Crush is confusing me

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Crush is confusing me

Unread postby chucky84 » 14 January 2021, 00:20

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I’m gay and I’ve always gotten vibes that a friend of mine who’s a guy likes me as he was always so sweet with his words towards me. He could be closeted or just simply a really nice guy. I have had crushes on guys before based on only looks, but I felt something different with this guy because I had never met a guy who wasn’t so judgemental when it came to how high my voice or how gay people said I was. Anytime we talked to one another while making eye contact, he’d always smile at me but I could tell he was trying not to smile.

When we would text, it was usually him reaching to me first all the time (which I feel bad about because it may have made him think I wasn’t interested even though I was) just to talk about something he knows I like or something funny that had happened during the school day.

When I told him I was gay, he was super supportive about it and would always defend me if anyone said anything rude to me about it. I noticed that he became nicer and more soft towards me after I told him I was gay (probably my mind playing tricks on me since I liked him and wanted him to like me). An example of this was when my birthday was near and I told him that I like to stay home on my birthday from school, and he told me how he really wanted to see me on my birthday and pretty much begged me to come to school that day...I think he said “pleaseee” like 3 times.

Also, there was a particular time when we were texting and he told me that he had made the school soccer team...and when I told him “congratulations, plz go win our school team a game” he invited me to come to all of his games and said that he wanted me to cheer for him. (Some people I’ve talked to say this is flirting while others say that it’s just friendly).

Later that year, unfortunately for me I told friends I thought I could trust about my crush on him and it ended up getting back to him. I felt so ashamed and that I had probably made him uncomfortable and weirded out by me which really messed my head up for the next few months. After it got out to him he had stopped texting me, which was a sign to me that he was actually straight this whole time and I was just being stupid. My friends and I would still catch him staring at me sometimes afterward, but about 2 months after him finding out he moved to a completely different state.

After he moved, thats when he unfollowed me off of instagram and ended up waiting to block me completely on instagram a month after already unfollowing me. (of course this broke my heart) But I knew that I couldn’t be mad at him for blocking me. If I had made him uncomfortable then it was my fault and he had every right to do so, so I started my process of getting over him.

After 2 months of having me blocked, I get a notification one day on Instagram that he was requesting to follow me again meaning he had unblocked me. I can’t say that I wasn’t happy seeing that...but it confused me. We ended up following one another again but he never actually messaged me or anything of the sort.
Fast forward 8-9 months later when I was finally starting to really get over him, he DMs me on Instagram out of the blue asking me if I remembered him and how I had been. He ended up adding me on snapchat and asked me to start a streak which allowed us to talk to each other more and more again. One day though, I had posted a video of a friend (girl) and I in the bed together while I was at her house hanging out and he slid up on the story asking me “you get pu**y now?” Which confused me because I thought he knew I was gay as I told him myself AND 2 people had told him I had feelings for him a year prior. In my mind I was like “HOW DO YOU EVEN FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT” because my entire life people knew I gay before they had ever even spoken to me. So it made no sense to me how all of the sudden the ONE person I had extreme feelings for was the one who presumably “forgot” I was gay. When I told him I was gay again, he said “oh yeah lol” and then proceeded to ask me if I had a boyfriend. People I’ve talked to about this have said he really didn’t forget and he used it as a cover up to know my relationship status since he is likely closeted. They also said there was no way he could have forgotten that people had told him that I liked him prior to him moving away. When I said I was single he never made a move on me though, we’d just continue to text for days after.

He would go on to eventually ask me if I had ever come out to my parents yet and asking me what they said about me coming out. (Not sure if he wanted to know because he’s closeted himself or just curious)
(And also this may not mean much, but he follows half naked models on Instagram which leads me to thinking he’s straight again but this could just be something he does that he is never suspected as gay but idk).
We are currently still friends and he recently said he missed me in a birthday text.

