Check out this gays of our lives drama!

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Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby emgee » 18 June 2019, 03:16

Hello everyone. I am very new here, but have been hovering for a week or so trying to work up the courage to make this post. I am looking for a bit of advice on a situation I'm experiencing with my husband.

A bit of background: we have been together for about 10 years, and married for 1 year. He is a bit of a sex addict (needs to get off 6+ times per day), as well as being into a lot of extra stuff (fisting, beating people up, etc etc). I enjoy sex but don't need it nearly as much as that, and while I'll try a lot of things I don't want a fist in me and getting beaten up is not something I'm into. So, a couple of years ago we decided we'd get thirds to join us in the bedroom occasionally. It worked well, he'd get to do the things he wanted and it turned out watching him do that was kinda hot.....this continued for a year or two.

Around 3 months after we were married the subject of him getting out and banging boys without me was raised. We discussed it, made some rules, trialled it...it was fine. 2 times per week, always safe, never if it was going to disrupt our lives, and he had to go on Prep. There were other rules but those were the big ones.

Around December of 2018 things started getting weird. He'd start breaking the rules, and would always be honest about it, but I found myself continuously relaxing the rules to make him happy/give him more freedom. Until there weren't any rules anymore (Except that he is still on Prep).

February introduced me to my biggest issue with this whole situation. He had started meeting one of his "regulars" for lunches etc, apparently they were now friends. Immediately I had an issue....and said so and to his credit he stopped it straight away and went back to just sex with random strangers.

We get to the end of March and this person makes contact again (I should say, this person is also married). He doesn't want to lose a good friendship and would like to meet me as well. But sex between them would inevitably restart. I demanded a week or two to collect my thoughts, but finally agreed to allow it and meet this person and his husband. If you've read this far you are probably shouting "you fucking idiot" at me through your device :facepalm2: In my defence I had a lot going on, an upcoming surgery, a new job to navigate, my 40th birthday to organise, a holiday to plan....and now this.

So, we all met. They seem lovely. We get along okay. I don't hate them. This could work....

Cut to today. He seems very happy. I've met them a couple of times now, and they're still nice. But I don't feel myself anymore. My temper is very short. He is constantly texting him and other people, trying to organise his next sexual escapade. So far he has brought home 3 treatable STI's (I've been lucky not to get them as well) Due to my surgery in April I haven't been able to have any kind of sex or give him any (probably the reason I haven't brought any of this up with him yet, I don't feel like a good husband atm) My recovery is almost done, thank god. It is open for me to sleep around as well, but I'm not interested in doing so. He keeps reassuring me that this person is no threat to us, but I still feel very lost.

I really want to be okay with this....but everything I'm feeling points to me not being very okay at all. It's so tiring being this down.

I love my husband very much, but I don't feel very loved in return any more.

I don't really know what to do or where to go from here...

:shrug:
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby Iamjava » 18 June 2019, 03:29

i didnt make it halfway through before i thought, "leave him!"

his sexual lifestyle is obviously not yours. the only alternative is getting him sex therapy.
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby Jryski » 18 June 2019, 04:09

I left my ex because of this and another big major issue. Some people just arent meant for you.
Last edited by Jryski on 19 June 2019, 01:54, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby Jryski » 18 June 2019, 04:10

Not the getting beat up and fisting part but the sleeping around part. Its just a bad situation all around when you're not that kinda person and they are.
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby Eryx » 18 June 2019, 12:08

Yeah, I agree and don't have much to add, honestly. I feel like the only way something like this can work is if both people are not very jealous and willing to meet other people with a frequency at least close to an equilibrium. I don't think I'd handle it well.

More often than not, these stories usually end with the SO actively breaking the rules and cheating up to a point where they meet someone else and the relationship is over.
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby mxguy01 » 18 June 2019, 20:38

I got exactly 5 sentences into it before I stopped. And that was the second time around.

Should not have to explain what is self evident. Others already have above but really, learn to make good choices for yourself. Obviously I'm thinking he was a bad life choice from the get go.
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby emgee » 18 June 2019, 21:03

Thanks guys. I think I knew this would be the advice, I was probably just secretly wishing there was a better option. No one wants their marriage to fail. :(

Thank you for your replies.
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby Eryx » 18 June 2019, 21:38

Good luck!!
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Re: Check out this gays of our lives drama!

Unread postby Poisson » 18 June 2019, 21:41

It’s quite easy to say from our end of the discussion, but it feels a lot different when you’re going through it. Personally I don’t think it was that much of a bad choice to give it a try, and as time went by I guess it became harder and harder to think about ending the relationship. It’s clearly the best solution tho, given that you two do not share the same vision of sexuality and that he’s not honest. Do it for yourself :thumbsup:
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