Any risk factors with this guy?

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Any risk factors with this guy?

Unread postby dogdad91 » 27 January 2022, 04:57

I've been dating this guy for a couple months, he's handsome, fit, smart, funny, and really loving. Also he can really read a room and can intuit the thoughts behind my words before I even realize it sometimes. We're very opposite people but also very complimentary, and have great chemistry. He's slept with tons of guys before we got together, but we're monogamous, mostly for my sake.

A defining moment was in December when I had arranged for him to join me and 2 friends for cocktails before going clubbing; one friend bailed and the other was only able to reserve us a table for 2 in a crowded bar (it's saturday night, he's picky about bars, and didn't want to have to wait anywhere). One drink in, I remembered to mention who was joining us, and my frd insisted that I tell him to join us at the club instead, because they knew each other from a darker time in my friend's past, and he didn't want to harsh the vibe. That moment, my date phoned and with my friend giving me the dagger eyes I stupidly complied. I couldn't throw my frd under the bus with him watching, so in a panic and at my frd's direction, lamely insisted that the bar is too full, which in hindsight was a slap in anyone's face. If I wasn't an idiot, I would've texted the actual reason immediately after.

An hour later he showed up unannounced, (later explaining that he somehow sensed that I was under duress lol and would've wanted him to come). It looked terrible because he came right after the bar emptied out a bit, and realizing how fancy/romantic the place is, figured that I was "cheating" on him with my friend. We were so engrossed in conversation that we didn't notice him enter, and he watched us from the bar, fuming. At some point he decided to just troll us by pulling up a chair, and was surprised that my resulting panic wasn't that of someone caught cheating, but rather with hint of glee. The awkwardness didn't last since he's so smooth and charming, but with my friend present, we couldn't fully clear it up until later that night. But man I'm so glad that night happened the way it did, because it really showed how much he cared.

Sometimes it gets a bit exhausting though, because he's an extreme extrovert and has some kind of dependence on human interaction, whereas I actually enjoyed the Covid lockdowns at the beginning lol. We hang out Fri-Sunday every weekend, often mid-week as well. In between he'd call every night for least an hour each time (sometimes 3 hours).

Maybe because he's so good at knowing what everyone is feeling, he's also very sensitive, but is self aware enough to not blame me when he gets hurt from my various blunders in speech. My unfiltered brand of honesty also happens to be endearing to him, so he's conflicted about it. His mood can change within a matter of hours. One evening, he was sullen and rude during a 7pm call, but was upbeat by 9pm, and we talked till midnight. Another evening, he basically fled my place with barely a word after sensing that I wanted to sleep and have him go home. He was correct, but I thought it was immature that he couldn't end the evening on a pleasant note. He's also very sensitive, with some body image issues; at various times he is bitterly hurt that I don't care about asses or dick size, since he has both a huge dick and a muscular ass (I appreciate his face and body more overall). The problem is his actions and state of mind are so utterly ruled by his emotions (a heart space kind of guy), whereas I'm super logical about everything. It's almost like a repeat of my ex, minus my ex's anger issues lol.
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Re: Any risk factors with this guy?

Unread postby pozzie » 27 January 2022, 09:25

can't decide between congratulating or bitch-slapping you for bragging so much. :rofl:
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Re: Any risk factors with this guy?

Unread postby dogdad91 » 21 February 2022, 08:14

Well I do want a stable relationship lol, not a high-school roller coaster ride. He gets emotional really easily... like, he's perfectly fine when we're together or with other people, but when he's alone, he'd get upset at the most trivial annoyance, such as a line-up at a store, being hungry, a traffic jam or having to refund something, will really wear him down to the point of having to phone someone - usually me - to vent. A couple of times, we'll make plans for, say, the day after tomorrow, then later he decides he can't wait that long to see me and wants to hang out tomorrow as well, then gets upset that I'm not available tomorrow, to the point that when I try to cheer him up by reminding him of our upcoming date, in his depression he'd say something like "we'll see", which I'll stew on for a few minutes before phoning him to make sure he didn't mean it, resulting in him crying in shame at being so needy, though we always end on a good note. Basically he reacts unwisely to fleeting feelings to the detriment of his actual wants/needs. It's an ADHD thing that he's well aware of, but we've been getting better at managing it.

I've met his mom on video calls before, but am pretty excited to meet her next weekend for dinner and a symphony orchestra; apparently she really likes me already based on everything he's told her, unlike his ex whom she took a disliking to immediately. He's told me tons about her; she's basically a wealthy hippy who shuns status as much as I do, pranks her son routinely, allowed him as a kid to watch TV only if she's around to check that he's thinking critically about what he's watching, and raised him to have compassion and see all people as having valuable things to learn from. Sounds like the perfect parent.

I did a horrible thing earlier... when his phone had a glitch today he used my phone to show me a conversation on his Instagram . Later, I didn't log out and instead went through ALL of his messages. He has a LOT of love to give, more than I can reciprocate sometimes, but I wanted to make sure I was still the only recipient lol. Indeed he was quite the slut right up till around the time we met, and had ambiguous/flirty messages with long-time lovers/acquaintances shortly after as well, but was squeaky clean long before we became official. He was increasingly gushing to his friends about me, so it was such a relief that I didn't basically ruin everything Black-Mirror style
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