Asked My Straight Best Friend on a Date

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Asked My Straight Best Friend on a Date

Unread postby InternetShrink » 16 December 2020, 20:12

I have this friend, we’ll call him Aaron. I met Aaron back in health class a few years ago. I was 17, he was 14 about to turn 15. I’m 21 now, he’s 18. I remember the first time I saw him walk into class. Ripped skinny jeans, red spitfire (skateboard company) hoodie, white vans, and he was carrying a skateboard. He walked past me and sat by his friends. Way out of my league, I tell myself. So after the teacher introduced herself, she had us all do one of those “people scavenger hunts” where you go around finding people who’ve done certain things and then have them sign it off. I’m like, “Great, I always suck at this stuff.” So at some point in the scavenger hunt, Aaron and I crossed paths. I don’t think he saw me so I tried to get his attention. “Hi,” he hears me and turns around. He gives me the most genuine smile I’ve seen in my life. He greets me and asks me what my name is. Ever since then, we’ve been pretty good friends. We’ve had our ups and downs, but who doesn’t? Anyway, I’ve developed a crush on him over the summer of hell. He truly is a positive influence in my life. He’s taught me so many valuable life lessons. Last month, I finally had the courage to ask him out. I figured it couldn’t hurt. Man, I was wrong. He literally won’t talk to me anymore. He’ll heart my comments on his insta, but he’s still ignoring all of my texts and messages. I did pry enough to get him to tell me why he’s ghosting me, though. He says it’s weird to be friends with somebody who has a crush on him. He said he’s not homophobic, but can’t be friends until he knows I’m over him. So, what do I do? I don’t know how to remove my emotions for him while remaining friends. And I really, really, want to be friends with him. How can I let go of him as a crush while keeping him as a friend?
That'll be 500 bucks.
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Re: Asked My Straight Best Friend on a Date

Unread postby Marmaduke » 16 December 2020, 20:41

Hey, welcome back.

This one is easy. If you want to keep him as a friend, then as far as he knows, you’re over him. Never again will there be so much as a hint of romantic interest. Chalk it up as a symptom of being locked indoors with nothing to do, fist bump like bros and move on.

The actual feelings? Those you’re gonna have to bottle up for a while and trust that, as with all good lies, the longer and move convincingly you sell the story, the more the story begins to become indistinguishable from the truth. You’ll get over him. It’s just he’s gonna think it happened much quicker than it did.

And always remember, it’s the basic tenet of advice we’ve always given in this community; the phrase “my straight friend” has a clue in it that signals likelihood of homosexual romance ever being a reality. Don’t gamble friendships on long shots.
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Re: Asked My Straight Best Friend on a Date

Unread postby InternetShrink » 16 December 2020, 20:54

Thanks!

And trust me, I'd rather be his friend than chasing after an unlikely fantasy. But, it's like I'm obsessed with him. He's my dopamine rush. Whenever I see him post something on social media, I'm happy. Whenever I don't, well, I'm depressed as I was the second before. It's stupid, I know. But he's the only thing that makes sense to me in this fucked up world.

I want to know how to detach my obsession from him.
That'll be 500 bucks.
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Re: Asked My Straight Best Friend on a Date

Unread postby René » 16 December 2020, 21:06

Welcome back from me as well. :3

It will take time. I've found that meditation can be helpful, as well as focusing on other things (e.g. games, books, TV shows, other friends, this forum).

Good luck! :hug:
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Re: Asked My Straight Best Friend on a Date

Unread postby Severelius » 16 December 2020, 21:11

As someone who has had a crush on way more of my straight friends than I care to admit to over my life... time is the answer.

The old 'time heals all wounds' turns out is pretty true.

Nobody's saying it'll be easy. And the time it takes is impossible to predict. Might be a small while, might be a very long while. But there is no quick fix to just suddenly not liking someone any more.

Occupy your time with other things, give the friendship a bit of breathing room and eventually the obsession will lessen until it's barely even there, and then if my own experience is anything to go by one day you'll look back at it all with a fond dose of "what the fuck was I thinking?"

... or maybe that's just cause my friends are typically pricks...

Either way, you get the point.
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Re: Asked My Straight Best Friend on a Date

Unread postby Jryski » 16 January 2021, 18:26

I think he’s helping you tbh. He didn’t want you to feel lead on and put you through all that hassle of pining for someone when he knows he can’t reciprocate your feelings.
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