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Unread postby MarkyMarkJHB » 7 October 2020, 16:01

Hey all, so my partner and I have been together for 11 years now, Me 48 and him 36, he has recently advised me that he wants to sleep with other men. We have fought many a night over this and it is not for me. With us fighting in the past he told me the other day that he loves me very much but is not sexually attracted to me anymore. We are still living under the same roof.

He once again was open and honest with me saying he needs to get this urge out of his system, and i can fully understand it. But it drives me crazy to think that he is going to share his body with another man.

I do everything for him, cook, bake wash his clothes etc...

So what i would like to know is:

1. do i ask him to sleep in the spare bedroom and then he can come and go as he pleases, but then i was thinking i'm still going to do everything for him, so he still has a good life. Sex with other men and me waiting for him at home....

2. i ask him to move out for 3 months and hopefully he comes to his senses.

what should i do, i'm so confused...
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Re: Confused

Unread postby Marmaduke » 7 October 2020, 17:39

Have you spoken with him about why he’s not physically attracted to you anymore? Has something changed that you can agree to work on? For instance, have you gained weight?
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Re: Confused

Unread postby Eryx » 7 October 2020, 22:54

Either let it happen under your roof or just break up. There's no giving him three months to change his opinion and come back to you. He most likely won't, since he's already lost his physical attraction to you and wants to explore, which entails meeting new people, which in turn increases his chances of taking an interest for someone else.

I'd suggest couple's therapy and, as Marmaduke said, I'd also evaluate myself and check if there are areas where I should improve. Sometimes we think it's unfair that the other person isn't that interested anymore, but we forget to make an effort on certain aspects. Cooking and washing clothes should not replace sexual interest and self-improvement. If that was enough for a relationship to work, we wouldn't have so many straight couples eating out of their houses.

Chores should be shared, in my opinion, and cooking something special is amazing for special occasions, but it's just cooking if it's happening everyday without the other person even taking an interest. Or, if they really don't like cooking, there's other things they should be doing instead of being babied. And above all, chores shouldn't replace our personality and our desire to be the best of ourselves. Especially because relationships often end, and it's better to leave them in our prime than worn out.

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