Break up is killing me

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Re: Break up is killing me

Unread postby Gaycraig » 24 February 2019, 06:31

Thank you all for the really nice comments and advice

Up until a week ago I was starting to feel a little better and getting over it. We’d send the odd text to each other but just keep civil and it was fine as I didn’t feel hated or anything by him.

At the start of the week I noticed on Snapchat (which I don’t use much and didn’t realise we still had each other) he’d posted a few stories which ultimately had one most recent one with his hands interlocked with another guys on his bed and a few heart emojis

My heart felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly and I’ve never felt such a pain. And for a few reasons

Jealousy
It’s obvious I’m not over him yet or else it wouldn’t bother me much. I hate to it admit it but I clearly wish I was the other hand in that scenario. I unduely hate the other person now just for being with him

Feeling worthless
This is in two parts. 1. Why haven’t I found anyone (I know the answer but my heart won’t believe it). 2. How, after 8 years, can he find a new man a few months later. Did I really mean so little to him that he can disrespect me like that? I feel like I was never anything and I feel like I’ve just been forgotten in the past as a distant memory and that is so incredibly painful.

Lonely and desperate
Regardless of him being my ex, I feel so alone. I want to find the nearest gay guy and ask him to hold me so I can feel like I mean something. So I can feel normal again. And loved. I know it’s not healthy to feel so desperate to seek out love ( and I really do mean love and not sex), but it’s the only thing that I feel can make me forget and ease the pain somewhat. I just want a hug to tell me it’ll be okay

I’m sorry to be such a downer amongst everyone so positive comments, but I’m struggling more than I thought I ever would.

Thanks again
Gaycraig
 
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Re: Break up is killing me

Unread postby Eryx » 25 February 2019, 19:34

Nothing wrong with what you're feeling, it's a process. You shouldn't think that he's disrespecting you or didn't have feelings for you. Some people recover faster than others. That doesn't mean his love for you was smaller or that he doesn't care about your feelings, he's just moving forward, like you will with time.

I don't recommend rebounds for falling out of love, you'll probably feel more lonely afterward, especially if the new person doesn't stick around. Give yourself time to heal and find your own center again.
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Eryx
 
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Re: Break up is killing me

Unread postby Gaycraig » 25 February 2019, 19:40

Thanks for the reply @eryx. Appreciate that
In principle he probably did love me the same but because I’m not over him I can’t undertsnd how he is. It’s quite irrational and annoying that I can’t see his point of view but it means me feel so down.

I just wish I could fast forward a year and get through this time. I’m not coping well at all
Gaycraig
 
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Re: Break up is killing me

Unread postby Eryx » 25 February 2019, 20:31

I'm sorry :(
Stick around and talk to the guys here, find some activities to keep your mind off. It always gets better.
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You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.
— Harlan Ellison
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Re: Break up is killing me

Unread postby BlueBoy19 » 25 February 2019, 21:48

Gaycraig,

I am so very sorry for what you're going through. Although I've not been in a serious relationship, I can imagine the depth of your pain, and I hurt for you.

But remember, you do have friends here on this forum, and there have been some very good thoughts and feedback from others.

One thing that I should share with you is this: I once had a nervous breakdown, and looking back, I believe it was mostly triggered by a relationship issue. I was actually locked in a psychiatric ward -- not saying that you will be, just that I can relate to your pain and depression -- but I came through.

This is what I want to leave with you: I once felt as though my world had come to an end, I did not want to live, but it got better, albeit very slowly. But I made it! And you will, too.

We are here for you, friend.

Love and hugs to you!
BlueBoy19
 
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