like you're there, just questioning because of some weak areas.

Have you tried talking with your partner about your concerns? Can't really provide much more 'advice' than that since I don't know you or your partner, but being able to address the concern seems much more expeditious and secure than throwing it all away and starting over with a new person (you still have to find).

Wishing you the best!
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Re: Am I happy?

Unread postby Eos » 14 October 2021, 19:18

I agree with pozboro, I think you can definitely find some ways to improve your relationship with her. Especially concerning your sex life.

You know she might want more sex as well, you'll never know until you talk to her.
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Re: Am I happy?

Unread postby Hev » 14 October 2021, 23:55

Thank you for your replies.

The seven year itch. Ahhhhh.

I think what you said mirrors what I was thinking deep down anyway but it's nice to have that extra opinion from someone else. It's definitely a case of overthinking.

Talking to her is difficult sometimes as she tends to shut down when talking about 'difficult' topics or she will be relatively emotionless most of the time. I think she struggles to voice her feelings a lot so she pretends she just doesn't feel anything because that's easier for her.

But you are right, I need to talk to her about it properly. I don't want to lose what we have because we really do fit together well in so many ways.

Honestly, thank you so much. It's just nice to talk my feelings out and get some perspective so I appreciate it.
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