Am I making her situation worse?

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Am I making her situation worse?

Unread postby dynamicdoggo » 6 April 2020, 00:09

My friend, from time to time, sometimes feels a bit more down (than everyone else) and I always let her know 'I'm there for her, 'you can talk to me' etc. She's not the one to talk about stuff like that (usually) and that's cool. She bounces back all the time.

Today, she messaged me on Insta saying how she 'hates everything and can't maintain friendships'. But, then deleted it seconds after, I saw it and messaged her straight after. She said she changed her mind and didn't want to talk about it. That's why she deleted it. I said after 'I was worried'. Then she replied with 'Please just leave it, I'm fine'. :| :| So, Idk, I just kinda feel like shit. I didn't mean to come across as annoying. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

I've always been the person to ask if their okay twice. But, I feel like this has worked against me and I've just been annoying her with this every time she is like this. I'm worried she and my other friends think I'm overbearing or annoying.

She's far away in a different city rn so I can't really do much. Even, if I could there is a lockdown.
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Re: Am I making her situation worse?

Unread postby erti » 6 April 2020, 00:30

Just let her know she can come to you if she’s is feeling down. Leave it at that until she opens up more. Try not to force it because it puts her in a situation she may not feel comfortable with.
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Re: Am I making her situation worse?

Unread postby InternetShrink » 6 April 2020, 04:38

dynamicdoggo wrote:My friend, from time to time, sometimes feels a bit more down (than everyone else) and I always let her know 'I'm there for her, 'you can talk to me' etc. She's not the one to talk about stuff like that (usually) and that's cool. She bounces back all the time.

Today, she messaged me on Insta saying how she 'hates everything and can't maintain friendships'. But, then deleted it seconds after, I saw it and messaged her straight after. She said she changed her mind and didn't want to talk about it. That's why she deleted it. I said after 'I was worried'. Then she replied with 'Please just leave it, I'm fine'. :| :| So, Idk, I just kinda feel like shit. I didn't mean to come across as annoying. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

I've always been the person to ask if their okay twice. But, I feel like this has worked against me and I've just been annoying her with this every time she is like this. I'm worried she and my other friends think I'm overbearing or annoying.

She's far away in a different city rn so I can't really do much. Even, if I could there is a lockdown.


First of all, wanting to help someone is a very good trait to have. That proves just how caring and empathetic you are. Kudos, never
change that helpful nature. The problem is that it sounds like she doesn't want or need help. You've already offered support, she doesn't want it, so unfortunately you have to do the hardest thing you can imagine at the moment. You have to let her suffer through this..

No, it is not easy. I'm talking from experience. And I wish I could tell you something else. But this is the harsh reality. You've done all you can. You offered your support, she rejected it, now you have to accept the fact that you can't do anything. How does this make you feel? If it hurts you, and it should, because you are a caring person, use that as your motivation to let her get through this on her own. Offer your support but only offer it once if she doesn't want it.

Maybe she's a very neuotic person. Just because she's depressed doesn't mean she needs "saved".

I've been in your shoes more times than I care to count. Learning and accepting that I can't help everybody was one of the hardest things I ever did.
That'll be 500 bucks.
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Re: Am I making her situation worse?

Unread postby PopTart » 6 April 2020, 07:42

I'd say its okay to offer help and then, just to get the message home that your not just saying it, reiterate, are you sure I cant help somehow? Close that off with reassurance that, if she ever changes her mind, your there for her.

You dont need to, and probably shouldnt press. Like Shrink and Erti said, if she wants help, it must be in her own time.
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Re: Am I making her situation worse?

Unread postby Frigid » 6 April 2020, 15:42

It’s hard, but unless she’s threatening to hurt herself or someone else, you’ve done your part (she’s an adult with capacity).
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