Classic gay liking straight friend, with a twist

Ask questions and discuss your relationships with partners or parents, family or friends.

Classic gay liking straight friend, with a twist

Unread postby justagayboy » 12 October 2020, 01:09

Hello everyone! First time on this forum and I am looking for some advice.
This is fairly long story, but please read if you know these kinds of predicaments and have some wisdom to share! :bowdown:

So my best friend is a "straight" guy, and I'm gay. I like him, not romantically, but probably would if I given the opportunity.

Mark is one of the kindest person I have ever met and my closest friend. I came out to him a few years back when we were roomates in college and have become closer friends since then. He is a complete gentleman to me and always makes sure I am comfortable and taken care of. He listened to all my gay problems when I was starting to come out, staying on the phone for all night if I was depressed or strungling. Absolutely the best friend I could ask for!

A couple of years ago when drunk we went from the bathroom floor (it was one of those nights) to cuddling naked in my bed. It was a group effort, but he definitely initiated it. Mark later apologized and said he did not want to do anything that could ruin our friendship because he has never had a friend like me, and we have not done anything physical since. We've been in our own relationships over time, but they never lasted very long.

Fast-forward a year or so and we started talking and hanging out a lot once again. I realized that I enjoyed talking and being around him much more than even other guys I have dated, probably because he is my bestie. We text all day long whether or not there is anything to talk about, and pretty soon I started having an interest in being something more than just friends. This past weekend Mark came over to party and hangout with me and my roommates for the first time since quarantine started. There definitely seemed to be a bit of chemistry coming from him. Whether that be trying to keep the convo going in situations where others would just be on their phone, staying close enough to continually brush his arm against mine throughout the night, or randomly putting his arm around my shoulder. He's not a very touchy person around his other guy friends beside an occasional high-five or fist bump.

I did invite him to my bed over text when he was sleeping on the couch, but unfortunately he said that he was good on couch. That is a pretty big sign as I practically told him that I liked him at least a little. Normally someone not interested would back off a bit, and I was expecting him to do so as well. But the next morning he was still leaning in to talk to me and sitting right next to me when there were many other options. And he is still texting me just as much as before, checking up with me whenever it has been a few hours since we've last talked.
Oh, and one of his car parts got stolen while he was over. I felt somewhat responsible since I do live in an area known for car theft, so I gave him money for a replacement part. He said he now needs to "buy me dinner or something" next time he sees me. What straight guy would say that to a gay guy that just asked him to sleep together the night before? UUggghhh!! :runaway:

I am still left just as confused. Should I keep on trying for something, or just give up on it and go back to talking with other guys? :shrug:
Posts: 2
Joined: 12 October 2020, 00:07
Country: United States (us)

Re: Classic gay liking straight friend, with a twist

Unread postby dragonfire » 12 October 2020, 02:48

I'd say follow your heart, but listen to your head. He sounds interested, and although it might not be sexual there is definitely something there. Even if you guys just end up as friends and nothing more, sometimes that's okay.

It sounds like he cares about you a lot as a person. That's for sure. Maybe he's not interested in you sexually but is interested in you emotionally. He's known you're gay for a while now and because he's had time to understand all that means, he can probably fend of your advances to some extend but still remain just as close to you emotionally because you're extremely close friends. If that makes sense.

You're not responsible for the car part theft by the way, and maybe him mentioning buying you dinner is him paying back somebody he cares about for giving him money for something he didn't see as their fault. I could be wrong.

I could continue, but in answer to your last question, I think that's totally up to you. You've not been here long and already you're giving advice to other people. So you have a good head on your shoulders. I know it's hard to see situations objectively when you're in them, but I don't think you have to make a definitive decision here.

You could do both, keep trying and talk with other guys if you want to. You two aren't a couple, so you wouldn't be being unfaithful. But it doesn't mean you have to stop exploring your relationship with this guy either, however it turns out.

He could be bisexual and unsure, or he could just be straight and comfortable being touchy around you. I feel like with straight guys there's less of a touching culture, but with gay guys there's no social taboo about showing a little more physical affection between platonic friends and he's possibly picked up on that. But unless you can read his mind, you have no way of knowing the reasons behind his actions.

So basically don't give up, but don't wait around forever either. Also, listen to yourself. Advice on the internet is just advice, and the person who knows this situation best is you. You know this guy. Maybe you just need to work on knowing him a little more. Maybe even be honest and ask him where you both are in his opinion, although I would advise caution just because I don't want to encourage you to do anything to jeopardise what is obviously a great friendship in the first place.

See where things go. And even if you don't end up together, he sounds like somebody you'd still do well to keep as a friend.
User avatar
Posts: 78
+1s received: 71
Joined: 17 August 2020, 02:12

Recently active
Users browsing this forum: chucky84, CommonCrawl [Bot] and 43 guests