Anxiety About Messing Up Great Connection

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Anxiety About Messing Up Great Connection

Unread postby hemingway1 » 29 August 2018, 02:11

I need some advice on how to deal with anxiety and overthinking in this situation.

A few months ago I went on a date and I felt like it was one the best dates I've ever been on. The conversation flowed well, we had a lot in common, and I felt like we had an instant connection. At the time we never made it to a second date because the following week he had to move from being 1 hour away to a city about 3 hours away for a job. I was bummed about it. We kept in touch on and off and then we reconnected a few weeks ago and we both talked about how much we enjoyed our first meeting.

This past weekend he invited me to come to his birthday. I went, had a great time, and met some of his best friends. One friend told me that he said our first date was the best date he has ever been on, he likes me, but is worried about the distance. She told me I should play hard to get though, which I feel like I am not good at. His another friend, gay best friend, told me the same thing about our date and that I need to be assertive and go for it. I know they both know him well, but it made me feel like I wasn't sure what to do?

I really like this guy, I had a great weekend with him and slept over (no sex) because I want more than a hook up. I felt like I had somewhat of a guard up though and he could sense that. We have texted, but I would like to see him again. I just feel like sometimes he just wants to text and I am worried he will pull away if I come across too interested or needy? I think the friend that kept saying play hard to get made me worry. I am not a good texter either.

What would you do in this situation? I wouldn't want to miss out on something because I am keeping my guard up, when all I really want to do is have that same connection and see him again.
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Re: Anxiety About Messing Up Great Connection

Unread postby PopTart » 29 August 2018, 17:17

Yeah, this is a difficult one. I would say that being that both friends, while giving conflicting adive, both had the same thing to say about his enjoyment of your date and his interest in you.

Do you feel you know him well enough, that you could be upfront about your quandry? I understand how difficult it can be, having this great connection, that suddenly becomes tenuous and awkward, because you can't really get the chance to be natural with one another. It can introduce a litany of obstacles, both real and imagined and not knowing what the other guy is thinking, makes it even harder and the likelihood of misunderstandings ahppening, increase.

If you are able to put it to him, that you really enjoyed that date, and was hoping, he did too, but you had some uncertainty, about if it would go so well a second time, because of distance and other things, you might find he expresses having had the same misgivings.

I think, doing what you think, or feel, is right, is the best approach. Just be prepared not to jump to conclusions, don't rush in too fast (that can open a whole can of issues on it's own) but don't hide the way you feel about him. I think, being open is the first step, really, to getting to know someone and letting that guard stay up, while protective, doesn't always allow you to really get close to the people you want to be close with. Thats always a shame and no recipre for long term happiness.
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