Im sorry to those who actually took the time to read this, im just very confused and don’t know if he truly did have feelings for me or he simply was being friendly when he recontacted me.
I’d appreciate your input and opinions, thank you!
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Re: Crush is confusing me

Unread postby Eos » 14 January 2021, 08:43

He is very confusing I'll give you that.
However, I would assume he was just being friendly until he eventually come out. Even if he is gay, it is very difficult to start a relationship with someone that wants to stay in the closet.
Though I doubt he is gay, he was supportive when you came out (and people tend to be homophobic when they want to stay in the closet) and he genuinely sounds too nice.

I really think he was afraid of making a relationship with you, his reaction is very likely to straight's reaction when a gay friend ask them out. Most of the time it ruins the friendship, so I think you should be happy he made contact with you again.
And if one day I had doubts, I would ask him if he has ever found a girlfriend, and if not, if he is gay. That would clear doubts without commiting to anything.
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Re: Crush is confusing me

Unread postby Jryski » 14 January 2021, 16:01

I would just enjoy his friendship. I think you’re trying too hard to make sense of all the little things that you’re actually missing out on what could be a great friend.
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Re: Crush is confusing me

Unread postby Eryx » 15 January 2021, 04:39

I agree with Jrysky, plus even if he was gay, what kind of relationship would you expect? You went through the experience of being a feminine guy in High School, and you went through the difficulties of coming out to people and expressing your feelings. He hasn't done either of those things, and if he is gay, it'll probably take him a while to own up to it and have the courage you already demonstrated.

He's blocked you and he's avoided you for months because of his own insecurities, and no matter how much you've missed him and felt a connection with him, nothing will change the fact that he has already ditched you and again, if he is gay, “you get pu**y now?” sounds like a really manipulative way to get information and intimidation out of you all at once.

I understand what you feel for him is warmer and more tender than just finding guys hot, but that will happen more in your life, and it will probably be a better experience than High School love. Especially with someone who's currently out of state and still dealing with their shit. My suggestion is to wait it out, move on from him, and stay friends because he's probably interesting considering how much you've been texting. It can still be a good friendship either way. I have a best friend like that, who's now a business partner, and if I have to perfectly honest, I actually get kind of irked out nowadays with the thought of ever being intimate with him -- he's still hot, I just know him too well at this point :P
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Re: Crush is confusing me

Unread postby Jryski » 16 January 2021, 04:29

Eryx wrote:I agree with Jrysky, plus even if he was gay, what kind of relationship would you expect? You went through the experience of being a feminine guy in High School, and you went through the difficulties of coming out to people and expressing your feelings. He hasn't done either of those things, and if he is gay, it'll probably take him a while to own up to it and have the courage you already demonstrated.

He's blocked you and he's avoided you for months because of his own insecurities, and no matter how much you've missed him and felt a connection with him, nothing will change the fact that he has already ditched you and again, if he is gay, “you get pu**y now?” sounds like a really manipulative way to get information and intimidation out of you all at once.

I understand what you feel for him is warmer and more tender than just finding guys hot, but that will happen more in your life, and it will probably be a better experience than High School love. Especially with someone who's currently out of state and still dealing with their shit. My suggestion is to wait it out, move on from him, and stay friends because he's probably interesting considering how much you've been texting. It can still be a good friendship either way. I have a best friend like that, who's now a business partner, and if I have to perfectly honest, I actually get kind of irked out nowadays with the thought of ever being intimate with him -- he's still hot, I just know him too well at this point :P

Iuno why bro, but I always seem to agree with what you say. It’s like you take the thoughts right out of my brain and formulate it into an eloquent presentation. Love it xD
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Re: Crush is confusing me

Unread postby Eryx » 16 January 2021, 11:37

No kidding, I have that feeling pretty much since you joined hahahah
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Re: Crush is confusing me

Unread postby René » 16 January 2021, 12:31

Eryx wrote:No kidding, I have that feeling pretty much since you joined hahahah

Rude much :lol:

J/k ;)
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