Break up blues

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Break up blues

Unread postby Yeroc2131 » 22 May 2019, 17:49

Hey I've never been on a forum before but I don't know where else to turn for some good gay guy advice. Hopefully someone one here can set me on the right path. So here's the thing this guy let's call him Serious, and I broke up about 2 months ago. I have been thru a lot since then... I graduated from college, I'm getting a new car, a new job, maybe a house. I'm even dating around, there is one or two guys who are really good options. Yet I find myself thinking about Serious more and more as time passes. We broke up because he constantly made me feel horrible about myself and was overconfident to the point of annoyance. He would constantly belittle my experiences and opinions and make it seem I was the problem. That I was in my head making shit up. Finally we were having dinner after getting back together again and he freaked out during dinner and said he was taking me home. That if I was going to be how I am then he doesn't want to be with me and he wasn't having any fun and is over me. So we left and ended up screaming and yelling and cussing at each other on the ride home. I finally realized we weren't meant to be together even as friends. We said we'd lose each other's number and never talk again and we didn't need to be friends. After saying All that it may sounds crazy but I still wish I could see him and be with him. No one I've dated since the break up has been on my level like he was. No one has made me feel the way I felt when I was with him. I don't get excited or a bit nervous or horny at all with any of the guys I'm dating. Now Everytime I start thinking about men my mind wanders to him. Wether it be what I wish I had told him while I got the chance or kissing him for the first time. I feel stupid saying this and he is for sure toxic for me but I decided to try and contact him. So I unblocked him but he blocked my phone... I ended up leaving a cringy voicemail about how I hope he's doing ok and is happy and that I've been thinking about him. I even made a blank FB page to look at his profile and his pictures. And I haven't been on social media in years. Should I just let all this go and forget about what we had? I worry no one will ever make me feel like that ever again. I've even been having trouble during sex. Please help what do you think?
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Re: Break up blues

Unread postby Eryx » 22 May 2019, 18:01

The reason you haven't felt the same way about another guy is because you haven't really felt too strongly about anybody else... yet.

Two months is a really, really short time to move on from someone and fall for someone else. There are people who take more than a year to truly forget their past relationships. But it does happen with time and you will meet someone who will make you feel as intensely for him as you did for "Serious."

Think about it for a moment: you said the relationship was toxic, he only brought you down, so he was feeding on your happiness, accomplishments and experiences, making you feel miserable. If that's the trade-off to be with someone you truly love, is living with someone else even worth it? Don't you think that it should be more? That it could be healthy, bring you up and make you happy? That you could have a partner rather than a leech? Because you can. That exists.

Give your heart some time. It's normal to think about him still, you were together for some time and it's really hard to detach from that. We grow dependent and it's a great feeling to have someone to lean on. But he's not the one for you. He'd just make you crazy in the long run and you deserve someone who can actually get you in a good place.
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Re: Break up blues

Unread postby Yeroc2131 » 22 May 2019, 18:06

I think you are right just cu it feels like 2 years have gone by in the course of the past 2 months shouldn't mean I go running back to someone who treated me so terribly. I hope you are right and I can find someone who makea me feel so strongly again. I just hope it's doesn't take years
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Re: Break up blues

Unread postby xeil » 22 May 2019, 19:33

Eryx is right, it has been just two months, it's not that much. I've had a toxic relationship experience, and I can relate to it. Believe me you'll find someone else. Think about how he made you feel. Probably what you are feeling now is related to the space he left in you when you guys broke up. By the space he left, I mean a romantic feelings/partner. Since it's not been that long and you are probably still adjusting to the change (because someone going out of your life is a change), you are feeling the need to fill that space. So you practicaly end up idealising a version of him, basing on the little good parts he gave you, and leaving out the bad stuff. But remember, that is just an idealisation, because it is not really him. It is just a perfect version of him, created in your head.
So, just let him go. You'll find someone. Don't rush to fill up the space, take the time to learn from your experience so you don't end up again with a person who treats you poorly.
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