Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

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Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

Unread postby Ams26 » 31 October 2022, 13:25

A few weeks ago, I' ve met someone that I fell for the moment I saw him. I' m in this social group that would be equivalent to what Americans call a fraternity, and every year new boys and girls are added to our friend group. He' s one of them. I really fancied him a lot, especially when someone told me that the interest was mutual. As we spent quiet a lot of time together, I was already making plans in my head for making my move, until someone, to my big disappointment, told me he said openly he had a boyfriend. After feeling a bit down I tried to move on but I still had a weird feeling about him and his bf as it seemed like something was off (I' ll come back to the that in a second).

Last weekend we were all on a trip and a girl that knows him better than me asked me whether I was interested in him. My response was: 'he has a boyfriend' when she answered: ' He doesn't have a boyfriend, he is just ashamed of his fling.' Excitement filled my body, as now it seemed like there was an opportunity again. However, when asking someone else about it, she told me he had just the day before told her a different version of the story: He indeed didn't have a boyfriend, but he was dating with someone for a long time AND had a fling with someone.

The big question for me now is whether he is available or not. I simply don't know. Here is some thoughts:

- The reason I already felt that something might be off was because the guy he was supposed to have a relationship with, and he is now allegedly dating, really really seems like just a regular friend to me. They have this picture on instagram with another girl of like two and a half months ago and it just does not make sense to me you would post a picture of someone you are dating with which is still not your boyfriend two months later. Also, he took the guy and the other girl on the picture to some official event where most people take their parents. Taking your boyfriend would be normal, a date would be a bit inappropriate.

- When he was asked 'are you single?' he claimed he wasn't. That worries me. I'm now 99% confident he doesn't have a boyfriend, but they could be close and already exclusive. Its guessing, but claiming you are not single when you only have a ' fling' ? doesn't make sense. Then you are just single, so for him to claim he wasn't seems like a bad sign. At the same time, both versions of the story I heard contains a fling and either way, it seems weird you claim to not be single because you are dating with someone very seriously, but still have a separate fling on the side. If it were to be that serious, why have a fling on the side?

I know this is speculation and anyone reading this doesn't have a definite answer, yet, I have some experience in the past with young gays acting all akward and vague so my hope is anyone recognizes some parts of this and could give me his or her best guess into what is going on. My hope is of course that the first version where he is ashamed of his fling is true. The boy is 18, at that age insecurity can be big so it wouldn't surprise me. That would mean there is not anyone right now I really have to worry about and I can go make my move and see whether its true he is into me. There would be no rush. My question to anyone reading this is, is this something recognizable? Saying you have a BF when he definitely hasn' t got one seems weird to me, in either version of the story.

Finally, I consider just going to ask him directly what the situation is. I feel like when I do that, my interest in him is probably very obvious. Therefore, I consider just telling him I think he is cute. I don' t have much experience with this, therefore I am insecure whether it is the smartest thing to do to be honoust about my interest in him. Is that tactical or too honoust? We are in the same friend group now, so I also don' t want awkwardness to arise between us. Maybe I imagine it, but I do feel like there is this tension between us. Its what my gut tells me.
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Re: Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

Unread postby Rambunctious05 » 10 November 2022, 22:21

Go with what your gut is telling you. When you are able to be alone with him, tell him you are interested in him. Listen to what he says in his response. Everything else is what you heard from other people. Take him at his own words to you directly. If you like his response, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter what other people said. If you still have any questions about him after he responds to you, only then you ask him about what the other people told you.
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Re: Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

Unread postby Ams26 » 11 November 2022, 16:27

Thanks for your reply. Its hard at the moment to judge whether he likes me from hia behaviour to me, so I agree I should just make a move and see what happens. I asked the guy who told me earlier about his possible interest in me and it seems quiet plausible that that was/is really the case, enough for me to follow through at least. The frustrating thing is that its really hard to find a good moment for it, but once the moment is there I will go for it. Very scary though.
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Re: Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

Unread postby IanSaidHi » 11 November 2022, 18:28

There seems an easy solution to this - ask him directly? It seems everything is going through other people.. Why not just casually ask him if he is seeing someone. Hopefully you’ll get an honest answer rather than all this speculation from third parties.
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Re: Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

Unread postby Ams26 » 15 November 2022, 11:49

Its a good lesson for the future. I apparently am a bit naive in taking what people say as truth. I shouldn't get so much hope based on other peoples words. This weekend I saw a social media post of him and although I can't 100% tell for sure, I am confident what I saw was proof he's already got someone else (= a boyfriend). I lost hope as a result and thats probably a good thing. Not sure whether I will still ask him about it, I would only do it to confirm what I already strongly suspect so I can move on.
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Re: Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

Unread postby IanSaidHi » 15 November 2022, 13:23

Again unless they are blatantly saying “we’re a couple” in this post you may not know for sure. To be more sure I’d ask him directly if he’s seeing someone. You can do it casually, maybe drop him a message and say something like “Nice photo! Is this your bf?” or whatever you think feels comfortable.
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Re: Boy I like pretended (?) to have a bf, confused

Unread postby Ams26 » 15 November 2022, 13:54

What I saw was a picture laying at the table of a birthday dinner of them kissing. And its the guy that was mentioned to be his bf some weeks ago. As much as I want to, unless they have a really weird friendship, they are definitely a couple. I will ask to know for sure, but yeah, its pretty obvious now,
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