Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

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Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Ralmnah11 » 20 February 2019, 19:59

I’m 31 and taught this student when he was a high school freshman about 8 years ago. Just throwing it out there at the time there was not one hint of attraction.

After he graduated, we eventually became friends on social media and have been talking every couple of months or so within the last two years (he’s now 22). I gradually started to develop more of an attraction to him as we kept talking overtime. I wasn’t going to pursue it because I was under the impression that he’s straight, but a few months ago he came out publicly as pansexual (I’m still mainly closeted because of work and stuff), so that became a game changer as a higher percentage of mutual attraction happening is now a possibility.

So here’s where I’m conflicted. I don’t know exactly what I want with him at the moment, but I’d like to give it a chance to meet up at some point and see what happens, even if we end up as just friends. So would it be ok to ask him to meet up for some drinks and catch up? Or would that still come off as creepy even though he is finished with college? Thanks for any advice, and I’ll be happy to share additional details if you have questions.
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Re: Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Eryx » 20 February 2019, 21:32

I don't think it would come off as creepy at all. You guys are only 9 years apart in age and he's already in a different time of his life. I could imagine him looking at you like just a teacher if you were older, but you taught him when you were 23, so he probably never registered you as an older person.

Personally I think you'd need to let your guard down a bit and mention the whole pansexual thing. Maybe something along the lines of "Hey, I saw that you came out, and I wanted to talk to you about some things I've been going through. Would you mind? Could we grab coffee and talk about this stuff?" That way he'll probably at least guess you're hinting at something, and the physical barrier would go away. From there you can come out to him and gauge his reaction, move forward with things. Find out if he's attracted to you as well, etc.

Though usually when people come out when they're a bit older, it has a tendency to come accompanied by an admission of a relationship that might have already been going on. It might just be that your guy is with someone and tired of hiding it. But of course it can just be him coming to terms with what he likes. Either way, you'd get a friend out of it who you can count on to talk about your feelings.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!
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