Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

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Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Ralmnah11 » 20 February 2019, 19:59

I’m 31 and taught this student when he was a high school freshman about 8 years ago. Just throwing it out there at the time there was not one hint of attraction.

After he graduated, we eventually became friends on social media and have been talking every couple of months or so within the last two years (he’s now 22). I gradually started to develop more of an attraction to him as we kept talking overtime. I wasn’t going to pursue it because I was under the impression that he’s straight, but a few months ago he came out publicly as pansexual (I’m still mainly closeted because of work and stuff), so that became a game changer as a higher percentage of mutual attraction happening is now a possibility.

So here’s where I’m conflicted. I don’t know exactly what I want with him at the moment, but I’d like to give it a chance to meet up at some point and see what happens, even if we end up as just friends. So would it be ok to ask him to meet up for some drinks and catch up? Or would that still come off as creepy even though he is finished with college? Thanks for any advice, and I’ll be happy to share additional details if you have questions.
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Re: Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Eryx » 20 February 2019, 21:32

I don't think it would come off as creepy at all. You guys are only 9 years apart in age and he's already in a different time of his life. I could imagine him looking at you like just a teacher if you were older, but you taught him when you were 23, so he probably never registered you as an older person.

Personally I think you'd need to let your guard down a bit and mention the whole pansexual thing. Maybe something along the lines of "Hey, I saw that you came out, and I wanted to talk to you about some things I've been going through. Would you mind? Could we grab coffee and talk about this stuff?" That way he'll probably at least guess you're hinting at something, and the physical barrier would go away. From there you can come out to him and gauge his reaction, move forward with things. Find out if he's attracted to you as well, etc.

Though usually when people come out when they're a bit older, it has a tendency to come accompanied by an admission of a relationship that might have already been going on. It might just be that your guy is with someone and tired of hiding it. But of course it can just be him coming to terms with what he likes. Either way, you'd get a friend out of it who you can count on to talk about your feelings.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!
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Re: Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Ralmnah11 » 14 April 2019, 11:45

Hey thought I’d update you. We ended up hanging out last week as I had an extra ticket to a sports event and he was home for spring break from grad school. We just caught up on things and I also told him I was gay when we were talking about
things happening in other countries that were anti gay. He didn’t flinch about it. I became attracted to him more as we spoke and I’ll admit I was quite nervous and I think he might have noticed lol. We ended up hugging before we parted ways and we said we’d like to see each other again when he is back home.

A couple days later he posted a picture of himself on his social media story and I sent a flirty message about his smile, but he didn’t respond to it. It made me think right away that I screwed up and came off as a creep, but he still “liked” a couple of my posts online over the next couple of days after I sent that message. Part of me thinks it’s not a good time to try to pursue it further as he’s in school and see what happens when he’s back. Part of me also thinks he doesn’t see me as a potential partner. Thanks for any advice as to how I should handle this.
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Re: Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Eos » 14 April 2019, 21:44

Don't overthink about "likes", it's just a button.

If I were at your place I would simply keep meeting him to see how he is around you. You're not a creep, stop being afraid of that (real creeps don't think about it), just live the moments with him, enjoy the time you have and see how it goes. He cuddled you that means something.
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Re: Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Eryx » 15 April 2019, 21:09

That's progress! :)
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Re: Crush on a former student who graduated a few yrs ago, conflicted.

Unread postby Ralmnah11 » 16 April 2019, 10:12

Thanks. I’m the only one that’s been initiating messages since we went out, so I’m concerned about coming off as annoying. Maybe I need to stop being so hard on myself.
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