Asexuality

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Asexuality

Unread postby luffyboy » 6 September 2020, 03:29

Hello people, I am not 16. Can a mod changed it to 99 or something because I don't like to reveal too much personal information.
But, my boyfriend is both bisexual (more like pansexual) and asexual. Very shock to find out that he was very uncomfortable with touching before. Though there are moments he enjoyed it but for the most part it makes him uncomfortable.
I really like him and want to make this work. I met him in the military. To be honest, at first we just thought of each others as straight.

I think he also doesn't like labels. It isn't because he is in an edgy phrase. But his value of individual liberty and I guess labels put a constraint to it.

I also suspect that he is on the autistic spectrum.

So if anyone is asexual and or autistic, can you give me some advices of how your relationship is like?
To be honest, I am like a dog and constantly need affection. But I had change myself so much to be with him.
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Re: Asexuality

Unread postby luffyboy » 6 September 2020, 16:22

It is nice that the mod send me a pm that I cannot response to but. I don't know how to hide my age. There is no such setting in the option. To be honest, I just want some advices. This had becoming too much of hustle. I gonna just pose the question elsewhere.
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Re: Asexuality

Unread postby aqpt » 1 December 2020, 16:12

Hi there!

Tell me something, is he aware of his"autism" ?
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Re: Asexuality

Unread postby Gavvers » 1 December 2020, 16:35

As someone who is both on the autism spectrum and grappling with whether he's asexual I'll take a crack at this one. Some asexual folks are much less sex-averse than others and it sounds like that is the case with him if he enjoys sexual intimacy from time to time. I think it is super important to allow him to control the pace here and be explicit that you're doing that; speaking from personal experience in romantic relationships I am terrible at picking up on social cues and such so they would often think I was down for sex when I was...very much not. Patience is key if you're serious about making things work here, though if sex is something important to you it may be worthwhile to discuss nonmonogamy as an option? Unsure about your comfort level with that but with my last partner I gave him the go-ahead to sleep with other folks since I knew I wasn't really capable of satisfying those needs but was very happy with the emotional/romantic component of the whole thing. All about being communicative and setting up clear boundaries, though again if it is not something you'd be willing to experiment with that is totally cool too!
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